


Through the Fire

by MsPerception427



Category: Glee
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bromance to Romance, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, Early Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Endgame Blaine Anderson/Sam Evans, Epic Bromance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Noah Puckerman Needs a Hug, Not Kurt Friendly, Original Character Death(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 78,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14202708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsPerception427/pseuds/MsPerception427
Summary: Life has been going well in the Big Apple. Kurt and Blaine are still happily engaged. Rachel is a Broadway sensation. Everything is as it should be. Until the day that Sam gets a call saying that there was an incident at the base where Puck was stationed. That one phone call shakes up their idyllic lives and changes things forever. But who ever said that change was a bad thing?





	1. Wake Up Call

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with very serious issues, including violence, PTSD, mental illness, and death. There is a mass shooting involved with this story. It's not depicted only mentioned but it's a central piece of the plot.

It is a well-known fact that phone calls from unknown numbers at some insane time in the hours between too late and too early rarely ever brought about good news. It usually was terrible, horrible life-changing news. Sam couldn't think of a single time in his life when the phone rang at 3 AM and it was about something good. As he sat staring at his still ringing phone, he had a feeling that this wasn't going to be one of those times either. Especially since the area code was for Tennessee and there was only one person he knew in Tennessee. And despite the fact that Puck kept weird hours even now that he was done with basic training, he never called at 3 in the morning. And this wasn't the number he usually called from. Because Sam had that number stored and this wasn't it. So this was inevitably going to change everything. And life was going so good too. He should've known that it was all going to change.

A few months ago during one of their weekly Skype sessions, Puck asked if he could put Sam down as his next of kin and medical proxy. After a major falling out after Finn's untimely death, Puck and his mother weren't on speaking terms and it wasn't from a lack of effort from her son. His mother just apparently had enough with him and was focused only on raising her daughter. To the best of Sam's knowledge, Puck hadn't spoken a word to his mother or sister in over a year and a half. So naturally, she wouldn't be a great candidate for next of kin. The next obvious choice was Jake but he was still under eighteen and Puck loathed the idea of putting that kind of responsibility in his hands. So he asked Sam and Sam agreed because why wouldn't he? Sam no longer called himself the closest thing to a best friend Puck had. He knew that he was Puck's best friend. And if it gave Puck some peace of mind to know that Sam was there in case of an emergency then he would give him that peace of mind. But he didn't think he would be called upon to act in that role so soon (or ever really).

Sam summoned the courage to pick up the phone right as it was about to go to voicemail. His hands were trembling and a cold feeling was building in his stomach. "Hello?" his voice was trembling.

"Is this Samuel Evans?"

"Yes." He wished to everything holy that he wasn't Sam Evans at that particular moment.

"Mr. Evans, my name is Dr. Taylor Green. I'm calling from the hospital on the McGhee Tyson Air National Guard Base. You're listed as the next of kin for Second Lieutenant Noah Puckerman, correct?"

Sam felt his stomach twist. "Uh, yeah, I am. Is he… is he, ok?"

"Mr. Evans, I'm afraid there's been an incident on the base. Lt. Puckerman was injured. We need to you to be here to sign some paperwork."

"What kind of incident?" Sam asked, swallowing the lump in his throat. "How badly was he injured? Is he ok?"

"I can't discuss his medical condition at this point. He's currently being prepped for surgery. But we need you to be here in case certain decisions need to be made."

Decisions? He remembered the paperwork that Puck had to fill out when he first signed up for the Air Force. One them was filled with a bunch of questions regarding his views on life support and resuscitation. A copy of that paperwork was in the file cabinet Blaine insisted they needed when they first moved in together. He knew that he needed to get that. He needed to get a ticket and get out to Tennessee. He needed to do something other than just sit there numbly, unable to speak or move or think.

"Sam?" he blinked as there was suddenly a warm hand on his shoulder. He felt the phone being pried out of his death grip. And then Blaine was taking over. He was asking the question that Sam should've asked. He was saying the things that Sam should've said. Because Sam was Puck's next of kin but Sam couldn't do anything. Maybe he should've picked Blaine. "Sam?"

"Huh?"

Blaine's warm brown eyes smiled at him through the dim lighting in his room. He couldn't remember Blaine turning them on in the first place. The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently before guiding his head to rest on Blaine's shoulders. Sam didn't realize he was even breathing wrong until he could feel the steady beating of his roommate's heart against his ear. He focused on those quiet, normal beats and forced his own breaths to slow down and match them. Once he was calm, Blaine shifted back to meet his gaze. He kept his hands on the blonde's shoulders and offered him a smile.

"It's going to be ok, Sammy," he assured him. Sam read the hesitancy in his voice though. He knew Blaine well. He knew that Blaine didn't believe that any more than he did.

"What happened?"

"Apparently there was a shooting at the base," Blaine shrugged helplessly. "That's all she would tell me. I don't know but he, uh, he was definitely shot."

Sam ran a hand through his hair. "I have to go there. They want me there in case… in case something. I'm his medical proxy too. I have to make decisions for him. I have to…."

"You have to breathe," Blaine finished, soothingly. "Now slow down, take some deep breaths and let me handle the tickets, ok?"

"Tickets?"

"You don't seriously think I'm going to let you do this alone, do you? In case you're forgetting Puck is my friend too. I don't think I could focus on anything here. So it's a waste of time to have me here. You're not the only one that can't lose him too."

Sam patted the hand that still rested on his shoulder apologetically. "I know that you guys are friends. I'm sorry. I just meant you have a lot going on right now… with school and Kurt and everything."

"School can wait," Blaine answered, squeezing Sam's shoulder. "And Kurt knows how much you both mean to me. I'm sure he'll understand why I need to go with you. Besides you're definitely going to need some help with Puck's Mini-Me."

"Oh god, Jake!"

Sam's eyes widened and he could almost feel himself slipping back into a blind panic. How the hell was he supposed to tell Jake that his brother was in the hospital? Sam knew that the two brothers had grown very close in the past two years. Jake saw Puck as the father figure he never had. And Puck saw Jake as both the younger sibling he always wanted (because Sarah was just a clone of their mother) and the child he lost. It was an odd dynamic but it worked. Between Puck's long distance brotherly influence and surprisingly Kitty's right there in his face influence, Jake was doing great in school. He already received three college acceptance letters, one in Tennessee, close to the base and the other two were in New York. Jake was happier than he had been in years. He was stable. Losing Puck would ruin all of that. And Sam had to be the one to tell him.

"How am I supposed to tell him about this?" Sam asked, his voice breaking at the end.

"It's Jake. Just call him. Tell him what we know for now. Tell him that I'm working on getting him a flight too. There's no way he's just going to sit back and wait in Ohio. If we don't get him a ticket, he'll try and hitchhike his way to Tennessee."

Sam laughed for the first time since his world was rocked. The stubbornness of the Puckerman brothers was legendary. Jake definitely would attempt to hitchhike. It certainly wouldn't be the first time he tried. So keeping in mind that it needed to be done, Sam held his hand out for his phone. Blaine gave his shoulder one last squeeze before placing it back in his hand. It started ringing as soon as it touched his palm.

"It's Jake," Sam read aloud. Blaine frowned in concerned response. "Hello?"

"Tell me he's ok."

"Jake? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! It's all over the news!" Jake hissed. His voice was slightly hysterical. "Mom was working at the diner and she called me to tell me that she saw the news. She told me there was some kind of shooting on the base. It's crazy. A lot of people were injured. Some of them are dead. Please tell me that my brother isn't dead. He's not answering his phone. I can't reach his roommates. I can't get through to him at all. So please tell me that you know something. Sam, please just tell me that he's ok."

Sam blinked away tears as he listened to Jake's frantic words. Blaine wordlessly left the room, only to return with his laptop in tow a moment later. He sat down on the bed next to Sam so that their shoulders were pressed together. He was quietly grateful for the grounding contact.

"They called me," Sam admitted. His words felt heavy in his mouth. He felt like he was talking slower than normal. "The hospital that is. They called me. They told me that he's in surgery and they want me to come out there. Blaine is going to book the two of us a flight." He heard Jake take a breath ready to speak. "Don't worry. He's getting one for you too. I wouldn't leave you out of this, ok?"

"He's going to be ok, right? Because I don't know if I could….."

"Jake, it's going to be ok. It's Puck. He's not leaving us," Sam found himself saying. His voice was steady. He almost believed it. "He's going to be ok."

He sat on the phone with Jake for another few minutes before the younger man finally calmed down enough to pack a bag. During that time Blaine managed to find flights for all of them. Jake's flight was later but he had less distance to travel and none of them wanted him to land in Tennessee alone. His amazing (other) best friend managed to arrange it so that Jake's flight would land about an hour after theirs. That would give them enough time to pick up a rental car and figure out how to get to the base. Sam was already appreciating Blaine presence on this trip.

"Tell me that everything is going to be ok."

Blaine placed his hand over Sam's prompting the blonde to turn his hand over so that their fingers intertwined. "Everything is going to be ok," Blaine promised. "We're going to get through this. I don't know how or what's going to happen. But we're going to get through this. And I'm going to be there every single step of the way, ok?"

Sam took a deep breath, drawing strength from the hand still tangled with his. "Ok."

* * *

Sam knew that it was going to be bad but he really didn't expect all of this. Once they arrived at the airport, they found every news channel was running a story on the shooting. It felt almost surreal. He never paid too much attention when stories like this happened. Sure, he felt terrible for the people involved. He felt sadness that lives were lost but it never hit until right now. This time it was personal. Sam wanted nothing more than for the reporters to stop speculating on who did it and why. He wanted them all to shut up. Especially since they didn't seem to have any further information each time they went to report on the events. The basic structure that Sam seemed to get was that there were multiple shooters, several casualties, even more injured and one of the shooters was dead. He was apparently taken down by the final victim. Given that they weren't reporting anything new, it was extra annoying. Although Sam supposed in this case, no news was good news.

Before they left for the airport, Blaine and Sam went downstairs to the apartment that Artie would soon be sharing with Kitty (and possibly Jake if he chose one of his New York prospects). It helped having another gleek in the building. They told him what was going on. He naturally also wanted to go but understood the multitude of reasons why that just wouldn't work. He promised to play ground support in New York. Sam called the hospital to tell them that they were on their way and asked that if anything happened while they were in the air that they call Artie. Artie also promised to call the others as soon as the sun came up to let them know what was going on. And as much as Sam dreaded what he was going to find once they reached Tennessee, he found that he also didn't envy Artie's job either.

During the brief flight, Sam's mind kept going over all the scenarios. Not surprisingly, he found his thoughts were dwelling on the worst case scenarios. Once again he was happy that Blaine insisted on coming along. Because while Sam was off thinking about the ways in which Puck was dead, near death or maimed for life, Blaine was coming up with lists of people that needed to be notified, things that Puck might need, things that they might need, etc. Blaine was definitely the cooler head in this situation and Sam was just so damn happy he was here.

He turned his phone back on while they were waiting for Jake's flight. He wasn't surprised to see that he had several voice messages and even more texts from the various former glee club members (and their teacher) expressing concern and horror. He didn't bother to call any of them. He didn't know anything for starters and he knew that Artie probably talked to most of them by now. So there was no point. Except one person missed that memo because no sooner had he put the phone away was it ringing. He picked up without looking at the Caller Id, terrified it as the hospital again.

"Hello?"

" _What the actual fuck, Trouty Mouth?_!"

Sam groaned. "Santana."

" _No, it's the Easter Bunny! Yes, it's Santana. What the hell were you thinking? Why the hell didn't you tell me what happened? I had to hear it from Kurt?! Literally the most hateful of all our friends and I had to hear it from him?! You two just took off in the middle of the night and didn't stop to think just once that there would be anyone else that would want to go, huh?_ "

"Actually, I didn't think anyone else wanted to go," Sam retorted. "I really didn't think there would be anyone other than Blaine or Artie that honestly even cared that much. When was the last time you actually even talked to him, Santana? When was the last time you did something more than like his comment on Facebook? Oh, I know it's when you were accusing him of stealing Finn's jacket. You know the whole incident that prompted him to join the damn Air Force in the first place! So yeah, I really wasn't thinking about you. Why would I? You obviously don't give a damn about him. Or else you would've called him or sent him a text before now. That's what friends do, Santana. That's how you show you care. Not ignore them for years until they get shot and are possibly dying!"

There was a pause before he heard something he never thought he would hear in his lifetime. Something that he never wanted to hear in his lifetime. Santana Lopez was crying. And not just crying. She was full on sobbing. Sam sighed. He knew he went too far. But he also knew that the distance between Puck and Santana was troubling both of them. They were close in high school and then they grew apart. Then they fell apart and it hurt them both but neither of them knew how to close the gap between them. Now it might be too late. Dammit, this is why he let Blaine do the talking.

"I'm sorry, San. I'm just cranky. I didn't get much sleep as you can imagine."

" _No, you're right. This is my fault_ ," she said shakily. " _Do you know how many times I've picked the phone up to call him since then? It's been two years, Sammy! I should've called him. I should've…. it's all over the news. They're saying that people are dead. He's not dead… is he?_ "

"No, he's not," Sam answered, secure in at least that bit of knowledge. "He's not. I don't know what's going on but at least I know that. I'll call you soon as soon as I know something."

_"Thanks."_

He heard the phone disconnect and he sat back with a heavy sigh. They hadn't even made it to the hospital and he was already emotionally overwhelmed. This was going to be a rough few days. He didn't think he was going to be able to do this. Blaine was wrong. He couldn't do this. He couldn't….

"Relax," Blaine said. There was just a hint of a teasing smile in his voice. He felt more than saw the other man flop down on the bench beside him. Their arms were once again pressed against each other and Sam found he liked this arrangement far more than he thought he would (and far more than he wanted to). He could feel the anxiety receding for the moment. "Who was on the phone?"

"Santana. I kind of made her cry."

Blaine arched an eyebrow. "Damn, Sammy. Guess Puck is rubbing off you after all. You made the Queen of Badass cry? Kinda jealous."

Sam snickered before leaning against Blaine. They waited in relative silence for the final member of their group. He didn't know when they started humming but it was a good way to drown out the relentless coverage of the "tragedy" that was slowly becoming a media free for all. Besides the song was kind of fitting. It was the last song Puck ever sang solo in front of the glee club and it was basically their motto for this whole trip. _Keep Holding On…._.

* * *

Movies, not surprisingly, are pretty much always getting it wrong. If this was a movie, they would've rushed into the hospital and immediately met with a doctor who would tell them what was happening. Instead, they got to the hospital and were informed that Puck was still in surgery. They were then instructed to sit in the family waiting room and wait. And that's exactly what they'd been doing for the past four hours. Thankfully one of the nurses had the sense of mind to put a movie on to block out the relentless media coverage outside. And it was specifically designed for a long wait:  _The Lord of the Rings_. At least they all agreed that it was a good one.

They had just reached the part where Boromir died defending the hobbits when the doors to the waiting room opened. A stern looking woman that reminded Sam of a saner (at least looking) Sue Sylvester walked in. He elbowed the dozing Jake and Blaine as she walked towards them. A soft smile toyed at the edges of her mouth. Sam felt a little more at ease. She wouldn't be smiling like that if he were dead…. right?

"You gentleman are waiting for Lt. Noah Puckerman?" they nodded in unison. "Great, I'm Dr. Green. I believe I talked to two of you on the phone earlier today."

"Yes," Blaine smiled, taking the lead. "I'm Blaine Anderson. This is my roommate, Sam Evans and Puck's younger brother, Jake."

"So you're the Jake he never shuts up about," Dr. Green smiled again. "The way he goes on about you, we originally thought you were his son." Jake flushed a little but Sam could see some of the darkness fade from his eyes. He liked this Dr. Green already. "Now, let's get down to business. Mr. Evans, do you feel comfortable with me discussing Lt. Puckerman's condition in front of Mr. Puckerman and Mr. Anderson?"

"Yes, and you can call me Sam."

"Excellent, Sam," Dr. Green smiled again. "Now let me just start off by reassuring you all that Noah is alive and, with time, expected to make a full physical recovery." Sam let out a long exhale of relief that was quietly echoed by the other two. "Ok, so we got that out of the way. How much of what happened here do you know?"

"Very little," Sam admitted. "We know that there was a shooting of some sort. And that Puck was hurt."

"Well that's accurate. The shooting occurred roughly around one in the morning. I don't really know what sparked the incident but I do know that there was more than one shooter. One of them started in the dorms. You can imagine since it was so late and hardly anyone is expecting an attack like that, the injuries were significant. But fortunately, he was subdued before he could leave the third floor where he started."

"That's where Puck lived, uh, lives," Blaine said.

"Yes, and it's thanks to Noah that we had significantly less casualties. He's the real hero in this story. He's the one that stopped the shooter."

That right there? That was Sam's stomach jumping into his throat again. Because of the news coverage he knew that the shooter in the dorm was dead. And if Puck was the one that stopped him… that meant that Puck… killed him? The more he heard, the more he felt like he couldn't do this. He looked to Blaine but found that he was looking as lost as Sam felt. Well that's not good.

"How exactly did he stop him?" Jake asked hesitantly.

"Apparently the shooter barged into the room Noah shared with two other officers. All three of them were injured. However, Noah's roommates weren't as fortunate and their wounds were fatal. They passed away before anyone could get to their room."

Sam closed his eyes. He knew that Puck actually got along with those guys. They were (officially) the closest thing to a best friend Puck would allow himself to have on the base. He actually talked to them a couple of times when chatting with Puck. This was just looking worse and worse.

"You still didn't tell me how my brother killed a man," Jake pointed out, flatly.

"He didn't kill him in cold blood, if that's what you're thinking. It was purely self defense. After he fired his shots, Noah managed to disarm him. But our shooter still had a knife. There was a struggle. Obviously, the outcome is that Noah is alive and the scumbag that tried to murder him and several others in addition to actually murdering more than a few is dead. When I say that Lt. Puckerman is a hero, I mean it. What he did was nothing short of amazing."

Sam glanced at Jake. There were so many emotions swirling in his usually expressive eyes. It was hard for him to pin them all down. But he knew that Jake was feeling guilt at even hinting that his brother was a murderer. The kid was also feeling concerned. He was angry. He was a thousand different things but he wouldn't be ok until he actually saw Puck. Speaking of that…

"I know you said he would make a full physical recovery but how badly hurt was he?" Blaine asked, as if reading Sam's thoughts.

"Well, he was shot once in his left shoulder. There was minimal damage done to the muscle so he should regain all movement in his shoulder once the damage is healed. There was another gunshot wound on his leg but it was a through and through. He was lucky there. There were several concerning lacerations on his stomach and chest but thus far the stitching is holding. The internal damage has been corrected. And provided he doesn't move around much in the next few weeks, he should physically heal just fine."

"You keep saying physically," Sam spoke up.

"Because now that the wounds have been tended to, I can freely admit that I'm more concerned with his mental health. I understand that he joined the Air Force shortly after he lost a very good friend."

"Yeah," Jake replied, uncomfortably. "His best friend, Finn, died two years ago."

"That's what I thought. Think of it like this, Noah just watched several of his friends die and had to take the life of a man he served with. He's going to need some serious time to recuperate. And I don't really recommend that taking place here. This base is going to be a circus for quite some time between media coverage and investigations into how they happened in the first place. He's going to need somewhere supportive and away from all this."

Sam chewed on his lip, trying to think of a place that fit that depiction. He had a few ideas but he needed to see how Puck was before he could agree to anything. He cleared his throat. "Can we see him, Dr Green?"

"I can really only let you and Jake in tonight and only one at a time. Barring any complications overnight, we can move him into a private room in the morning. Then you can visit as long as you like with as many people as you. So I apologize, Blaine, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to see him."

The former Warbler nodded. "That's ok. So who's up first?"

"I am," Sam answered before Jake could say anything. Maybe it came from knowing Puck so well but Sam could read the protest in the teen's eyes before he even opened his mouth to say something. "I promise I won't take that long. I'm just going to see how he is to start working on a plan and then he's all yours."

He knew that despite his initial protests, Jake was not looking forward to going in that room anymore than Sam was. Sam knew that Jake was terrified about what he was going to find. And with Puck sidelined (for the time being) that meant it was his job to shield Jake from the more unpleasant things in life. He met Blaine's gaze and nodded at the acceptance he found there. Another small smile crossed his lips.

"Come on, kid. I don't know about you but I'm starving!" Blaine said, tugging a very compliant Jake with him towards the cafeteria. Hopefully, Blaine would be able to help Jake get his emotions sorted through before he went in to see Puck.

Before they could turn down the corridor that would lead them to Puck's room, Sam stopped the doctor again. "Tell me what you weren't saying back there in front of Jake." Dr. Green gave him an assessing yet approving look.

"I'm going to put this bluntly. Noah killed a man. It was definitely self-defense and given the option to go forward with the act again, I know he would definitely choose to not kill again. But the fact of the matter is that he did. And that's the kind of thing that can eat at a person. I'm worried that it will eat at Noah. That he will let guilt consume him. Guilt for surviving as well as guilt for taking another man's life."

Sam let out a deep breath. Admittedly, he was worried about the same thing. Then again, he also kind of wasn't. Because Puck did go through a seriously traumatic experience but he also had a very large network of people that loved him and wouldn't let this destroy him. It would take time and a lot of coordinated effort but Sam knew that they were strong enough to help him stay strong. They were going to get him through this.

And at that moment, Sam actually believed that.

* * *

One time, back in high school when they first met, Puck came to school covered in bruises but still grinning like a loon. Sam remembered being more than a little concerned with Puck's mental health, as well as his home life. That is until Mike later told him that Puck participated in some totally illegal weird Fight Club homage. So Sam got used to seeing his friend sporting bruises. He got used it… but he never liked it.

Sam knew based off what Dr. Green told them that Puck wasn't going to look like his normal self. But he still wasn't expecting him to seem so small. Puck wasn't a small person. He was tall and bursting with life and personality. But the too pale and still figure with visible bandages and wires everywhere… that didn't seem like his best friend. That is until his unfocused gaze sharpened and their eyes met in the dimness of the room. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips and Sam felt at ease. There was still a part of Puck in there.

"Hey," Puck whispered.

"Hey, yourself," Sam greeted as he shut the door gently behind him and went to stand next to the bed. Up close he looked even worse. Sam could see the recently bandaged wounds poking through the thin hospital gown. But the smile remained as faint as it was. That was enough. He covered Puck's hand with his. "I'd ask you how you're feeling but that sounds painfully stupid."

"It's ok. Actually don't feel too bad." Puck gave a one shoulder shrug. "I think they got me on the good stuff." His smile wobbled a little. His eyes shined a little too brightly under the harsh florescent lights. "I'm glad you're here, Sammy."

"Where else would I be?"

Puck looked down at his hand which was still covered by Sam's. He gave another little shrug. "I don't know. Here I guess. I'm just happy that's all."

Sam nodded. The two friends sat in silence before it just became too much. Sam leaned forward, ever mindful of the wires and pulled his best friend into a gentle embrace. Puck's good arm came up to wrap around his shoulders. Sam could feel Puck's shaky breaths on his neck and he held on tighter.

"I was so scared," Puck admitted. Sam nodded.

"Me too," he moved back slightly so that he could see into his eyes. He didn't like the darkness he saw there. He didn't like the uncertainty. And while it would take awhile to break the first (and they would). Sam at least knew he had the tools right now to crack through the second. "Puck, I need you to know that I love you. You're my best friend and I'm so damn happy you're still here with me and that I can say that. Nothing is going to change that. And nothing is going to make me regret that I'm here too."

Puck's eyes glistened but no tears fell. Sam knew that he would need to be on the lookout for that. The Puckerman habit of repressing emotions was as legendary as their stubbornness. Sam bumped Puck on the chin lightly before sitting back on the edge of the bed. He reached for his hand again though because he couldn't quite force himself to break physical contact just yet. It seemed that Puck wasn't exactly eager either as he held on as tight as he could.

"For your information, I didn't come out here alone," Sam said, breaking the comfortable silence that settled over them. Puck arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, Jake is here too. Blaine took him down to the cafeteria to get something to eat."

"Really? They're both here?"

"Of course they are. Artie would've been here too but we thought he would be better staying back. But he told me to tell you that you better be ok or he would roll down here and force fed you waffles until you were. I kept telling him that wasn't a very effective threat." Puck let out a watery laugh and nodded. "Did Dr. Green talk to you?"

"Yeah. She was in here an hour ago. We talked."

"Did she tell you that she wants you to recuperate somewhere that's… not here?"

"Yeah, she said that." Puck smiled but it was a rueful, almost bitter look. "Looks like I'm going home after all."

"You could do that… or you could come back to New York with me and Blaine."

"You talk to Blaine about this?"

"Not exactly."

"Uh huh," Puck mumbled. "You think maybe you should? It's a pretty big decision to let a murdering cripple crash on your couch."

"One, don't you ever call yourself that again," Sam warned, his tone firm yet gentle. He could see they were going to have a problem with the self deprecation. He added that to his growing list of things to be on the look out for. "Two, you definitely wouldn't be living on the couch. You could have my room until you got better and then we could make other arrangements. And three, it's half my apartment. So I can do what I want with my half, including moving in my amazing best friend that needs me and that I need to have around."

Puck shook his head but Sam could already see the walls rising. That was enough for tonight then. "I'll think about it, ok?"

"Ok. I'll go see if Jake and Blaine are back yet."

There was no response but he didn't expect there to be. He squeezed Puck's hand one last time before walking towards the door. He didn't need to check if the other two were back as Jake was barreling through the door before he even had it completely open. Sam laughed as he stepped out the room to stand beside an equally amused Blaine.

"We didn't even make to the cafeteria," Blaine replied to the unanswered question. "He broke down three feet down the hall and we've been waiting out here ever since. I think he's going to be ok."

"Good."

"How about Puck? How's he?"

"Not terrible," Sam admitted. "It's going to be a bumpy road."

"So did you ask him?"

Sam craned his neck to look down at Blaine. "Ask him what?"

"Did you ask him to come back with us?"

"Uh, yeah. I did."

"Good. What did he say?"

"Wait, what?"

Blaine gave him a look that Sam knew meant he was questioning his sanity. "You don't really think that we're letting him go back to Lima, do you? Dr. Green said he needs somewhere supportive and restful. That's pretty much the opposite of what he's going to get in Lima. The keyword is support and that's pretty much you, me and Artie. Oh yeah, and Santana now that she finally got the necessary wake up call. Also it makes sense. Jake really wanted to go to school with Kitty in New York and now Puck will be in New York. So Jake will be with his brother and Puck is always focused when he's around Jake. It's win-win all around."

Sam stared at Blaine with definite awe in his eyes. He knew that Blaine was working on a plan but this… this was perfect. This was exactly the reason why Sam never regretted following Blaine to New York. It's why he…. "I love you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. Blaine's eyes widened and he saw the flush on the other man's cheeks. Sam forced out a weak chuckle. "I mean like a brother. I love you like a brother."

"Uh, right, yeah. I knew that," Blaine laughed, a little too high. "Besides it would be totally wrong if it were the other way, right? Because I'm getting married."

"Yeah, married," Sam mumbled. They stood awkwardly for a few moments. "I'm going to go find Dr. Green."

"I should probably call Kurt," Blaine nodded, trying his hardest not to look at Sam. "He's only called about twenty times since we got here." Sam snickered. Blaine finally looked up. "I meant it. He's coming back with us."

"I know. Thanks again."

They stared at each other for another long, tense yet still not awkward moment before Sam forced himself to go in search of the doctor. Those types of moments were happening all too frequently these days and it was getting harder and harder for Sam to remember that he was supposedly straight and that Blaine already had a boyfriend, uh, fiancé. Sam was eager to have Puck in the apartment because at least there would be someone to help break up the sexual tension that seemed to happen whenever they were alone and not in the middle of an active crisis. Yeah, having Puck around was definitely going to help…. right?

He finally tracked Dr. Green down in her office and they hashed out a plan that would allow Puck to be transported to a hospital not that far from their apartment. She advised that he not be left alone while he was there and Sam promised that he wouldn't be. When he finished with the doctor, he called Jake's mom. Tanisha was more than understanding about Jake needing to spend some time with his brother. She had already informed the school that he would be out for the next few weeks. She made arrangements for him to get his work electronically so he could keep up and graduate on time. He knew that Blaine would update Artie when he was done with Kurt. So that left only one other person that Sam needed to call.

"Hey, San."

"Hey, Sammy….. How is he?"

"He's going to be ok," Sam admitted. "We're actually bringing him back up there in a few days. The doctors here just want to make sure he's strong enough for the move."

"That's great! I mean I'm happy that he's going to be close to you guys." She paused and his heart broke a little at how unlike herself she sounded when she spoke again. "I know that I don't really deserve this but…."

"I'll tell him you said hi."

"Thanks, Sam."

"You're welcome… but Santana, don't leave it like this. He's going to be up there. He's been through hell and not just last night. He's going to need us. Jake's mom is letting him stay with us for a little awhile so we'll have people by his side pretty much all the time. But I still think that…."

"That you need more people? Ok. I can be there. I will be there. Even if he doesn't want me there, I'll be there."

"He wants you to be there, San. I know he does."

"You know that, huh?"

"Yeah, I do," Sam laughed, warming by the echoing laughter he heard on the other line. "San, you know we're all going to get through this, right?"

"Yeah, I know that now, Trouty Mouth. Thank you."

"You're welcome. See you in a few days."

He hung up feeling less shaky than he had all day. On his way back to the lounge where he knew Blaine was waiting, Sam passed by Puck's room. He cracked the door open and wasn't at all surprised to find Jake sitting on the edge of the bed with Puck leaning against his side fast asleep. The younger of the brothers was humming something softly. He glanced up to smile at Sam before he continued to hum his song.

Yeah, they were going to get through this. Everything was going to be ok.


	2. Better Left Unsaid

Blaine was concerned. Actually that was a huge understatement. There really wasn't a word to describe the mind numbing amount of feelings he had experienced over the past few days. But he thought that concerned summed them up nicely. He had a lump in his throat that formed that Thursday morning when Sam answered his phone at 3 AM and went into a semi catatonic shock. It didn't ease even when he finally got to see Puck. Because Puck was so many things but none of them were small or scared or weak. But he was all of those things and then some right now. And that was because some morons with guns thought to take out an entire base. Blaine still didn't know why they did what they did nor did he care. He just knew that his friends were hurting because of this and there was nothing he could do to make it go away. He could make all the lists and plans in the world but nothing was taking that haunted look out of Puck's eyes. Nothing was going to give Sam back those four days of sleep that he's missed. Nothing was fixing this.

"Seriously, you guys, we just rode in a freaking helicopter!"

Blaine cracked a smile as he heard Puck let out a quiet huff that passed for laughter these days. He amended his earlier statement. There was something that was helping. Jake helped significantly. There were times over the past few days that Blaine saw Puck get lost in his own thoughts. But it was the sound of his little brother's voice that dragged him out of it. Blaine was tempted to offer to home school the teen himself in order to get him to stay up here until this was all over. As it was Tanisha was being very accommodating. She agreed that Jake could stay another two weeks once they were back in New York. The clock on that time limit officially started today.

He looked around the room at his friends. Puck was set up in a private room at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. It was warm and inviting. One of the nurses let it slip that this was a VIP room usually reserved for celebrities. Blaine didn't need to ask why they were giving it to Puck. The crowd of reporters camped outside the hospital gave him all the answer he needed. Somehow the media caught wind of the fact that the McGhee Base Hero was at this hospital. Puck was still, by some miracle, anonymous so he had at least a little bit of privacy. But for how long was anyone's guess.

By now all of the gleeks knew. However they all knew better than to talk about anything to anyone in the media. Blaine made sure to call his lovely fiancé personally to pass that message along. He knew how much Kurt loved the spotlight. And while reluctant, Kurt agreed that he would refrain from giving any interviews or sharing any information with any press (including Isabel). So at least that part was taken care of. The media frenzy would die down soon enough and they were shielding Puck from the circus as much as they could. Blaine arranged for a portable blu-ray player to be hooked up to the television in the room. It was currently playing series one of  _Doctor Who_. He had the complete set ready and waiting. Artie was bringing some shows and movies from his own collection as well. So that left Puck relatively taken care. Now for the other object of Blaine's concern: Sam.

His blonde best friend was dragging. While he didn't expect Sam to be bouncing off the walls with energy or even remotely happy about what was happening, he was worried about the lack of normality in the blonde. Even his hair was drooping. He was exhausted but he was throwing his all into keeping Jake's spirits up so that Jake could keep Puck going. It was a vicious cycle and Blaine was worried that Sam was going to either snap or collapse. But there was no way he would ever suggest that Sam leave. Blaine knew how much Puck meant to Sam. He would never cross that boundary no matter how sane or logical the suggestion might be.

"Sammy?" Puck's voice was always hushed these days. But given that there was almost always silence around him, that wasn't a problem. He waited until he had Sam's complete attention before giving him a ghost of a smirk. "Don't take this wrong way but kindly get the fuck out of my room."

"What?" Sam asked, jaw dropping and a comical look of hurt and confusion crossed his face. Blaine chewed on his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud.

"You're tired, Sam. You all are. I can see it. I'm ok," he assured them. And wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? "You said it yourself this hospital is awesome because it's walking distance from your apartment. So walk your ass home and get some rest. You can always come back later if you want."

"Are you completely out of your mind?" Sam asked. "We can't just leave you!"

"Why can't you? I'm not in any danger of dying. I'm pretty doped up and I got a bunch of Doctors and their lovely companions to keep me company until you guys come back. Just get some rest, ok? Please?"

Sam let out a bone cracking yawn before blushing. "Fine," he groaned. "I guess I could use a nap. But rest assured that I will be back later today."

"I know you will be," Puck smiled, a little more prominent now. He looked to his brother. "Jake, you're in charge. Make sure they both get rest. Don't forget to double check on the blonde. He likes to lie there with his eyes closed and pretend he's sleeping."

"I will not let you down, Captain," Jake gave him a mock salute.

"I am Lieutenant, brat!"

"Same thing," Jake shrugged, dodging the pillow Puck directed Sam to throw in his direction with a grin. "See you later, big brother."

"Later. And I mean it, Sammy. Rest."

"Yeah, yeah," Sam muttered, dragging a hand over his face and shuffling like a zombie out the room. Blaine gave Puck one final look before he was also shooed out the room.

"I don't like this," Blaine said once they were a few feet from the room. "I get that he's ok and all but I don't want to leave him alone like this."

"Relax," Jake drawled. "I got that covered."

Blaine and Sam exchanged confused glances that melted into genuine smiles when they saw Artie rolling towards them. "Did someone call in backup?"

"'sup, man?" Jake exchanged an entirely too complicated handshake with their fellow New Direction alum before beaming at the still shocked Sam and Blaine. "Seriously, you guys have been dragging ass since Saturday. It's Tuesday. You need to rest. If Puck is going to get better he's going to need you both at a full capacity. I already took the initiative to call Santana. She'll be here with Dani once Artie leaves. And then Rachel is coming, possibly with Elliot. So we have all our bases covered. He'll be fine without us for a couple of hours. Long enough for you two to eat a real meal, sleep in an actual bed and in general not look like death."

Blaine blinked. He really underestimated Jake in all of this. Sam smiled brightly, slinging an arm around the younger Puckerman. "You did real good, kid."

"I know. I try," he laughed, even as Sam steered him towards the exit. Blaine started to follow before turning to Artie.

"You're going to be ok, right?"

"Yeah," Artie assured him. "Jake pretty much prepped me for what I'm about to see. But if he can deal then I can deal. Besides I bought him waffles from that place in Brooklyn. You know the one that has to be using crack in their whipped cream."

"Between us and the nurses, Puck is going to be so spoiled before this is all over," Blaine laughed. "Call me if you need anything."

"Only thing I need is for you to take your Warbling ass home and get some rest."

"Fine," Blaine laughed. "Message received. See you later."

"Later!" Artie called over his shoulder before wheeling into Puck's room. Blaine stayed only long enough to hear Puck and Artie's laughs mingling together right before the scent of waffles filled the air. Yeah, he was going to be ok for a few hours. He just hoped that Santana's visit went as well as Artie's.

* * *

Santana has known Noah Puckerman since... well she couldn't actually remember a time she didn't know him. They both grew up on the "bad side" of town. As a result they were almost always lumped together whether it was to get the free school lunch or because they were the only other kid that got left behind more often than not when it came time for parents to pick them up from school. When they got old enough, they would walk home together from school. When Puck met Finn, and his mother started giving Puck rides home, he would whine and throw full on tantrums until Carole agreed to give Santana a lift as well.

When Santana first realized that she might actually like girls, Puck was the one she told first. She remembered sitting on the old weathered couch in the basement of his house with a handmade quilt from his grandmother covering the tops of their head. She remembered whispering the news to him in the quiet of the room and feeling his warm embrace that promised that he would always be there for her, no matter what. And he did keep that promise. He was always there for her when she needed him. But when he needed her, she was nowhere to be found. Or rather she was there but just not for him. She knew how much Finn meant to Puck. Yet back then she had the gall to act as if she didn't care about how this was affecting him. She just plain ignored his pain because it was easier. She didn't give it a thought at the time. But it was all she thought about for two years. Two years of not saying anything to him. Two years and she almost lost the opportunity.

"I don't think I can do this," she confessed, shakily. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. The urge to bolt was growing. She couldn't do this. She couldn't go in there and face him. Not after what she did. Not after what she said. Not after two years of silence and occasional outreach through social media. "Dani, what if he hates me? What if he wants me to leave?"

"How could he?" Dani asked, cupping her face between her hands. "Santana, you're amazing. Yes, sometimes you can be kind of a crazy bitch but it sounds like he cares about you as much as you care about him. Besides I'm sure he could use a friend right now."

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. It's not about me. It's about him." she took a deep breath. She was prepared for the worst. There was a possibility that she would walk in and he would tell her to leave right away. She was prepared for that. But she was also prepared to stay. Because even if he didn't want her there, he needed her. She needed him. That's how it was going to be. She was going to stay even if he wanted her to go.

She exhaled and put her hand on the knob just as the door opened inward. She would've fallen had it not been Dani grabbing her by the back of her shirt. She glanced down to meet Artie's amused blue gaze. A quick look over his shoulder showed Puck propped up against the pillows gaping at her in surprise.

"Uh, so I'm here to visit," she said, lamely.

Artie snorted. "Yeah, we can tell."

"Shut it, Wheels!" she hissed. Her eyes flickered to the bed only to find that Puck was looking anywhere but at her. Oh, god, he did hate her. He did want her to leave. Oh god. She couldn't deal with this.

"Hey, Artie," Dani said, loudly. "You need some help getting downstairs?"

"Sure."

Dani pressed a quick kiss to Santana's cheek before wheeling out of the room with that other traitor Artie. When she got her hands on them she was going to kill them. But first she had to deal with this. God, this was awkward. It was never awkward with them. It was always so easy. It made her heart hurt. It wasn't supposed to be awkward or weird with him. Not with him.

"So when was the last time you ate or is heroin chic back in?" his voice broke through the silence in the room. Her eyes widened before she caught sight of the slight grin curving his lips.

"Heroin chic? Since when have you been a fashion expert?" she countered, stepping further into the room. "Is this what happens when we repeal 'don't ask, don't tell'?"

"Nah, I figured I'd just fit in better with you all if I started reading a few fashion magazines," he retorted. "And on that note, I'll have you know I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, woman."

"Really? That's not saying much, Flabby."

"Flab?" Puck barked incredulously. "I'll show you flab, woman." he lifted the blanket and she could see his bare chest. His chest that was still just as muscular as ever. But that's not what caught her attention. She could only see the bandages. The gunshot that if had been just a little further to the right would've ended his life. The knife wounds on his stomach and chest. All she could see was how she almost lost him. And that brought the tears back. "San…."

"I'm so sorry," she cried, the tears bursting free now that she gave the will to fight them. "This is my fault. This is my fault."

"Did you have a gun and shoot up the base?"

"No, but…."

"Then it's not your fault," he said, firmly. He held out his hand and she didn't hesitate to hold on to it. "I'm sorry, San."

"What could you possibly be sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I never called you."

She laughed, though it came out as a sob. "You stupid bastard. You're always trying to feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault. I was a bitch, Puck. I should've believed you when you told me you didn't take the jacket. And I'm so sorry for that. I'm also sorry for not telling you all of that sooner."

He twisted their hands so their fingers were interlaced. A smile pulled at her lips as he tugged her closer to the bed. She looked down at him. He was so hurt but he was here. She put her hand on his chest and let out a slow breath as she felt his steady heart beat under her fingertips. He was there. He was alive. And she got a second chance.

"Losing Finn… it hurt. He was… he was the best," she said, breaking the comfortable silence. "He was such a good person. I just didn't understand how someone like could be gone and someone like me gets to go on living. I was so confused back then. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing. I let myself believe that what Rachel and Kurt wanted was what I wanted. But we both know that I couldn't be more different than them if I tried."

Puck gave her a weak smile. "But the point of is this is that losing Finn hurt. But eventually I healed and I moved on. Losing you? That would've killed me. Because Rachel and Kurt are awesome but it's never felt as right as it does when I'm with you. It would've hurt worse knowing that you died thinking I hate you. Or that you would hate me."

"Hey," he interrupted, forcing her to look him in the eye. "I never once hated you. And I never once thought you hated me. Ok, that's a lie. But I think that I knew the truth deep down, San. I know that you and I have a forever friendship. It was built off cheap government issued sandwiches and negligent parents. We might not speak every day but I know you. It's ok."

"It's really not," Santana shook her head tearfully. "But it's going to be. Because you're here now and so am I."

"Yeah, I'm here," he tugged her even closer before carefully shifting over. She arched an eyebrow. He grinned. She rolled her eyes. He patted the bed. "Come on, San. You're like a toothpick. You're definitely going to take up that much room."

"Gee, that's what every girl wants to hear," she complained, even as she kicked her sky high heels off and climbed onto the bed, curling up on the side of his body that had the least amount of damage. She placed her head on his shoulder and soaked up the warmth. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," he confessed. "Don't leave me again, ok?"

"Ok," she promised, leaning up to press a soft kiss against his cheek. She leaned her head back down and sighed happily.

"So that's Dani, huh?"

"Yeah, that's Dani."

"She's cuter than she looks in all those pictures you post on Facebook. I approve."

Santana grinned despite herself. She knew that she didn't actually need Puck's approval in order for her to keep dating Dani. They'd been on and off for the past two years. She clearly didn't need his approval. But it made her happy to know that she had it.

"So you two look cozy," the object of her thoughts said as she walked back in the room. Santana started to rise when Puck tightened his hold and grinned, lifting his other arm.

"I do have two sides, you know?"

Santana watched as Dani's eyes widened before a giggle emerged. She smiled fondly as her girlfriend and best friend bickered. Dani pulled one of the chairs up on the other side of the bed so that she was sitting by his head. Her feet were kicked up on the bed next to his.

"I think I see what you mean about him now."

"And exactly what have you been telling her about me, Satan?"

"Well for starters, that you like to call me Satan. And that you can be an adorable pain in the ass most of the time."

"Oh," he paused, humming thoughtfully. "So basically the truth."

"Yeah, basically."

He turned his head to face Dani. "You should hear some of the things I could tell you about this one over here."

Dani grinned. "Do tell, my buzz cut friend."

"Did you know she once dated Sam because she wanted him to be her beard? Of course then she dumped him so she could be the beard for one of the football players that was also gay."

Santana flushed red but didn't stop him as Puck launched into more tales of their teenage years. She liked to think she was a lot calmer these days. Sure she still had her crazy outbursts. She was twenty one, not eighty. She was always going to be loud and slightly insane. But she knew that this man would accept nothing less from her. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and let his voice become background to the steady beating of his heart under her ear. He was here and so was she. Nothing was going to separate them again.

* * *

Blaine snickered softly at the twin snores emerging from Sam's bedroom. Despite his very vocal protests to the contrary, Sam was knocked out. Jake went in there to make sure that he got some rest. An hour later, they were both sleeping peacefully. Blaine was both happy for them and jealous at the same time. He wasn't finding sleep to be quite so peaceful. He laid down only to wake up gasping and panting just a half an hour later. He gave it up and was back to working on more lists until it was time to wake Sam and Jake. He was midway through the list on how to ready their apartment for Puck's arrival in a few weeks when he heard the front door open.

Initially he tensed because the only other person who had a key was currently snoring like his life depended on it in his bedroom. He relaxed only slightly when Kurt stuck his head around the kitchen wall.

"Hey, you're back!" Kurt beamed. Blaine nodded absently. Kurt moved to stand beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders. He placed a gentle kiss on the younger man's forehead. "How are you?"

"Fine, I guess," Blaine shrugged. "It's been a really crazy week. A lot to deal with."

Kurt glanced down at the pile of lists. "Yeah, I can see that." He sat down on the barstool next to Blaine's. "So how was it really? Was it weird? The press is saying that he killed someone. Is that true?"

Blaine tensed. He knew Kurt was just being curious but there was something in his fiancé's tone that made him feel uneasy. "Don't say it like that. He killed someone to save his life and at the time the life of one of his roommates."

"That doesn't change the fact that someone is dead and Puck is the one who did it," Kurt countered. "That's got to be weird."

"Yeah, well, fortunately we've never been in a situation where we need to fight for our lives so we're not really able to judge. So just keep your thoughts to yourself. He's pretty fragile right now."

Kurt scoffed. "We are talking about Noah Puckerman, right? He's probably loving all this attention. He's got you all answering his every beck and call. Not to mention all the press."

"Because Puck has always been an attention whore."

"Right!"

"That was sarcasm, sweetie," Blaine retorted, rolling his eyes. He stood up and walked to the other side of the kitchen island so that he was facing Kurt. "Puck is probably the least attention seeking person in our circle of friends. He has never campaigned for a single solo in any competition when he rightfully should've because he's one of the best singers I've heard. He's never even complained about not getting solos when again he should've. He never actually draws attention to himself in anyway. So I'm not really sure where you're getting that he would be happy about having the media camped outside the hospital where he's recovering from being stabbed and shot."

Kurt huffed. "Ok, but you have to understand where I'm coming from here. You got the post New Directions Puck. The Puck I first met was throwing people into dumpsters for fun. So forgive me if I'm not immediately sympathetic or understanding of his being fragile."

Blaine closed his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. He loved Kurt. He really did. He was going to marry the man. So of course he loved him. But sometimes he got on this self righteous high horse and Blaine really struggled to like him. Now was one of those moments. He shook his head and turned his back on Kurt to face the fridge. Part of his making the apartment ready for Puck was to get rid of all of the old food. They were gone a week. There was stuff that probably should've been gone before they left.

He heard Kurt sigh and move from his seat. A moment a pair of arms were wrapping around his waist. Blaine exhaled and leaned back in his fiancé's arms.

"I'm sorry," Kurt murmured against his shoulder. "I get it. You're stressed. Why don't you come home with me tonight? We can order sushi and drink some of the fancy wine Rachel hoards in her room to impress her Broadway costars. Let me take care of you for the next days. I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."

Blaine turned around in his arms to press a lingering kiss against Kurt's lips. "As amazing and tempting as that sounds, I promised Sam I would stay here and rest." He leaned in closer. "You're more than welcome to stay."

"You know I hate staying over here."

Blaine repressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah, I know. But it doesn't make any sense for me to leave. I'm going back over there in a few hours. Makes more sense for me to just stay here. It's a closer walk from my apartment than yours."

"Why are you going back over there? You were with him all week."

"You really just don't listen, do you? Puck is in the hospital. He just had to deal with some really heavy shit. The only thing that's keeping him from spiraling apart is having Jake around. The only thing keeping Jake from losing it completely is Sam and I'm the only thing keeping Sam together. So yes, I'm going back over there. And I'm going to keep going over there until he doesn't need us anymore."

"I see," Kurt said his voice flat. "You would rather spend time with him than your own fiancé? Did I hear it correctly this time?"

"If that's how you want to twist this then fine. I'm not going to argue with you. I don't have the energy. Stay, leave, do whatever you want, Kurt. I've got a thousand things to do and fighting with you isn't one of them."

He turned back to the fridge after he pulled a garbage bag from the drawer beside his hip. He was in the process of determining whether the lasagna their neighbor gave them the day before everything went down was worth a save or a pass when he heard the front door slam shut. He sighed heavily, tossing the dish back into the refrigerator and kick the door closed. He turned around and found that Sam was lingering in the doorway of the kitchen.

"You ok?"

"No," Blaine snorted. "My fiancé gets more and more dramatic with every passing day."

"You don't think he's going to cause a problem, do you?"

"Nah," Blaine waved a hand dismissively. "He just hates not being the center of attention. He'll get over all of this soon enough. Or until he finds something else to bitch about."

"If you say so," Sam replied, before another jaw cracking yawn escaped his lips. Blaine was around the kitchen counter in a flash.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"I can't sleep," Sam answered, slumping against the doorframe. "I just can't stop thinking about what could've happened. We could've lost him."

Blaine didn't hesitate to pull his taller best friend into a tight embrace. It was rare that he was the one that needed to offer comfort to Sam but he couldn't deny that it felt right. If he could help Sam even a fraction of the way the blonde had helped him through the years, it would still wouldn't be enough. But it was a start.

He pulled away so that he could rest a hand on Sam's face. His thumb absently brushed against Sam's cheeks. He smiled as Sam leaned into the touch. "You need to get some rest, Blondie. You're not going to be any good to him like this."

"I can't sleep with Jake snoring in my ear," Sam whined. Blaine laughed before moving his hand to Sam's shoulder. He pushed his best friend towards his Jake free bedroom. He let go so that he could hop onto his own bed. He patted the spot next to him. Sam sighed quietly and crawled up so that he was lying beside Blaine. "Everything is going to be ok, right?"

"Yes," Blaine promised. He held onto the hand that was resting between them. "We're going to get through this hospital thing. And then we're going to start planning our future with our brand new roommate."

"You think he's going to stay with us or go back?"

Blaine propped himself up so that he could see Sam. "I know which I would prefer but it's really up to him. I want him to stay with us. It never felt right with him being in the Air Force. It felt like something was missing. And now…"

"Now it's perfect," Sam finished. "I feel the same way. I just hope he does too."

"It's just one more thing to worry about later. Close your eyes and get some rest. I'm going to be right here. So you don't have to worry about snoring or bad dreams. I'll be right here with you."

Sam gave a small smile. "I know," he replied quietly. Blaine settled down by his side once again. He listened as Sam's breathing evened out. A sense of peace fell over the apartment. Blaine closed his own eyes, figuring he would rest for just a moment and then he was going to go back to work on that fridge. That lasagna really did need to go.

What felt like a few minutes passed and he cracked his eyes open to find that they were not in the same position they fell asleep in. Blaine was tucked into Sam's side with his head resting on Sam's chest. It wasn't like they had never cuddled before but lying on a bed tangled together like this felt a lot more intimate. Everything with them felt really intimate lately. He slowly extracted himself from Sam's sleepy arms still not sure as to what woke him up in the first place. And then he heard the snicker. He whirled around just in time for the camera to flash in his face.

"Very funny, Jake," Blaine grumbled. He glanced down to see that Sam slept on undisturbed. He really did need the sleep. He knew that the blonde wasn't sleeping even on the rare nights they could persuade him to leave the hospital during the past week. So Blaine was not in a hurry to wake him. The flash of Jake's camera phone went off again. "What are you doing?"

"Giving Kitty and Santana something to look at. You know they both ship Blam, right?"

Blaine wanted to blush. He wanted to throw something but all he did was sigh. Santana and Kitty made it no secret that they both thought he would be better matched with Sam. But the reality was that neither woman had a say in that because he was still with Kurt. He was close to being with Kurt forever. Still….

"Send that to me too," Blaine ordered after a minute. Jake gave him a smirk that was all too reminiscent of the older Puckerman brother. Now he really did throw something. Stupid perceptive shit stirring friends. "Well, since you're awake and I'm awake, you want to head back over there?"

"You're not going to wake Sleeping Beauty first?" Jake asked while puckering his lips none too subtly. Blaine rolled his eyes. Jake grinned wider. Jerk.

"No, he needs the rest. We'll send him a text. He can meet us over there."

"Ok," Jake shrugged, placing his phone in his pocket. "I wonder if I can convince Puck to ship you guys too. It'll be so much better if the dude living with you wants you to hook up."

"Just know that I hate you all so very, very much," Blaine muttered, pushing the human sized pain in his ass out the door.

"No, you don't."

* * *

Puck woke with a start. His breaths came in short, heaving pants as he looked wildly around the room. He didn't know where he was. This wasn't his room at the base. It wasn't his room at home. Where was he? He heard a beeping noise that seemed to get louder with every second that passed. A television was on in the room. He narrowed his eyes as he recognized the show playing quietly in the background. It was that British science fiction show that Blaine was always trying to get him to watch… but he watched it already. Right? On the base…. he shuddered as his memories of the past week finally returned and he knew where he was. He willed his heart rate to slow down. The last thing in the world he wanted was yet another nurse to come in and smother him with concern.

He turned his attention to the television. When Santana was there earlier, she changed the discs, complaining that she had already watched the first three series. She wanted to watch the fourth. He watched with her for a while before he gave into the sleep he'd been fighting against all afternoon. He woke up in just in time to watch the Tenth Doctor reunite with his beloved Rose. He focused on the television and tried to ignore the images that forced him awake. He got shot. Twice. There was no way in hell he was going to concede defeat to some nightmares…. except that he might because they were getting worse. It was getting harder and harder to try and ignore the memories from that night. He was trying to keep it together for Sam, Jake and Blaine. Now he had to add Santana and Artie onto that list. He just didn't know how much more he could take.

His head snapped towards the door when he heard a soft knocking. A moment later, a head of soft brown hair was peering around the door. He felt his already battered heart break a little more as Rachel Berry stepped into his room wearing an already teary smile. He gave what he hoped was a smile in return but he knew it failed by the faltering of her own.

"Hey, Rach."

"Noah," she stepped further in the room. "We're not bothering you, are we?"

"We?" Puck asked. Rachel turned to open the door further to reveal… Kurt. Well that was unexpected. They weren't exactly friends. And they never really resolved the whole Finn's jacket thing. With Santana, he knew that it was only a matter of time before they made up and started talking again. It was definitely not the same with Kurt. He honestly didn't expect to see much of Kurt while he was in New York. He definitely wasn't expecting to have to deal with it this soon. Oh well, might as well play along. The man was marrying one of his best friends after all. And he was still Finn's brother at the end of the day.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Puckerman," he nodded his head towards the bedridden man before turning his attention towards inspecting his room. Puck fidgeted and then looked to Rachel who was sitting in Dani's vacated chair. She had her hands clasped tightly together on her lap and he knew that she was barely holding it together.

"You look good, babe," he grinned, a little more genuinely.

She gave him a warmer smile. "Considering everything that you've been through this week, I say that you look good too. I missed you."

"I missed you too," he replied sincerely. "Thanks for the cookies. I got at least three cookies before that fat-ass Caleb ate them all." Puck paused. Caleb… Josh… his bunkmates. The two he entered the Air Force with. He swallowed. Sometimes he forgot that they were gone. "He was a total fat-ass. He's not that anymore. He's not anything anymore."

He glanced down at his hands. He remembered pressing down on the wound on Caleb's chest. He remembered begging him to stay with him. Begging him to stop bleeding and fight to stay alive. The blood wouldn't stop and it was all over his hands. But he didn't know if it's was Caleb's blood, his blood or Jackson….. He didn't know he was wiping his hand against his sheet covered leg until he felt Rachel's hand cover his.

"Noah," she started, trailing off sadly. She lifted their joined hands to her lips and placed a kiss on the back of his hand. "I wish there was something I could…. do you need anything? Is there something that I can do? Someone you need me to call or something?"

"No. Not that I don't need you… I just… I'm ok. For now. Blaine has been using his OCD for good. He's got like a thousand checklists. I think everyone and their mothers know about this. Hell, pretty sure my own mother knows by now."

"She still hasn't come around, huh?"

Come around… that was one way of putting it. His mother was always a piece of work but that last fight after Finn's funeral. It was bad. They both said things that were wrong. But she crossed the line when she said that it would've been better if he had died instead of Finn. At least Finn's mother had something to be proud of. It hurt. He knew on some level that his mother compared him to Finn. He was used it. Everyone compared him to Finn. Everyone wanted him to live up to Finn's standards. He knew that more than a few people wondered how he got to live while someone like Finn had to die. But to hear his own mother say it…. it hurt. He left and he didn't look back. His mother never made any attempt to reach out to him. And his own sister unfriended him on Facebook. It was pathetic. But the void that was left by his mother and Finn was swiftly filled by support from Burt and Carole and of course, Jake, Blaine, Sam and Rachel. They were always there to give him support when he felt like he couldn't do it.

"Why Sam?" Rachel asked suddenly, dragging him out of his thoughts. He raised an eyebrow and smiled a little as she blushed. "I just mean why did you put Sam down as your next of kin? Why not…"

"Rach, in case you're ignorant of your own success, which I know you're not. Thanks for that autographed  _Funny Girl_  soundtrack by the way. But in case you forgot, you're kind of a big deal right now. You didn't need something like this on you. I just couldn't do that to you. Not after everything with Finn. I barely wanted to put Sam down but I couldn't use Jake. He's literally all the family I have left. It was nothing against you, Rachel. Because I know that if I had, you would've dropped everything and been at my side. Ok?"

Her eyes shone even brighter in the room as she nodded. "Ok," she forced a laugh but he could hear the barely held back tears. "I'm going to get you something for this room. According to Sam, they're going to keep you here for another couple of weeks. This room is way too boring. You need some colors. I'm going to get you flowers. Yes, flowers. Flowers are perfect. Everyone loves flowers, right? You like flowers, right?"

"Yeah, babe. I like flowers."

"Great!" she popped out of her seat, already heading towards the door. "I'm going to go you some flowers. Kurt, keep him company until I get back." With that said she was out of the door and powering down the hallway. Puck wished there was a way to warn the poor people staffing the hospital gift shop. They had no idea what pure hell was about to invade their store. An emotionally unbalanced Rachel Berry was not something one wanted to come across without copious amounts of tranquilizers and alcohol.

With Rachel gone, the silence in the room quickly went from pleasant straight to awkward. Puck never professed to be Kurt's friend but even he could tell that there was something bothering the other man. He was quiet but in a hostile manner. He wondered if he should bring it up. Then again this was Kurt. Asking him might open up a can of worms that Puck knew he wasn't prepared to deal with at all.

"This is that show that Blaine is always talking about," Kurt mused out loud. "I didn't know you watched it too."

"You know Blaine. He gets hooked on something and he's not going to rest until he gets everyone hooked on it too. He sent me the entire series along with the sonic screwdriver remote for Hanukkah last year. I took that as his hint he wanted me to watch."

Kurt smiled faintly. But even still Puck could see the tension. He swallowed and leaned his head back against his bed. He was so not prepared to deal with this. He was so not ok with dealing with this right now.

"So how long are you staying?"

"In the hospital or New York in general?"

"Both."

"Uh, Sammy said it would be like a couple of weeks here. And if Sam and Jake get their way, I'll be staying here forever. The Air Force is giving me a few months to think about whether I want to come back. Sam is already plotting how to get me to stay on their couch for the rest of our lives."

"Wait, you're staying with Sam and Blaine?"

Puck blinked. "Uh, yeah? Is that a problem?"

He knew that he was definitely being shielded from most of the planning and whatnot but that seemed like one of the more basic elements. Where else was he going to stay? There was barely enough room for Santana, Rachel and Kurt in their loft. Artie had the extra room (that was pretty much guaranteed to be Jake's in the fall) but Puck was going to be in a wheelchair himself for the first few weeks out of the hospital. Was there really enough room for two wheelchair bound guys in one apartment? Sam and Blaine shared a two bedroom apartment but their couch was all sorts of awesome. He could see himself living on that… for awhile. Not that it mattered right now. Now he just wanted to focus on getting out of the hospital.

"Is it a problem? Oh, let me think. I haven't seen my fiancé in close to a week because of you. He seems to think that he needs to stay attached to you like glue when it's the other one who's your next of kin. And you're still not seeing why this is a problem?"

Puck took a deep breath. "I get it, Kurt. Ok. I get why it's a problem. I really don't want to talk about this right now. Can we just take a rain check?"

"No, no we cannot. Because this is how it starts. Everything was going fine until you showed up. We were all happy living here and now you're here and things are already starting to get screwed up. Because that's what you do, Puck. You screw everything up."

Puck clenched his hand tightly into a fist and forced himself to breath. "Kurt, really, can we not do this today. I promise I will let you berate me and tell me how I am first class fuck up in a week. But just not today."

"No, for once we're working on my schedule," Kurt countered. "I have waited years for this moment. Do you know how long I've been wanting to say these things to you but I couldn't because I was always afraid you were going to hit me."

Puck's jaw dropped. "Dude, I have never hit you."

"No, you just tossed me into dumpsters or threw slushies in my face."

"One, I never slushied you. Only Rachel. Doesn't make it better but at least get the facts straight. And yes, I did used to dump you in the dumpster. I apologized for that. You said that you forgave me!"

"I lied!" Kurt yelled, eyes blazing. "I lied because I don't forgive you. I don't like you. You ruined my high school years and now when I finally managed to get past that, here you are trying to ruin my life again. Because that's who you are. You're toxic, Puck. And I wish that everyone could see it. I see it. We all know your mom sees it."

"Get out," Puck growled.

"No," Kurt said, raising an eyebrow. "By the way, how did things work out with Quinn? Did she finally realize that you ruined her life in high school and would most likely only do it again now that we've graduated? I mean Rachel's mom can only adopt so many babies."

Puck felt his blood pressure rise at the casual jab at his daughter. He knew that Kurt was lashing out right now because of his insecurities about his relationship with Blaine but that was no reason to drag Beth into this. Beth was… Beth still hurt him. He loved his daughter and he was resigned to occasional Face Time conversation with her. No one got to throw that in his face. Not when…. he felt the lump in his throat grow. His skin felt hot and itchy. He wanted this conversation to be over. Before Kurt said something he could never take back… some more. Because honestly at this point, Puck wouldn't be too broken up if he never saw the other man again. He fought against the tears building in his eyes.

"Kurt, get the fuck out of my room. Now!"

"Make me!" Kurt threw his hands up. "You can't can you? Big Bad Puck can't fight the little gay kid anymore. Sucks doesn't it? To be the weak one? Then again you don't want to hit me. That's not how you solve problems anymore. You just kill them."

Puck's eyes widened even as he felt a pang in his chest. A steady pounding started in his head. He tried to tune it out. He tried to stay in the moment. "Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about. Just get out!"

"No, Rachel told me to keep you company. I'm just doing what she asked me to do." He struck a mock thinking pose. "Let's see what else can we talk about? Oh, I know. Let's talk about Finn. Let's talk about how you were there the night my brother died and you didn't do a damn thing to stop it from happening. But that seems to be a running theme in your life these days."

"Kurt, seriously," he voice cracked. "Please leave. I'm asking you."

"Just like I asked you not to throw me in a dumpster? To take care of my brother? Yeah, I asked and I got nothing. Get used to it. Or better yet, you want me to leave then make me!"

"Kurt!"

"Puck!"

The pounding was getting louder. He realized that it was his heart. He could hear his heart beating. It sounded really fast. It wasn't supposed to be that fast, right? It was bad when it beat that fast, wasn't it? Did it matter? What was he even saying? He looked down at his hands. His hands that were covered in blood again. Wait, again? Were they ever clean? Why was there blood on his hands? Oh god, Jackson had a gun. Why did he have a gun? Why did he… he shot Caleb…. Caleb got shot. Josh too. But he knew that Josh was gone. But Caleb was looking at him. Begging him to save him. He asked him to save him. He let him down. He let Finn down. He… killed someone. He was toxic. He was a cancer. He had to go. He had to leave.

"Puck?"

He heard the voice from somewhere but he didn't care. He had to go. He had to get out. He shifted from the bed. Why was he in bed? It didn't matter. He forced himself off the bed but cried out as soon as he tried to support his weight on the floor. Why did his leg hurt? Why did everything hurt?

"Shit, Puck? Stop. Just relax. Lie back down."

He struggled against the arms that were suddenly on him. He didn't want to be touched. Not now. He needed to go but they were holding him back. He was cancer. He had to go. He had to go before he destroyed it all. He already ruined so much. So many people because of him. All because of him. He pushed the arms surrounding him away, hearing the person let out a cry as they fell away from him. He took a painful step forward before he felt a sharp, stinging pain in his wrist. He looked down and saw that there was blood.

He felt dizzy suddenly. Why was he so…? Puck blinked fuzzily around the room before he finally gave into the darkness that was creeping into his vision. As he gave into the peaceful oblivion there was one thought that surfaced in his mind. He managed to whisper it before everything went black.

"I'm sorry."


	3. Coming Undone

Jake knew that to those outside of their inner gleek circle, he and Puck had a very weird relationship. He knew that. A lot of people were confused by the way they interacted with one another. Jake knew that it was actually normal for people to assume that he was actually Puck's kid instead of his kid brother until they actually met him. But that was mostly because for the past two years Puck was both brother  _and_  father figure. That's not to say that Jake's mother didn't do more than her fair share of the parenting. He would never take that away from her. But for the most part she didn't understand Jake. Puck, on the other hand, he understood Jake. Mostly because he was Jake at one point in his life. So he understood exactly what was going through his little brother's head and was able to deliver the necessary guidance and advice to help him stay on the mostly right path. Puck wasn't perfect after all.

For the most part it was a mostly successful (not that either brother doubted it would be). Jake managed to move from average student to the top ten of his grade. He would be graduating with honors in a few months and was accepted into all of his top choice schools. And while he wouldn't have been able to get this far without his mother and her infinite well of patience, Jake knew that a bulk of his accomplishment belonged to Puck. Because his brother wouldn't allow him to make the same mistakes he did. Puck thoroughly kicked his ass after the whole Bree pregnancy scare thing. He also scared him straight. He warned him that he could keep doing what he was doing and end up like their father or he could be something more. He also not subtly hinted that he wouldn't be along for the ride should Jake chose the path most followed. So Jake sucked it up and cleaned up his act. Without glee, he found that he had time to focus on his studies more. He found out he was really good at science. More than that, he actually liked science. And that's how he found himself considering pre-med as a major in the fall. Because he had an older brother that made sure he made the right choices. He had an older brother that understood him because he used to be like him. To put it simply Puck was Jake without a Puck. Puck had a Finn before who helped give him some focus but now Finn was gone and Puck decided that the Air Force would be that guiding light that he so desperately needed. And because of the Air Force, his brother almost died.

Puck was given leave from active duty along with the stipulation that he could be honorably discharged at some point. Jake lived in the constant fear that his brother was going to choose to return. When Puck first announced that he was going to enlist, Jake did all the research on the subject that he could. He was terrified that Puck was going to get deployed to some foreign country and die far away from everyone that loved him. He never expected that to happen when his brother was on American soil and sleeping in his room. He never wanted Puck to go back there. He didn't want Puck leaving New York period. He knew that Sam and Blaine felt the same way. He felt fairly confident that they would do everything in their power to make sure that Noah Puckerman never left New York because if there was anyone in this world that loved Puck almost as much if not a little more than Jake, it was Sam. Along with Blaine, Artie, Rachel and Santana, Jake was pretty confident they were going to hatch out a plan that would keep Puck in New York.

"What are you grinning about?" Blaine asked as they made the short walk back to the hospital. He grinned at the slightly older man. Blaine raised an eyebrow.

"Just thinking of my poor big brother and the crap you guys are going to pull on him to make sure that he stays in New York. Just remember to go easy on him, right now. He's a little bit broken in case you forgot."

Blaine snickered. "Yeah, I've already had to shoot down a few of Santana's ideas. I don't think she realizes that tying him down is considered kidnapping and still pretty illegal in all fifty states. Artie's are at least a little tamer but no less psychotic."

"My poor, poor….." Jake trailed off as he felt a chill down his spine. He stopped walking as he concentrated on that feeling. This wasn't the first time he experienced this sensation. He felt it the morning of the shooting. He knew something was wrong even before his mother called. Kitty would probably describe it as some kind of psychic connection between them because they were brothers. Whatever it was, Jake knew to listen to it. He hurried his pace ignoring Blaine's confused questions in the background.

As he made his way through the lobby and towards the elevator, he vaguely noticed Santana and Dani were back and arguing with Rachel who was loaded down with flowers. He didn't know his brother even liked flowers. But whether he did or didn't was far from his concern at the moment. Because something was very wrong. He stabbed the button for the elevator impatiently. He needed to get up there.

"Screw this," he muttered, before heading towards the staircase. He didn't need to look to know that Blaine was keeping up with him despite the fact that he was confused. It was one of the things that Jake admired about Blaine. He knew when to shut up and go with the flow. And he also knew when to stand up and take charge. That moment came the minute they emerged from the stairwell on Puck's floor to find a flurry of nurses, orderlies and doctors milling about in the hallway. "Blaine?"

"It's ok," he assured him even as he stepped forward trying to understand what was happening. He finally managed to get one of the nurses to stop. "Uh, excuse me, but what's going on? That's my friend in that room."

"Right, you're Blaine and the brother," the nurse (Hannah, her nametag said) nodded. "We were just about to call you. I'm afraid Lt. Puckerman collapsed. The doctor is examining him right now but it appears that he's aggravated some of his wounds. They're prepping an OR for surgery. I'm so sorry but I have to go." With that said the woman hurried away, barking orders to another set of nurses and orderlies.

Jake felt nauseous and cold. What the hell happened? They were only gone for five hours. When he left his brother was joking and smiling. And now he was being prepped for surgery? What the hell possibly happened in the span of five hours?!

He looked up as the sea of people parted to allow a gurney to be pushed out Puck's room. He felt the bile rising as he recognized his motionless brother on the stretcher. He could see blood stains on the thin hospital issue t-shirt he wore. The most disturbing was the blood seemed to be pooling on the stretcher. Jake swallowed against the lump in his throat and held a hand against his stomach. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

Blaine stepped away from him to walk into the room. Whatever he saw in there caused him to spin on his heels and rush out of the room. Jake felt him put a hand on his elbow and guide him to a space further away from the empty room. He watched as Blaine struggled to control the various emotions that were flitting across his face. There were too many for Jake to completely gauge but fear was the most prevalent. Blaine was scared. Realistically, Jake knew that Blaine was scared but he hadn't shown fear this whole time but now he was. Now he was scared and letting it show.

"Blaine, what's going on?" he asked, quietly. "Why are they taking him back into surgery? What did you see in his room that's got you liked this?" he trailed off as he caught sight of something, or rather someone, over Blaine's shoulder. "And what the hell is Kurt doing here?"

Blaine craned his neck to see that his fiancé was in fact standing not too far away from Puck's room. Jake felt Blaine tense and felt the same tension. Because it was definitely not a secret that Kurt was very much not a fan of Puck. So why was he visiting him in the hospital? Why was he visiting right around the time that Puck suddenly needed to go to surgery again? What the hell did he do? And Jake was certain that he did something. He could read the defiance in Kurt's eyes as he met the twin brown eyed stares from across the hall.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to visit a friend!" Kurt snapped at Jake's question. Blaine pushed him back as he took a step towards Kurt, growling.

"Really? Since when have you been friends with Puck?" Blaine asked, clearly not feeling Kurt's excuses either. "What are you really doing here?"

"I came with Rachel," Kurt huffed. "She called me a little after I left you. She said that Elliot was running late and probably wasn't going to make it today. She really didn't want to see Puck alone so I volunteered to go with her."

"Ok," Blaine said, crossing his arms over his chest. "So what happened?"

"How should I know? One minute we're in there talking and then he's passed out on the floor and the machines are going crazy."

Blaine tilted his head to the side. "Why was there blood on the floor?" Jake didn't miss the way that Kurt tensed at the question. "Seriously, Puck is a stubborn bastard but he's been on his best behavior this past week. He hasn't moved an inch unless he was told to do so. So my question is how did he collapse and aggravate injuries he's been very careful not to aggravate. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Kurt yelled back. "I can't believe that you're sitting here accusing me of having done something."

Blaine didn't respond. Instead he continued to stare at Kurt with assessing eyes. Jake knew that Blaine wasn't stupid enough to believe that Kurt was totally blameless in this issue. But whatever role he played in whatever happened would have to wait. Clearly something was going down and they needed Sam here. Sam was the only one who had any actual power. The hospital staff wouldn't even tell Jake and that was his brother! He was… he is his brother. Puck is his brother. Because Puck was still alive. He was going to get through this… right?

"Jake?" he heard Blaine's voice but it sounded far away. He distantly heard Blaine let out a muttered curse before he felt two hands on his shoulder. "Hey, kid, I need you to snap out of this. I know I'm not like Sam or Puck but I need you to focus on me."

"I can't… I can't breathe," Jake gasped. His skin felt like it was on fire. He could felt his blood pounding in his ears. He knew what was happening. He felt this before. It was a panic attack. He had them a lot in the days following the incident with the gun at school. He remembered Puck was there for him through every one of them. What was he supposed do without his brother? He didn't want to go back to being Jake without Puck especially since he knew what having Puck around felt like. He didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back. He… couldn't breathe….

"You can breathe," Blaine said, while also opening the top few buttons of Jake's shirt. "You can breathe. We're going to go where you have a little more space, ok?" he felt Blaine's hands on his shoulders. He felt him guiding him and he let him. Because right now Jake was not ok and he wasn't going to be ok. Not until someone fixed his brother and life left him alone. "Kurt, call Sam and tell him to get over here."

"You want me to call Sam?"

Jake could almost see Blaine roll his eyes. "That would be why I asked you to do it."

He clearly wasn't in the mood for any further conversation as they were moving shortly after that. He let Blaine steer him straight into the family waiting room. As soon as they were through the doors, he was pacing. He didn't have any particular pattern in mind, he just moved. It helped to soothe him. He walked in circles. He walked in squares. He paced the room until he bumped into something solid and warm and familiar. He felt Santana's arms wrap around him and he gave into the urge to breakdown.

* * *

Blaine felt like a failure. There was no other way to describe how he completely and utterly screwed this all up. It was his idea to make Sam go back to sleep when his best friend was already awake and ready to return to the hospital. It was Blaine who dismissed the idea of Kurt causing a problem. It was Blaine that made the decision to leave Sam back at the apartment instead of taking him to the hospital. It was Blaine who didn't know how to deal with Jake's panic attacks. He was useless.

"You're not useless," Rachel said, taking a seat next to him. He blinked in her empty handed direction. She mustered a weak smile. "I left the flowers downstairs after Kurt called."

"Kurt called you? I told him to call Sam."

"I know," she replied, her tone showing she wasn't pleased with the soprano singer either. "He called me instead. Dani called Sam. He's on his way now." Blaine nodded slowly. He looked up to where Santana was quietly talking to a huddled Jake. "You didn't mess this up, Blaine. Remember Santana has over eighteen years of experiencing in dealing with Puckerman panic attacks."

Blaine choked out a watery laugh and leaned against Rachel. They rested their heads together. He sat there breathing in Rachel's strawberry scented shampoo and listened to Santana's quiet murmurs in the background. He let the simplicity of the moment wash over him. He let it soothe his jagged and frayed nerves. "Thanks," he mumbled after a few calming moments. She nodded.

"No thanks necessary. I'm reasonably sure that we're all going to be having some variation of a breakdown throughout his recovery. It was just your turn."

Blaine laughed again. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Suddenly the doors to the waiting room opened letting in Sam, Elliot and Kurt. Rachel, Dani and Blaine all stood as soon as Sam walked in. He ignored them all in favor of stopping in front of Jake. He whispered something in the teen's ear that got him to smile albeit weakly but the effort was made. Santana was also smiling as they joined the others in the center of the room.

"Sam, what's going on?" Blaine finally asked. He was nervous that his best friend was angry with him. Sam gave him a quick smile that allayed those fears… at least for now.

"From what I understand, he had some kind of… episode," Sam reported, shaking his head. "They had to take him to surgery to repair the damage he got when he fell. He tried to get up and his leg buckled causing him to fall. But before that he ripped his IV out. Overall he moved a lot of things that were only just beginning to heal."

"He's not going to die from this, right?"

"No, but from what they were able to tell me this is definitely a setback," Sam sighed. "His doctor should be in here soon to talk to us about what's going on and how we proceed. So now we wait."

Blaine and Rachel sat down in their original seats. Kurt started to sit with them but changed his mind at the last minute choosing to sit as far away from the others as he could in the room. It was only confirmation for Blaine that Kurt had something to do with this "episode". But until he knew how Puck was, Blaine was going to let it go.

A few hours later, the doors opened once again letting in two more people. Blaine recognized them as Puck's primary attending doctor as well as one of the nurses. During their stay in Tennessee, Sam told Blaine that Dr. Green reminded him of a saner Coach Sylvester. He could see that. Puck's New York doctor, however, Dr. Harris, reminded Blaine of an even more insane Coach Sylvester. He definitely didn't want to be on that woman's bad side…. which judging from the glare she was leveling at them, they were. What now?

"Before I tell you anything, let me make one thing perfectly clear. Noah Puckerman has been through significant physical and mental trauma in the past week. He is not to be agitated. He is not to be physically engaged. I don't know what happens in your little circle of friends and I don't care outside of how it affects my patient. But just understand that if anything like this happens again, I will have you all banned from this facility. Do you understand?"

Blaine was silent as the woman continued to berate them all. The various pieces of information he had were starting to come together to form a clear picture. He knew that something happened in that room while Kurt was there but would he really? Kurt wouldn't go that far… would he?

"Ok, I'm sorry because we're not all on the same page here," Sam interrupted when Dr. Harris paused to take a breath. "What are you talking about? What did we do?"

"Several staff reported hearing yelling coming from Lt. Puckerman's room prior to his collapse. Nurse Baxter was in the room when he ultimately collapsed. She was able to explain that prior to his falling down he was experiencing an episode of displacement. In laymen's terms, his mind was retreating from his body due to extreme emotional overload. I really didn't think I needed to actually say that is pretty much the opposite of what we want for him right now. Maybe Dr. Green didn't make this clear to you all, but I will. Lt. Puckerman is not well right now. Physically or mentally. He's putting up a great show but he's not sleeping and he's definitely not eating the amount he should be. This little episode today is major setback on his road to recovery. He came dangerously close to having a stroke."

Santana waved a hand in the air. "Hold up, Doctor Strange, because I'm totally confused. You're saying that someone was yelling at Puck? None of us would do that."

"One of us would," Blaine muttered. He looked up to meet Kurt's betrayed gaze. "After everything we talked about this afternoon..." Blaine trailed off. Shock, hurt and anger were at war in his body. He didn't know how to react.

"I didn't mean…." Whatever he did or did not mean would never be known as Sam took that moment to lunge at the other man. Dr. Harris and the nurse took a step back but made no motions to intervene or notify security. Great!

"Sam!" Blaine yelled, trying to drag his enraged best friend off his fiancé. Elliot moved so that he was standing in between the pair. Sam continued to struggle against Blaine to get at Kurt. He couldn't remember a time when he saw Sam this pissed off. Then again Puck was never at the brink of death before now. First times all around.

"El, Dani, get him out of here," Santana demanded. Blaine glanced over his shoulder to see that both she and Rachel had a hand on Jake. The teen was looking conflicted and Blaine was grateful that they had the presence of mind to hold on to him. They didn't need any more people attacking Kurt at the moment. Especially when they all wanted a piece of that action. Because really? He went after Puck when he was hurting and alone. That's beyond low. Blaine was simultaneously disgusted and disappointed.

Elliot took one look around the room before nodding. He started pushing Kurt towards the door. Blaine pointedly ignored Kurt's pleading face as Elliot and Dani all but dragged him away. Because right now Kurt and his feelings was the last thing that Blaine was concerned about. He was worried about Puck. But more immediately he was worried about how pissed off Sam was. Blaine put his hands on Sam's face and forced him to look him in the eye. He saw the rage there but it was the fear that was clearly expressed in those green orbs that ate at Blaine because Sam wasn't supposed to be scared anymore. They were supposed to be past the point of any of them being scared. And yet…

"Hey, Blondie. I need you to get your head back in the game here," Blaine crooned once he saw recognition spark in Sam's eyes. "Sammy, you with me? Because I really need you right now, ok? We all need you. Please?"

Slowly Blaine felt the tension leech out of Sam's body. And then two hands were covering his. Blaine smiled up at Sam. "Hi."

"Hi," Blaine let his thumb run over Sam's cheek briefly. "You with me?"

"Always," Sam replied. "Also I hate your fiancé."

Blaine smiled weakly. "Not too fond of him myself at the moment. You ready to talk to the doctor?"

"Is it wrong that I just want to hide right now with just you and Puck and Jake?"

"No," Blaine shook his head, still using his thumbs to brush against Sam's cheeks. "And as soon as he gets out of here, we're going to make that happen, ok? Just the four of us."

"Six," Santana corrected. "Like Hell you're leaving me and the midget out of this."

"What she said," Rachel chimed in with a smile.

"Well this just went from interesting to disgustingly sickening in less than a minute," Dr. Harris muttered. Yeah, she was definitely some sort of long lost relative of Sylvester. Totally. "Now if the dramatics are over, can I get on with my spiel please?"

Blaine stepped away from Sam reluctantly and pointedly ignored Jake and Santana's leering looks and knowing smirks. They were jerks. Sam wiped a hand over his face before forcing his best smile on his face.

"Sorry about that, Dr. Harris. What were you saying about Puck?"

"He did come very close to having a stroke. Closer than I feel completely comfortable with. His blood pressure was too high. I cannot stress enough that his emotional and physical condition is extremely fragile at the moment. He cannot be upset, stressed or overwhelmed. Physically he is starting to heal well but mentally," she trailed off with a heavy sigh. "Mentally, he's not as good as he's pretending to be. He definitely has a diagnosis of PTSD and that in itself is triggering enough. He doesn't need further external stressors."

"Yeah," Sam raked a hand through his hair. "That won't be happening again. Trust me. But you said something earlier about him not sleeping?"

"I read his chart from Tennessee. Apparently he's not been sleeping. Additionally, he's been losing weight rapidly which indicates that he's not eating as well. That's another symptom of PTSD and depression. So I hope that you can understand why we are very concerned about his mental state now."

"Dr. Harris, I know that we might not have set the best example thus far but is it possible for one of us to stay with him overnight? Maybe that will help him feel comfortable enough to sleep. He hates hospitals. It can either be myself or his brother, Jake."

Dr. Harris stared at them with a calculating look in her eyes. Blaine saw the minute she was about to launch an argument against the idea. Blaine also saw the moment that argument died on her lips when faced with the full force of Jake's Puppy Dog Eyes from Hell. Worked every single time.

"Fine, you two can stay in the room with him overnight. But only you two for now. I'll think about allowing other people in there but I don't think it needs to be said that your other friend is not allowed within a five foot radius of Lt. Puckerman."

"Don't worry," Santana assured her. "That definitely won't be happening. But is he awake now… can we at least see him?"

"Just family and next of kin right now. He's resting in his room. Doubt he'll be awake until tomorrow. His body just underwent a significant trauma in addition to the surgery to repair the internal damage. He'll be under until tomorrow. I'll allow you to see him then."

"Ok," Sam grinned, turning to Jake "You go ahead and I'll meet you back at the room."

Jake narrowed his eyes. "Where are you going?"

Sam's grin wider and Blaine got a little nervous about the intentions behind that smile. "Why I'm going to have a few words with Kurt. Don't worry. I'll have a few for you as well."

"Never doubted you for a second, bro," Jake smirked.

Blaine chewed on his lip as noticed a similar smirk on Santana's lips. The worrisome part was when Rachel smiled a swell. This wasn't going to end well… for Kurt. And yet somehow he couldn't force himself to feel bad at all. Kurt did this. He hurt Puck. He crossed a line and for once there were going to be some damn consequences. Yeah, Blaine couldn't find it in himself to feel bad for his fiancé at all.

* * *

This may come as a surprise to some but Sam never really liked Kurt Hummel. And that was weird because Sam liked everyone. He liked Santana even though she spent most of her time insulting him. He liked Finn even when his dearly departed friend was directly responsible for his breakup with Quinn (who he later dumped). So yeah, Sam wasn't used to the idea of not liking someone… but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he did not like Kurt Hummel. From the very beginning he was always wary of the older teen's intentions. He knew that Kurt was being bullied but Sam was of the belief that Kurt used that as a shield to deflect attention away from the things he said or did. Because honestly who wasn't bullied in New Directions?! But Kurt made it seem like his suffering was more important than everyone else.

Even after they all stood up to Karofsky for him, Kurt left. He took his parent's honeymoon money and defected to Dalton like a week before Sectionals. Then when the Warblers lost at Regionals and New Directions advanced to Nationals in New York, Kurt was suddenly over his bullying problem and was back. So no, Sam was never a fan of Kurt. He thought the older teen was selfish and materialistic, not to mention completely oblivious to how lucky he was to have the type of father he had. He was also fortunate to have a loving and wonderful stepmother as well. Then, of course, there was the whole Blaine issue.

Sam remembered not liking Kurt. He always found him a touch "too much" at times. But Sam never hated him… until he and Blaine broke up. Honestly Sam never gave Blaine much thought while they were together. But once Blaine was away from Kurt, Sam realized just what he was missing out on. Blaine without Kurt was amazing. He was fun, snarky, caring and smart as Hell. Blaine with Kurt, however, was dull and colorless. He hid everything that made him awesome because he was scared Kurt wouldn't love all of him. He was probably right.

But whatever, all of this was just to say that Sam didn't like Kurt. He never did and he likely never would. But he has never wanted to hurt him before. Not even after all the hundreds of small things he has said or done to hurt Blaine on a semi daily basis ever since they moved to NYC. He hated him, sure. But he never wanted to hurt him… until now. Until he almost finished the job started on Tennessee. Until he almost took Puck from Sam permanently. Now all bets were off because no one took Puck from Sam.

Sam forced the white hot rage down as they neared the spot out front where Dani and Elliot were warily watching Kurt pace. All three looked up once the others got closer. Sam felt really bad for Elliot and Dani. They really had no clue what was happening but it was definitely happening.

"You have one minute to explain just what the hell you were thinking attacking Puck like that or I swear I'm letting Trouty Mouth go all Kentucky Thunder on your ass!" Santana snarled, stepping in Kurt's personal space. Sam almost grinned at the look of terror that crossed Kurt's face in that moment. Almost.

"I didn't mean for all of that to happen! I just… I blanked out when he told me that he was staying with you guys." He looked at Blaine. "You never told me he was going to be moving in with you guys."

Sam raised an eyebrow. He was seriously going to put this on Blaine? He almost caused a man to have a stroke but it was all Blaine's fault. Yeah, screw this he was totally going Kentucky Thunder on Kurt's ass.

"Really?!" Blaine's incredulous voice cut through Sam's homicidal thoughts. He store his eyes away from Kurt to look at Blaine. It was like he aged a year in the past twenty minutes. "You're seriously going to blame this all on me? Since when do I need to clear who comes and goes in my apartment? For the record, Puck isn't officially moving in. He's staying with us for a little while. How long? Don't know for sure but he's staying with us. And I'm sure that's exactly what he told you. I must have missed when you asked me if it was cool for Mercedes to stay with you last month."

"That was different!" Kurt protested. Blaine crossed his arms over his chest and arched an eyebrow, seeking an elaboration on that one. "Mercedes is my best friend. And Puck is…"

"Mine," Blaine finished. "Puck is my best friend along with Sam. I share an apartment with Sam. Neither of us have to clear our guests with you. Especially since you have made it clear on numerous occasions that spending the night at my apartment is the equivalent of slumming it for you. So that's not a valid excuse at all. Try again, dear."

Kurt ran a shaking hand through his hair as he tried to find something else to latch onto. Sam almost felt bad. Ok, no he didn't. "Look, I know! Ok! I know. It's just… it's Puck! Everything has been good for us here. Now he's here and we're all fighting!"

"Yeah because you almost gave him a stroke," Santana retorted with an eye roll. "Whatever you deal is with Puck is on you but you need to deal with it, Hummel."

"I don't have any issues with Puckerman."

"Yeah that's why you were leading the charge against him about Finn's jacket," Rachel pointed out. Kurt gave her a scandalized look. She glared right back. "It's amazing what you learn by talking to people. Marley told me everything that happened before I got there. How you and Santana basically chased Noah out. But that you were particularly venomous in your attacks. Whatever Noah may have done to you in the past, it was nothing compared to what he did to me. And I forgave him and still do. I truly forgave him because he has more than made up for the year he spent tossing slushies and tossing people in dumpsters. He joined New Directions in way that even Finn couldn't in the beginning."

"He chose glee over football," Santana clarified. "I know we all like to gloss over Finn's flaws now that he's gone but he wasn't perfect. Neither is perfect. But at least Puck has apologized numerous times for his flaws and tried to change for the better."

"So you're saying that I should just forgive and forget everything he's ever done to me?"

"Whether you really do forgive is up to you but I was there when you said that you did forgive him. So at least have the guts to man up to your real feelings. Be honest. And the fact that you waited until he was weak and at his lowest makes what you did worse than anything he's ever done to you by far."

"It makes you the bully," Blaine finished for Sam. "Congratulations!"

Kurt looked horrified. "I'm not a bully. He is! So he joins the Air Force and we're all just supposed to accept that he's grown up and changed?"

"No, we all accepted that a long time ago," Rachel pointed out. "Noah changed long before the Air Force, long before Finn…. He changed right after Beth. And you're the only one that doesn't want to see that. You've officially become what you always claimed to hate. You purposely waited until someone was alone, weak and vulnerable and attacked. I can only imagine what you said that caused that kind of reaction. I know Noah. I know what he's capable of taking. So I can't imagine how horrible you must have been."

"I'm not a bully!" Kurt repeated, shrilly.

"Really? So why did you wait until he was stuck in a hospital bed? Why not tell him last year when he was up for a visit? Or even last month when we were Face Timing him and you were there in the background? I know why. It's because you're a fucking coward," Sam spat. "You're a coward and a bully. And for the record, because I know you still believe this but it wasn't Puck who took the jacket. It was Mr. Schuester."

"What?"

"Yeah," Sam drawled. "Mr. Schue took the jacket when San was sleeping. But then he did what Puck wanted to do in the first place. He had them hang the jacket up in the locker room in Finn's memory."

"That… that's what Puck wanted the jacket for?"

"Yeah, so you really need to get over whatever your damage is when it comes to Puckerman before you end up murdering him," Santana spoke up.

Sam grinned. Seemed like the Puckerman-Lopez connection was back on track. Thank God. He was tired of both of them moping around trying to pretend that the loss of the other didn't hurt them. His friends were so freaking weird.

"Well since I apparently will not be breaking out the Kentucky Thunder, how about we call it a day? I'm going to stay here tonight. I might not get in tonight to see him but I should be here in case Jake needs me."

Blaine glared at him. Sam already knew what he was going to say before his mouth opened. "Like hell you're staying here without me. We saw what happened the last time we all left." Sam snickered softly. He knew it. Just like he knew that Santana was going to chime in as well. Like he said, his friends were freaking weird as hell.

"I call dibs on the chair by the TV!" Santana yelled before hauling ass towards the hospital faster than anyone wearing heels that high should be allowed. Blaine grumbled something under his breath before racing after her. There was a brief moment of silence before they heard Santana shrieking with laughter. Dani shook her head fondly before heading inside to make sure that Blaine hadn't murdered her girlfriend.

"Oh no, the flowers!" Rachel gasped. Sam raised an eyebrow. "I might have selected a large amount of flower to decorate Noah's room. Along with some other things."

"Rach, tell me you didn't buy half the gift shop," Elliot mumbled. Rachel flushed. "Come on, knowing you, you'll probably need more than a few hands to get that crap upstairs." Rachel beamed in his direction before dragging him in the direction of the hospital's gift shop. Sam chuckled until he realized that with their absence he was now left alone with Kurt. He sighed before looking at the older man.

As he expected, Kurt was not the least bit remorseful. He was just told off by the people closest to him and he still didn't get it. But then again, they weren't really addressing the problem. They were only dancing around it. And honestly, Sam was really tired of dancing around what this was all really about. He was actually happy that he could do this without an audience.

"Can we just be honest now that everyone is gone?" Sam asked, quietly. "That none of this has anything to do with Puck at all. Not really."

"It doesn't?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "You're jealous of the amount of time that Blaine spends around me. You think that with Puck around, he's going to be spending even more time with me. And that's the real root of the problem. It's me, not Puck."

Kurt's eyes flashed and Sam knew that he hit the problem on the head. "And if that was the issue, what of it."

"Are you blind? Wait, no, scratch that, I already know the answer to that. Yes, yes you are. Blaine loves you. He won't even consider the possibility of anything but you. So whatever issue you have with me because of Blaine, take it up with me. Don't you dare take it out Puck ever again. He's got nothing to do with this."

"So you admit it. You admit that you have feelings for Blaine."

Sam scoffed. "I'm convinced that you have to be at least partially blind. You have to be stupid not to fall for Blaine at least a little. He's amazing and kind and smart and gorgeous. So yeah, I have feelings for him. But I also know that he's getting married. To you. I wouldn't cross that line. I'm fine with being his best friend only. Because I respect what he wants to build with you even if know he could do better."

"You mean you?"

"No, he could do better than both of us. I should've recognized this for what it was back in high school and jumped on the opportunity when I had the chance. Instead I let him go back to you and that will always be my biggest regret. But he's happy and I won't take that away from him," Sam shrugged. "Sucks to be me but it is what it is. So again, don't hurt Puck as a way of getting at me because you're also hurting Jake, Blaine, Santana and Rachel. Think of them if you can't find it in you to be a decent person and not kick someone who is beyond their lowest."

Kurt didn't say anything but there really wasn't anything more to say at this point. They both got what they wanted out of this. Kurt wanted to confirm that Sam had feelings for him. But Sam also proved that Blaine was still blindly loyal to Kurt. He let out a slow breath, feeling the tension in his shoulders. Today royally sucked. It was supposed to be getting better but it just seemed to be getting worse.

He started to say something more to Kurt but he let the words die. There really was nothing more to say. It was out there. And he couldn't take it back. He wouldn't take it back. Kurt needed to recognize what he had in Blaine before someone without Sam's moral code came along and snatched the former Warbler up. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled back towards the hospital doors. He didn't care where Kurt ended up tonight as long as he stayed the hell away from the hospital. As he made his way to the elevator, he noticed that Elliot and Rachel were nowhere to be found. He must have been able to help her with the stuff after all. Sam was also slightly terrified at the thought of what the hyperactive diva was about to inflict upon his poor best friend. A grin tilted his lips as he thought of Puck's horrified reaction to the massive amounts of flowers and stuffed animals Rachel probably bought. It was a pretty funny image… that turned out to be truer than he thought.

"What the hell is all of that and why the hell are you still here?" Sam asked as he walked into the lounge to find that half of the gift shop (flowers and all) were indeed taking up space in the lounge. There were also pillows and blankets set up all around the room. "How did you guys get those? Did you steal them?"

"Of course not," Blaine scoffed. "Jake got them for us." Jake nodded with a smirk from where he sat curled up with his own blanket and pillow. "Mini Puck over here came in because Original Puck is still out for the count. They tried to tell us that we had to leave but he broke out the eyes and got us permission to stay in here and have all the linens we want!"

Sam flopped down next to Blaine and Jake in the veritable pillow fort they had built and smiled at the childlike simplicity of it. He knew that they wouldn't be getting this if it wasn't for the fact that Puck was on a semi private floor and that this lounge was hardly used anyway. But it didn't change the fact that he was happy that they were all bunking down for the night. Elliot was helping Rachel sort through her purchases while Santana and Dani giggled their way through cocooning themselves together on the chair by the TV that Santana did in fact claim. Sam smiled softly and slung an arm around Jake's shoulders.

"You did good, brat. You did real good."


	4. One Day Robots Will Cry

Puck groaned as he was slowly pulled away from the hazy, peaceful darkness that he was simply existing in. There was no pain there. There was no fear. There was nothing really. And it was nice. But like all nice things in his life, it seemed, it was over all too soon. He bit his lip as he soon became aware of a slow burning pain emanating from his stomach, chest and head. What the hell did he do last night? His eyes cracked open slightly only to slam shut once a bright light burned into his retinas. The dull ache in his head escalated very quickly into agonizing pain. He moaned. Seriously, what the going on now? Then a felt a familiar touch on his hand. The touch was grounding and he focused on that touch.

"Just push the button right here," the voice that belonged to the hand whispered. "They gave you the good stuff again."

He felt his hand close around something. His thumb was pushed down on what certainly did feel like a button. A few moments passed and soon he felt the pain recede to a more tolerable level. The comfortable weight on his hand disappeared and he mourned the loss until he heard the curtains being drawn down. Almost as soon as the task was done, the weight was back. This time replacing the button. Puck felt this was a good time to open his eyes again. He wasn't surprised to see Sam sitting by his side.

"Hey," he murmured sleepily. Sam squeezed his hand.

"Hey, yourself," Sam said, smiling softly. "How you feeling?"

Puck lifted his free arm and winced as it pulled at his shoulder. His brow furrowed. Why did his shoulder hurt? Wait, why was he in the hospital to begin with? Why was Sam there? He should be in New York. He opened his mouth to ask the question when it all came flooding back. All of the events leading up to his being in the hospital. The shooting at the base. The transfer to New York. He heard the saying that life flashing before someone's when they're in a life or death situation. But he really could've done without his own personal flashback montage.

"Oh," Puck said around a quiet sigh. Sam brushed his thumb against the back of Puck's hand. "Well, that explains that. But why the hell do I still hurt?"

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?" Sam asked, gently.

Puck frowned. Yesterday? He remembered getting to the hospital. Artie came by with waffles. They were pretty good but he just didn't have an appetite. Then Santana came by and they made up. That was nice. Then Rachel… and Kurt. He swallowed as he remembered the words that left the other man's lips. He heard a loud beeping but ignored it as he felt his breath catch in his throat and the familiar stinging in his eyes.

"Hey, hey," Sam crooned, lifting his other hand so that it was resting on Puck's forehead. "It's ok. We're fine. Everything is fine. We're ok. You cannot get upset, ok? They will kick me the hell out of here if you get any more upset. So breathe, Puck. Breathe."

Puck concentrated on taking slow, even breaths. He noticed that the beeping was slowing down. He focused on his breaths and the quiet murmur of Sam's voice. He latched onto his best friend's voice like a landline and used it to help him to emotional stable ground. He swallowed. "I… what happened?"

"Well, after Kurt decided to be a dick, you almost had a stroke," Sam bit out. Puck knew the anger was directed at Kurt but he couldn't help but flinch away from his friend. Sam frowned. "Puck, I don't know what he said to you… I think it's probably best I don't know everything he said but none of it is true, ok? None of it."

Puck shook his head, pulling his hand away from Sam. "He was right. I ruin everything. I'm toxic. Maybe I should go back to Lima. I mean things are good for you all right now. I'm probably just going to screw it all up. I could be near Jake." He sighed. "Or maybe I'll just ruin things for him too. Maybe I should just go back to the base. I'm sure things have started to die down back there. I wouldn't be in the way there."

Sam sighed, taking Puck's hand again and holding on tightly. "First off, if you even think you're going anywhere, you're crazy. I'll have you know that right now our idiot friends are camped out in one of the family lounges where they have built pillow forts. They have staked a claim on that room that I don't think any of them are willing to forfeit. Not to mention Jake who has legit got the nurses wrapped around his little finger. They've basically been battling all night over whose turn it is to get him whatever he wants. They've been supplying him with kosher Jell-O all night. I don't even want to know where they got it from to be honest."

"Jell-O?" Puck repeated in mild disbelief. Sam snickered, moving back an inch to reveal something just behind him. Puck spotted his little brother sprawled inelegantly across the empty bed opposite from him. There was a spot of drool forming on the side of his mouth. Puck felt the corners of his mouth twitch at the sight. "Sugar high?"

"It was epic," Sam grinned. "Blaine got most of it on his phone. Hopefully Sue's evil twin will let them in to see you later so you can watch." He cleared his throat. "Look, I know that Kurt said a lot of shit and to you, right now, it might seem true but I'm here to tell you that it wasn't. Because Kurt wasn't coming at you because he actually felt that way. He was attacking you because he's hurting. Also he's a cowardly little bitch."

"Don't hold back, Sammy. Tell me how you really feel."

Sam arched an eyebrow. Puck smiled softly. "Bro, you're not toxic. You don't destroy anything. If you were none of us would be holding on like this. Hell, even Elliot and Dani stayed. So clearly you're not toxic or whatever the hell else Kurt pulled out of his ass."

"He's not wrong, you know?" Puck said quietly. "I did bully him. I tossed him in dumpsters. I mocked him every day."

"Yeah, and I seem to remember that he got in a few good jabs against you himself. So Kurt is definitely not some delicate little flower that was traumatized from his teenage years. Besides this has nothing to do with you anyway. Kurt is lashing out because he's an ass and he's pissed off at me."

Puck arched an eyebrow as he thought of a reason why anyone would be mad at Sam. It was Sam. He was like the picture of innocence and sweetness. Puck sometimes wondered why Sam even bothered with him. Blaine as well. They were so similar. They both were big nerds with even bigger hearts. They actually gave a shit about Puck, damage and all. So how could anyone hate either one of them... unless...

"Oh," he murmured. Sam nodded. "He finally figured out that you and Blaine kind of a have this weird thing going on between you?"

"Yeah, he knows now," Sam sighed, heavily. "Kurt that is. Blaine doesn't know. Well, he probably knows but you know, engaged. So yeah."

Now it was Puck's turn to squeeze his hand. "How you dealing with all of that?"

"Uh, just trying to ignore it all. I don't want to bring it up with him. I know that he knows. I mean, seriously the amount of touching and cuddling that goes on with us is pretty unhealthy." Puck glanced down at their joined hands. "More than even this, dude."

"Whoa," Puck gasped teasingly, earning a hint of a smile from Sam.

"Anyway, like I was saying. I don't want to bring it up with him. I just don't want him to feel obligated to act on it. Its fine like it is. He's with Kurt and he's happy. That makes me happy. And I still get to be a part of his life, so it works."

"Well, if you ever need to talk about it, you know I'm here, right?"

"Dude, you're laid up in a hospital bed and looking at being laid up even longer. I think you need to worry about yourself."

"Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of multitasking. And like you said, I'm laid up in this bed for the foreseeable future. Pretty sure that means that I can worry about you as well as myself." He tilted his head to the side. "That is what brothers are for, right?"

Sam grinned. "Well played, Puckerman. I guess that's fair then."

Puck sank back against his pillows with a smile of his own. It was then that he noticed the wall across from his bed. "Where the hell did all of those flowers come from?"

* * *

Blaine didn't bother looking up from his sprawled position on Santana's abandoned couch when the doors to the lounge opened again. It was probably yet another one of Jake's fan club here to give them something they didn't need in an effort to top the other staff members that had been through before them. He was amused by in the beginning but as each hour passed and there was no sign of Sam or Puck, he found he was just bored. He wanted to see Puck. He knew that his friend was ok but Blaine needed to see that for himself. He needed to see that Puck was ok. He needed to know for sure that Kurt didn't take away one of the most important people in the world to him for god only knew what reason. Until he could see Puck with his own two eyes, Blaine didn't think he was going to be ok.

"Hey."

Blaine blinked at the sudden voice over him. He tilted his head back to find a very familiar pair of hazel eyes staring down at him. His brow furrowed as he tried to process the fact that Puck was sitting in a wheelchair by the couch. He blinked again prompting Puck to chuckle quietly. He leaned over and flicked Blaine on the forehead with the hand that wasn't attached to the IV pole. Blaine yelped and scrambled into a sitting position.

"Puck, what are you doing out of bed? Are you ok? Wait, of course you're not ok. I mean you just had surgery. again. So yeah, you're not ok. But are you sure you should be out of bed? Should you be lying down?"

"Relax, Hogwarts," Puck laughed again. "I'm as ok as I'm going to be. Yes, I should technically be in bed but I got permission to move around a little provided I don't move my ass out of this chair."

"In other words, I'm pretty sure that Jake got his eyes from his brother," Sam interjected. Puck glared in his direction prompting the blonde to shrug. "So true."

"Whatever," Puck pouted. "Anyway, I just wanted to see you all and let you know that I'm ok." He flicked Blaine on the arm. "And I wanted you to know that we're fine, bro."

"But…. Kurt…."

"Is Kurt," Puck pointed out. "And you are you. I know that if you could've stopped that from going down, you would've. So don't worry your pretty little gelled head. We're still bros."

Blaine rolled his eyes but felt a weight lift off his shoulders as Puck settled into a teasing conversation with Santana and Dani. Realistically he knew that Puck wouldn't blame him for the things that Kurt said but he still needed to hear the words leave his friend's mouth. He didn't know when or how Noah Puckerman and Sam Evans became so important to him but he knew that they were. He knew that he didn't want anything jeopardizing that. Anything or anyone. Even his fiancé. His fiancé who apparently hadn't learned a damn thing and was currently strolling through the door of the lounge like he had any right to be there.

As expected the jovial tone in the room froze over as Kurt stood awkwardly by the doors. Blaine kept his eyes locked on Puck but he heard Santana let out a muttered series of curses that was echoed strangely by Rachel. Puck, on the other hand, was oddly silent. Blaine did not like it when Puck was silent. It was cause for concern. Especially in the wake of everything he had been through in the past two weeks. Hell, in the past 24 hours alone he had been through enough. Blaine watched as Puck mentally retreated, hiding behind invisible walls.

"Puck," Kurt started, taking a step forward. Puck tensed. "About yesterday…."

"No," Puck cut him off. He looked up at Sam. "I want to go back to my room now."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "You sure?"

"Yes, please. I want to go. Now."

Sam glared at Kurt before taking the brakes off the chair. Santana volunteered to help him carry the IV pole back to the room. She pressed a quick goodbye kiss to Dani's cheek before scrambling to get Puck (and Sam) out of the room before anymore unpleasant confrontations took place. Following their departure, the others seemed all too eager to escape the tension. Rachel offered to take Jake back to Blaine and Sam's place for a shower and a meal. Rachel was in full mother hen mode and Jake was in full position to take complete advantage of that. By the time they were walking out the door, Jake had Rachel completely convinced that she wanted to take him to Shake Shack for lunch. Dani and Elliot seemed to catch on that everyone was abandoning ship and they decided to join the pair for lunch as well. And then there were two….

"Have they all just become painfully transparent in the last few days or did I just never notice how completely obvious they all are?" Kurt mused with forced humor in his voice. Blaine didn't reply. Kurt huffed. "Oh come on. I tried to apologize. You saw me. He didn't even bother to hear me out. You can't possibly blame me for that one."

"Actually I can," Blaine countered, glaring up at his fiancé. "Because if you hadn't tried to kill him in the first place, none of this would be happening."

"I didn't try to kill him on purpose!"

"Because the fact that it was an 'accident' makes it all ok, right?" Blaine scoffed. He leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. "Just go home, Kurt. You don't belong here. You never did and you damn well never will after yesterday."

He heard Kurt let out another scoff and sigh before the older man was shuffling across the room to flop down on the end of Blaine's couch. He felt Kurt put a hand on his leg and he jerked it away from him.

"Seriously, Blaine. How long are you going to keep being mad at me?"

"For a really long time actually."

"But why?"

"Seriously?" Blaine asked, opening his eyes. "You attacked Puck. Even if he did deserve half the shit you hit him with, which by the way he does not, you picked the absolute worse time to hit him with all that. He just watched two of his friends die in front of him. Not to mention the other people that were killed and seriously injured. That's some serious emotionally and mentally damaging stuff compared to you being upset because he dumped you in a dumpster when you were 15 years old. Newsflash, you're 21 years old. It's time to grow up. Let's also talk about how the only reason you even attacked him in the first place is because you're jealous of the amount of time I spend around Sam." He saw Kurt's surprised look and rolled his eyes. "You really thought I didn't know?"

Kurt straightened up, giving him a cool look. "Well, do I?"

"Do you what?"

"Do I have a reason to be jealous of you and Sam?"

Blaine sat up and fought the urge to let his jaw drop. He knew that Kurt lived in a fantasy world sometime and could be a bit selfish and myopic sometimes but this was ridiculous. "You're serious, right now."

"I noticed everyone was really quick to jump on me yesterday but you were quiet. So tell me, Blaine. Do I have a reason to be jealous?"

"You really want to go there?" he saw Kurt hesitate but then nod.

"Yes, yes I do."

"Ok, great!" Blaine clapped his hands together before rising to his feet. "Let's talk about you, Kurt. Let's talk about how you think that the world revolves around you and you can't ever see outside your own bubble to notice the things going on with those around you. You only see how things affect you with little concern as to how things are affecting anyone else. A great example would be how you used your dad and stepmother's honeymoon money to transfer to Dalton. A move that simultaneously screwed both your parents and the rest of the glee club when they were suddenly down a member like a week before competition. But what makes this the biggest dick move in the history of dick moves is that you transferred back to McKinley less than four months later when the Warblers didn't make it to Nationals but New Directions did. You left because you were worried about the bullying. But who cares about that when the glee club is going to New York?!"

He saw Kurt about to protest but he held up a hand. "Oh no, honey. You wanted to hear from me and now you will. Let's also discuss how you basically left me at McKinley drifting and alone. I transferred to be with you. Those were your friends. I spent all my time with you and didn't get to know anyone. I wanted you to leave. I wanted you to be happy but I didn't want you to forget me. And you did. Admit it. You got caught up in the glamour and the shininess that is New York and you forgot all about your boyfriend back home. You left me alone! You know that my parents are absent at best. You were the only person that I had and you couldn't even be bothered to pick up the phone and just say hi. So yeah, I got lonely and went out with someone who paid attention to me. And we made out on his bed and then I started crying and went home. That's all that happened between us."

"What?"

"Oh, don't act so surprised. I've tried to tell you a thousand times that I never had sex with Eli but you didn't want to hear it. And it finally occurred to me why. You didn't want to hear it because knowing that would ruin you being the victim. 'Oh, poor Kurt. His boyfriend cheated on him. But he's just the best because he forgave him and took him back!' you walk around here like you're a saint and I'm a miserable jerk who doesn't deserve you. But that shit stops now. You fucked up just as much as I did in our relationship when we were younger. But now this… this is all you.

"You're not going to keep throwing Eli in my face. Nothing happened and it was years ago. I don't constantly remind you of that whole texting thing with Chandler or about the time you ignored me for weeks when you first moved up here. So at least pretend you give a damn about me and show me the same courtesy." Blaine personally reveled in the flinch Kurt gave at that jab. Good. "And as for Sam and I…. No, you have nothing to worry about. Yeah, I'm attracted to him. Yeah, I think we could probably be really good together. But since you seem to be in complete asshole mode, allow me to remind you that I'm engaged to  _you_. I love Sam but I'm in love with  _you_. I'm going to marry you! I accepted that Sam and I are never going to happen and I've moved on. I suggest you do the same."

"What do you mean, you  _accepted_  that?"

"Exactly what I said, Kurt. I'm not in the mood for games. I fell for Sam when he was with Brittany. He didn't return the feelings. Then I got back together with you and he broke up with Britt and he realized that he did like me. But I was with you. Then we got engaged. We're getting married! I'm not about to throw that away. I take that very seriously. You're the one I'm promising forever to. Not Sam. But there is one thing I need you to understand."

"And that is?"

Blaine moved so that he was towering over Kurt. "While I'm not about to run away with Sam into the sunset, I need to be clear that he will always be a part of my life. Our relationship is complicated but it has remained firmly in the friend zone and it will stay there. Sam is my best friend. He was the first person in that glee club to show me kindness after you left. So yeah, he's always going to be there. I don't want that to change, so it won't. He has never made a move on me. He wouldn't because for some unknown reason, he respects you. Do the same and stop trying to hurt Puck to get at him. As a matter of fact, just stay away from Puck altogether. You crossed a line yesterday and you almost killed him. I know that he's going to make it so that you weren't completely in the wrong and that's all on him. But until Sam or I think he's healed enough, you're not to bring your drama or bullshit anywhere near him. That means stay away from the apartment and me if I happen to be with Puck."

"But…."

"But nothing," Blaine cut him off. "What the hell did you think was going to happen? That you were going to go off on Puck and there weren't going to be any consequences? Wait, it's you I'm talking to. Of course that's what you thought would happen because you're used to that. There have never been any consequences for you. You really thought you were going to get away with attacking someone who is sick and hurting. You know really are as selfish and awful as you like to pretend the world is to you."

Kurt let out a shaky breath. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Blaine ran a hand through his hair and repressed the urge to laugh. "You've got to be kidding me. That's your takeaway from all of that. Why am I surprised? But to answer your question, no. I'm not. God knows I should. But that would just complete your little victim worldview wouldn't it. And for some stupid reason, I still love you. I just can't stand the sight of you right now."

"Blaine, I really didn't mean to hurt him like that."

"I want to believe that," he replied. He took a step back as Kurt stood up. "I want to believe you but even you can see how your track record is a bit spotty right now."

"I'll do whatever it takes," Kurt promised. "You want me to stay away, I will. I promise. I'm so sorry, Blaine. I was a bully yesterday. I get it. I really do. But I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. So I will do whatever it takes for me to be good enough for you again."

Blaine closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Just give me some space," he finally said. "Right now, I can't focus on us. I need to get Puck settled. I need to get Sam settled. When that's all done, then maybe I can worry about us. But for right now, we're on hold."

"We're on a break?" Kurt asked, with a slight teasing tone. Blaine snorted.

"Pull a Ross and I will get Santana to break your legs," he replied with a sliver of a smile. Kurt returned the expression. Blaine shook his head, his heart feeling heavier than it had in a while. "I want you in my life."

"I want to be in your life."

"But Sam and Puck are a huge part of my life. Just like Mercedes, Rachel and Elliot are a part of yours. I've accepted them. I need you to accept them. I just want… they're my family, Kurt. I don't want to have to choose between you guys."

"I know," Kurt said, reaching for Blaine again. He took another step back. Kurt let his hand fall in the empty space between them. "I promise you, Blaine. I will be better. I will be better with Sam and with Puck. I swear it."

Blaine nodded. He knew that Kurt was just saying whatever he needed to say to get back in his good graces. He knew it and everything in him still wanted to believe it. But he wasn't. Not this time. This time he was going to stick to his guns. He was going to focus on Puck and Sam and not worry about his drama with Kurt. There would be time to deal with that later. And if there wasn't… well then that was just how it had to be.

"I'm going to go check on Puck," Blaine mumbled. "I'll call you later."

He didn't wait for a response. He just spun on his heels and walked out the door as fast as possible. He barreled right past Santana who was standing just outside the doors. He idly registered her standing there. He wondered how much of that she heard. He also didn't care if she heard it all. It wasn't anything she wasn't going to find out about later anyway. He didn't stop until he was outside of the hospital.

He was so busy trying to regain his breath that he failed to notice the first camera flash in his face. But he would have to be a complete moron to miss the subsequent flashes as well as the microphones shoved in his face. His eyes widened as he noticed the barrage of reporters that were asking him questions. Questions about Puck. The same Puck that they weren't supposed to know anything about. But clearly something had changed because they clearly knew his name now. He took a deep breath before spinning on his heels and all but sprinting away from the rabid crowd.

He passed a waiting room inside the hospital and saw that CNN was on. A picture of Puck was up on the screen and the words 'Mysterious McGhee Base Hero Found'. Blaine's jaw dropped. They had managed to keep this under wraps for days. How did they find out? He got his answer barely a minute later as the 'source' was revealed giving an interview about Puck.

"Well, shit."

* * *

Santana let out a deep sigh as she watched Kurt slump down in his seat following Blaine's hasty exit from the room. She knew that she should've walked away when they started talking but she couldn't help it. She was tired of Doormat Blaine and she was seriously going to intervene this time if Blaine didn't finally take a stand. Thankfully, the younger man regained the backbone he lost when he transferred from Dalton and ripped his fiancé a well-deserved new asshole. But the only problem was that he bounced and now it was just the two of them. Maybe he didn't notice her. Maybe she could just back away and…

"You heard it all, didn't you?"

Damn it. She sighed and stepped into the room. "Yeah, I heard it all. Looks like Bland has gone away and he's back to the pre-McKinley days. Now I get why you fell so hard for him. That Blaine is kind of hot." Kurt gave her a halfhearted glare. Santana shrugged it off. "So that's what's got your panties in a twist? You're jealous of Sam and Blaine's epic bromance that slants just a little towards actual romance?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, hell no. You straight up almost murdered my boy last night because you're worried that Puck being here is going to force them to spend more time together than they already do living together? You're worried that Blaine is going to cheat on you again?"

"No, it's actually worse than that," Kurt sighed heavily. "I'm worried that he's going to stay with me when he really wants to be with Sam. And maybe he should be with Sam."

Santana rolled her eyes. She was so not in the mood for this shit today. But Rachel wasn't here and the others would frown upon her leaving a mopey and rejected feeling Kurt to his own devices. It clearly didn't end well.

"Fine, princess, let's talk. How do you feel about Blaine? Be honest."

"I love him."

"You love him like 'damn, I can't wait to rip his clothes off of him and have hot sex against the nearest available surface' love or 'yay, let's watch  _The Notebook_  while cuddling on the sofa and playing on our cellphones' love?"

Kurt hesitated. "What's so bad about the second one?"

"The second one is boring and passionless," Santana explained with an arched eyebrow. "You've settled into an old married couple routine without even actually being married. I think it's time you two actually got honest with yourselves. Especially you, Hummel. You've been half out of this relationship since you graduated. The only reason you accepted his proposal was because things with Adam fizzed and you don't want to be alone. Blaine won't leave you because he's loyal to the end. But he's going to let his chance at true passion go because of you. Just let him go, Kurt. You'll both be happier."

"Maybe," Kurt said, slowly. "Or maybe he'll be happier and I'll be alone. Besides how happy can he really be with Sam? Sam refuses to admit that he's gay. He keeps claiming that he's bisexual. That's just what straight boys say when they're trying to avoid coming out. Blaine deserves someone that's going to be out and proud."

Santana shook her head. "All of that just went in one ear and right out the other, didn't it? Unbelievable. You're pathetic, you know that? Seriously, you're pathetic."

"I'm aware."

"Good."

Any further conversation was put on hold by the return of the very person they were talking about. Blaine didn't bother to say a word to either of them. Instead he walked straight over to the television, turning it on and to one of the news stations they were all trying to avoid. Santana was about to protest when she saw it.

"They knew who he is," she whispered, blood running cold. Blaine nodded sadly. She whirled around to face the silent Kurt. "Tell me you didn't have anything to do with this."

Blaine stepped in between the seething Latina and his erstwhile fiancé. "Trust me, that was my first guess too but no, it wasn't Kurt. It's actually worse than that." He pointed towards the television where the reporter was interviewing their source. Santana's jaw dropped.

"Seriously?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"Yeah, seriously."

She wasn't an especially violent person but she really felt that she was going to have cut a bitch. The list kept growing with each passing day. Kurt was at the top of the list that morning but he was firmly bumped down to number two. Honestly, she wasn't surprised just pissed at the timing. This could not be a worse time for Puck. And didn't it figure that every single time Puck was at his lowest, the one person in the world that was supposed to be there to help pick him up was also the person who there to drag him further down. One of these days, she really was going to cut his mother.


	5. Lost Stars

Growing up in a dysfunctional home sometimes had its advantages. Granted the disadvantages far outweighed any possible benefit one would get from the experience, but Puck was always a take a good thing away from a bad situation type of guy. He knew that his childhood (and teen years) left a lot to be desired as far as his friends were concerned. He knew they all worried about the lingering interpersonal issues he had (and boy did he have them). But having unreliable parents also prepared him to be disappointed by them. So when Santana, Blaine and Kurt burst into the room to tell inform him and Sam that his mother announced his name to the whole world, Puck couldn't help his reaction.

"Well that sucks."

"That sucks?" Sam seethed (though that also might have been because Kurt was in the room). "Puck, everyone knows about you now. That means they're going to try and get in here. They're going to dig up everything they can about you. Every minute of your life will be on display for the whole world to see all because your mother felt the need to have her fifteen minutes of fame off your tragedy."

Puck nodded slowly. "I'm aware of that, Sammy. Thanks for the horrible reminder that my life kind of sucks out loud by the way. But I mean what am I supposed to say about all that? My mom is pretty much the worst. I thought we were all aware of that fact already."

"She is absolutely awful," Santana confirmed with a slight shrug. Puck met her gaze and nodded. If there was anyone else in this room that understood about terrible parents, it was Santana. She knew the struggle was real. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do? She's my mother. She's going to play this up for all that its worth. She'll probably even write a book," Puck shrugged lightly. "I think I might actually read it too. I've been dying to know what motherhood looked like from her perspective."

"Seriously? You're just going to let her get away with this?" Kurt asked, earning several confused looks.

"Why do you even care? Matter of fact, why are you even still here?" Puck asked, his eyes meeting Kurt's. "According to you, I'm a toxic asshole and deserve all of this and then some. I would've thought you would be the first one out there giving an interview about what a terrible person I am."

Kurt flushed. "Look, Puck…"

"Dude, I'm so beyond not interested in doing this right now," Puck cut him off, tiredly. "When you feel like talking because you're actually feeling bad about pushing me like that yesterday, then we can talk. Otherwise I'm just not in the mood to placate you in the efforts of helping you feel better."

"So she leaked your name yesterday," Santana reported, smoothly ignoring Kurt's continuing efforts at winning the title of douchebag of the year. "TMZ already has an article about Beth. Expect a phone call from your shrewish baby mama sometime soon."

"Awesome," Puck grumbled.

Quinn was probably the last person in the world he wanted to talk to… well aside from Kurt. To say that it hadn't ended well with them the third time around was the ultimate understatement. While she may have been pleased with the changes in his appearance and behavior that stemmed from his involvement with the Air Force, it became clear that Quinn was not a fan of the actual  _Air Force_  part of his life. The part that didn't allow him to jump to her every demand or whim. The breaking point came when she asked him to choose between the service and her. Looking back, he wondered if should've picked Quinn. Then again, if he had picked Quinn, he was really just trading one life altering nightmare for another.

Puck was brought back to reality by his phone ringing. He raised an eyebrow as Sam pulled the vibrating cell out of his pocket. He didn't know a single person that would be calling him. Everyone he talked to on the phone was pretty much in the room at the moment minus his brother and Rachel. The other gleeks were passing messages to him through Sam and Blaine, so that was out. Who the hell….

"It's Carole," Sam mumbled. Now Puck was completely confused. Why was Finn's mom calling him? He knew they checked in with him occasionally but he couldn't think of any reason why would they would be checking in with him now. It wasn't his birthday or a holiday. He gave Sam a look. The blonde nodded and answered. "Hello? Uh, hi, Carole. It's actually Sam. Oh, you knew that. No, he's ok. No, I'm sorry. Yes, you can talk to him."

Puck watched as a variety of emotions fluttered over Sam's face in the span of a few seconds. But the one that struck him the most was the look of absolute terror. Then the phone was being shoved into his hand. Puck stared before lifting it to his ear.

"Hello?"

" _Hello?! Seriously, Noah? That's all you think of to say? Hello_?!"

"Um, how are you?"

Carole let out of frustrated sigh. " _Put this on speaker phone. I know you're not alone. I know Sam is there. But I'm guessing Blaine and Santana are most likely around as well_."

Puck snorted. Carole still knew him better than most adults in his life. He plopped the phone down on his lap, switching it to speakerphone. "Ok, we're all listening now."

" _Great. So I just want one of you to explain to me why the hell no one felt the need to tell me that Noah was involved in a shooting!"_

Sam's eyes widened as he looked first to Puck and then to Blaine. Puck knew he was confused while Blaine looked… pissed. His younger friend was clenching his jaw and very visibly trying to calm himself down.

"My apologies, Mrs. Hummel. It appears that the message got lost in translation," Blaine apologized. "It seems that Kurt didn't pass the news along like he was asked to do."

Kurt's jaw dropped. "I did too! I called Dad and told him that same day."

" _You told your father that Noah was in an accident. This is a little bit more severe than an accident, Kurt! Don't you think?!_ "

"Oh, she's angry," Kurt mumbled. Santana threw him a dirty look.

"You think?" she hissed.

"Carole, I'm really sorry that we didn't tell you," Puck said. "I really thought that it was handled. I didn't think. And I'm sorry."

" _You thought I knew you were shot and yet you didn't wonder where I was or why I didn't call. You weren't at all surprised that I didn't reach out to you?_ "

Puck shrugged before realizing she couldn't see that. "I just figured you were busy or something."

" _Noah, you were shot! You almost died! What could possibly be more important than that?! Who the hell do you take me for? Your mother? Please tell me that you're not comparing me to that woman!_ "

Puck swallowed, looking to Sam for advice. But the blonde was shaking his head and backing away from the phone like that would help. He took a deep breath. "Um, no, of course not, Carole. I'm really sorry. Uh, would you like to come visit me?"

" _Oh, great. I thought you would never ask."_

With that said, the line disconnected. A confused silence fell over the five young adults that was shattered a moment later when the door to Puck's room swung open revealing Carole Hummel herself. She looked like she was ready to continue berating them all for failing to reach out to her when she caught her first glimpse of his face. Puck had seen himself in a mirror only once since the whole incident. He knew that he lost weight. He knew that his face looked like a nightmare with the number of still healing bruises littering the skin there. His chest was starting to resemble a mummy with the number of bandages there. His left arm was strapped to his chest to keep him from moving the wounded shoulder. His leg was heavily bandaged as well. He looked terrible and he saw the moment that registered for Carole. Her green eyes watered as she took in his battered appearance. He hated that look on her face. He vowed after everything with Finn that he never wanted to see this woman cry again. Another promise broken….

"Oh, Noah," Carole whispered, taking a step into the room. "Oh, my poor baby. What did they do to do you?"

Puck felt the lump forming in his throat and he tried to push past it. But it was there. And he couldn't. Because before this moment he was able to be Second Lieutenant Noah Puckerman. But now looking into the watery eyes of the woman who was more of a mother to him than his own mother, he couldn't keep it together. He couldn't fight back the part of him that just wanted someone to hold him and tell him that it was all going to be ok. He would never ask that from Sam or Blaine or really any of the others. Nor did he expect it. They were all winging this. And he was grateful for their presence. But he didn't realize how much he needed this woman until she was crossing the short distance between her and the bed and pulling him into a careful, yet still warm and loving embrace.

He didn't break down crying completely but it was a close thing. He did allow himself to be held close to her chest with his head resting on her shoulder. Carole gently ran her hands over his back, instinctively avoiding all the bandages on his body. He took a deep shuddering breath and burrowed further into the warmth and love she was offering. When he thought about a mother, he never pictured his own mother. He always thought of Carole. Carole was the first person to give a damn about Puck in his life and he never forgot that. She was right. When he didn't hear anything from Carole, he should've been concerned. But he also just didn't want to be a burden on her or anyone really.

Carole pulled away slightly so that she could look at his face better. A soft smile played on the edges of her mouth. "You're still handsome at least." Puck laughed, though he knew it sounded more like a sob. "Noah, I can't even imagine what you're going through right now but I hope you know that you're not alone. And it's more than just Sam and Santana and Blaine and Jake. You know that you have me and Burt and Shannon. Just a warning, she's on her way here and she's also pissed that you neglected to be alarmed by our absence."

Puck gave her another tearful laugh and nodded. She brushed away the few tears that slipped through his lowered emotional walls with the pad of her thumb before placing a soft kiss on his forehead. "You're going to be ok, Noah. I promise you. You're going to be ok." She turned her head to the left where a hovering Santana and Sam were watching the scene. Puck snickered as Carole yanked a highly surprised Santana into their hug. The other woman fought it for a few token moments before giving into the embrace. Puck grabbed for the hand that was trapped between them. Santana squeezed back gratefully. After a few minutes, Carole let go but she held onto both of them.

"Now, you two listen to me very carefully. I remember when I used to give you rides home after school. I remember when you would come over and have dinner at my house and play with Finn for hours. I have helped you with your homework. I have held you both through nightmares and fevers. So I don't ever want either of you to think that I wouldn't drop everything and come running for you if you needed me. Understood?"

Puck nodded slowly and knew that Santana was doing the same. He did know in some remote part of his brain that Carole cared about him but it was one thing knowing it in a vague sense and actually having the woman standing before you swearing it. He let his fingers intertwine with Santana's as they both tried to process the vast array of emotions they were feeling at the moment.

"Now Santana, who is your emergency contact?"

Santana flushed even as Puck wondered who it would be. Santana wasn't exactly on the best of terms with her family either after her decision to drop out of college and move to New York. So who did she put down?

"It's actually Puck."

"I'm your emergency contact?" Santana gave a little shrug. "I'm not mad. Just a heads up would be nice, woman. I'm in an entirely different state."

"Sam was too but that didn't stop you from putting him down!" Santana countered. Carole cleared her throat. "Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry."

"That's fine. I wouldn't want you to change that. But can I ask that you add me? Clearly I can't trust any of you to let me know when you need something."

"We're never going to live this down, huh?" Santana murmured.

"Not in our lifetimes," Puck retorted.

"Good, you're finally catching on!" Carole grinned. Then she whirled around to face Blaine and Sam. "As for you two!"

Puck had to laugh at the way Sam visibly paled and Blaine took a step back so that he was slightly behind Sam. Carole and Burt were the prime example of what a parent should be. But they were also crazy intimidating when it came to their kids (and any of the strays they picked up throughout the years). It wasn't a surprise that they were both terrified. What was surprising was the fact that they were both still in the room. Puck thought they would've been in the next borough by now.

"I want you both to know that I'm so proud of you. You did well. I don't know a lot of people your age that could take responsibility for their friend the way you two have. You've done so well. But now it's time to let go a little," Carole smiled. "Let me handle some of the responsibility."

"You're sticking around?" Sam asked, quietly.

"Yeah, I'm going to be around for a bit. My kids need me." She cupped Sam's cheek. "I might not have known you for as long as I have known Noah and Santana but you're as much my kid as they are. And Blaine, you're going to marry my son. That makes you family too. Don't ever forget that."

Puck's brow furrowed as he thought about the way Carole phrased that. He knew that Carole considered Kurt her son too but it was almost deliberate how she didn't mention Kurt's name when she said that Blaine would marry her son. He looked up to see Kurt looking like he swallowed an entire bag of lemons while Santana was smiling like the Cheshire Cat. She caught his gaze and winked before nodding her head towards Sam and Blaine. Puck laughed and nodded in response. It really sucked to be Kurt. Because eventually the others were going to get bored with waiting for the Blam ship to happen. Eventually they were going to force it to happen and it was clear that Carole was definitely not going to be opposed when the inevitable occurred. Yeah, really sucked to be Kurt.

* * *

Puck thought things would settle down after that. The shooting at the base was barely only a week ago but Puck felt like it was a lifetime ago. So much had happened in such a small frame of time and he was feeling it now. He thought that he would get at least a day to try and repair his heavily damaged mental walls but of course he did not. Because barely a day after he found out his mother revealed his identity to the world and Carole showed up, he had another guest… and she wasn't alone. Shannon rolled into his room with tears evident in her eyes and worry written plainly on her features. Puck let out a small laugh at how quickly his friends filed out of the room the minute they saw their former coach.

"Hey," he said, smiling wanly as the silence between them stretched on for a few moments longer than Puck felt comfortable with. Shannon continued to stare at him. "Um, Coach? You going to just stand there or…."

"I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to say here," Shannon admitted. "I'm furious, scared and so damn relieved. I had a whole speech planned on the plane but now none of it seems right."

"I'm okay, Coach." Shannon gave him a look that showed her thoughts on that assessment. He sighed softly. "I will be."

"I know you will be. Sam and Blaine wouldn't let you be anything less than that," Shannon replied as she finally took a seat on the edge of the bed. Puck felt tension that had formed with her odd silence drain out. He supposed that's what she was aiming for as her next question caught him off guard. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Sam, Blaine and Artie…."

"No, I asked why you, Noah Puckerman, didn't call me yourself."

Puck sighed as he felt the too familiar sting of tears in his eyes as he thought over the question. He knew this woman was not going to accept any bullshit from him. She hadn't in the years following his graduation and she wasn't likely to start. His chest hitched as he struggled to get his emotions under control.

"Noah," Shannon started with a soft sigh. "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. And I know the scariest part of this is that we're all here, isn't it?"

He looked up to meet her gaze with wide eyes. Slowly he nodded his head.

"I know this is difficult for you to understand and accept but you have people who care about you. I know that it's hard to believe that when you have your mother broadcasting your business to the whole world or your friends yelling at you. But it's true. You have friends and family that care very much about you, Noah."

"I didn't want to be a burden," he whispered. "I didn't want anyone to know. Hell, I didn't want them to call Sammy. Because I knew he and Blaine would drop everything and fly out there to be with me. I knew Jake would tag along. I knew they would all stop everything in their lives to be here as much as possible."

"Wouldn't you do the same for them?"

"Of course," Puck replied without hesitation. He couldn't imagine there was anything he wouldn't do for his friends… even Kurt. All of them were special in their own way. When he looked at them, he saw potential for great things. He saw a future for every single one of them. If there was ever anything they needed from him, he would give it. He would give anything. He would give everything he had... and then some.

"So then you understand why they would do the same for you, don't you?"

"I," he stopped because no, he really didn't see why they would do the same for him. The Air Force was the only good thing he had done with his life and look how that ended up. His friends were all bright and shined. He was the odd one out. He was toxic. He infected everything he touched and ruined it. He was ruining his friends' lives just by being here. He had already infected Blaine and Kurt.

He felt a gentle hand on his chin, bringing his face up to meet Shannon's sad yet understanding gaze. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

"I can't speak for the others but I know that you're not a burden. You are definitely not a burden, Noah Puckerman. Not to me. Not likely to Sam or Blaine or any of them really. You are loved, sweetheart. You are loved by so many and the only person who can't see that is you." He took another hitching breath. "Besides, what exactly are you invading on in my life? Football season is over. All I do at school is watch Sue be insane and continue her never-ending war against Will and Roz."

Puck gave a watery laugh. "She hasn't changed, huh?"

"Sue will never change," Shannon shook her head. "But all of that was meant to say that I don't have much of a life. I don't think I'll be trying out the whole dating thing any time soon. I don't plan on having kids but I'm not that sad about it. Do you know why?"

Puck chewed on his bottom lip. "Because of me…. Right?"

"Yeah," she smiled brighter. "Because of you. I don't need kids of my own when I have you and Sam and Blaine and Jake around. The four of you are all the family I need."

"Even though we make you burn the turkey?"

She laughed. "Yeah, even though you make me burn the turkey."

Puck felt the corners of his mouth twitch at the memory. Sure, it was funny now but Shannon looked about ready to murder them last Thanksgiving. It was one of the rare times that Puck was allowed to return home for the holidays. Naturally, this meant that Sam and Blaine were flying back to Lima for Thanksgiving as well. Jake's mom had to work Thanksgiving, so it was going to be just the four of them until Shannon suggested the boys come over. She regretted that one when the usual hijinks and shenanigans that followed them led to what was now known as the great Turkey Burning of 2014. Fortunately before Shannon could act on the urge, Jake remembered that if his mom was working that meant the restaurant was open. They just shifted location to the diner and a good time was had by all in the end.

"I realize that I'm okay with not having kids of my own because I have you guys. Are you okay with that?"

Puck swallowed and smiled faintly. "Yeah, I'm definitely okay with that."

Shannon smiled brighter and squeezed his hand. "Now, I want you to promise me that you're going to add me to the no doubt growing list of emergency contacts. Never think that you're a burden, Noah. Because you're not. I will be there whenever you need me to be."

"Yeah, okay," Puck murmured.

The conversation shifted then. She asked him about his plans when he was released from the hospital. He updated her on the latest gossip and shifts in relationships within his group of friends while Shannon updated him on the latest with New Directions. It seemed that without Jake around, Kitty was on the warpath. She made no less than three juniors and five freshmen cry just because. Puck assured her that Jake would be returning to school soon. He wasn't sure the school would survive much longer without his brother there to reign Hurricane Kitty. Before she left, Shannon also offered to let Puck (and his entourage) crash with her when he went back to Lima for Jake's graduation. He was quietly grateful. This way he didn't have to impose on Jake or his mother nor did he have to tell Sam and Blaine that they couldn't come with him. He also didn't have to deal with his mother or sister.

"Thanks, Coach," he whispered, looking down at his hands. He heard Shannon laugh softly. She pulled him forward into a hug.

"You're so very welcome, Noah."

She gave him a kiss on the forehead before stepping out and telling the rest of his guests to come in. He really should've expected that if Shannon was here, that Will and Emma would be as well. Emma greeted him with a kiss on his forehead and some more fretting. She stayed long enough to introduce him to baby Daniel Finn Schuester. The two year old was the perfect combination of both of his parents. And it seemed that he wasn't going to be an only child much longer. He smiled as Emma patted her growing stomach.

"We were waiting to tell you all when you came up for graduation," Will said, sitting down at the foot of the bed, careful to avoid Puck's injured leg. "But this is as good as time as any. We're having a little girl."

"That's great, Mr. Schue," Puck replied. "Congratulations."

"Want to know her name?" Emma questioned, with a teasing smile.

"Sure, I guess."

"Noelle," Emma replied. She gave him another kiss, this time on his cheek before leaving. She promised to meet Will back at the hotel. A heavy, but not tense, silence fell over the two men as Puck struggled to understand that revelation.

"Noelle… sounds like…"

"Noah?" Will suggested with a laugh. "That was the intent."

"You want to name your daughter after me? Why?"

Will sighed. "Puck, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Puck asked, feeling beyond lost at this point.

"I haven't always been there when you needed me. I realized that after you went to juvie and I still wasn't there. I should've been there for you when Finn died. I should've stood up for you with the whole jacket incident. I should've been there for you and I wasn't. It wasn't the first time I've failed you but I hope that it's the last time."

Puck looked back down at his hands. It was rapidly becoming his way of avoiding difficult conversations. Difficult conversations were also rapidly becoming the only conversations he seemed to have these days.

"It's okay."

"It's really not. But I know that you won't accept that. But I just need you to know that even though I wasn't there for you. Even though I have failed you numerous times, I have never not cared about you. So I really need you to be okay. Because I cannot afford to lose anymore of you. I'm supposed to outlive you all."

Puck smiled tearfully. "I bet you want us to sing a song at your funeral."

"I expect it," Will laughed, shaking his head ruefully. "I want my daughter to get to know who she's named after. So I need you to stick around, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Will tilted his head to the side as if he were looking for something. He sighed after a minute and patted Puck on the leg. "I want you to know that nothing you do or have done will change who you are. You're still Noah Puckerman. You're still the kid that chose glee over football. The kid that graduated against all odds. That's who you are and who you will always be. You're still a gleek and that will never change."

Puck nodded but didn't say anything. He knew they all meant well with their kind words and unconditional support but the fact of the matter was that he had changed. He had completely changed. He wasn't the same Puck as he was back then. Back then drunkenly attempting to steal and ATM and knocking up Quinn were the worst things he ever had to deal with. But now? Now he watched two men he loved like brothers die right before his eyes. He actually killed a man. It wasn't as easy as it seemed on television. He was literally fighting for his life. He could still feel the weight of Jackson on top of him, both of them fumbling for the knife. He felt like the knife was in his hands. He looked down at his hands, expecting them to be covered in blood. His blood, Jackson's blood, Caleb's blood. He thought it would still be there but it wasn't. He frowned at his hands. They were clean.

"Puck?"

He looked up to see Will watching him carefully. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

He thought about telling the truth. But the words wouldn't leave his mouth. They all claimed that he wasn't a burden, that they loved him but none of them really understood the truth. They didn't know that he saw blood on his hands all the time. They didn't know that he could still hear Josh's pained yell before the second shot ended his life. They didn't know that he could still feel Caleb's heart slowing down even as he begged, cried, pleaded for his friend to stay with him. They didn't know any of that. If they knew they definitely wouldn't be so supportive. They wouldn't want anything to do with him. And he couldn't lose them, any of them, right now. So instead of telling the truth, Puck mustered a smile that must have passed inspection as Will returned the gesture.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mr. Schue. I'm totally fine."

* * *

Sam stood in the doorway of Puck's room watching as Dr. Sunny Thompson, Puck's newly appointed physical therapist, finished their session. He still had a long road ahead of them (they had weeks before they could even begin to think about him walking) but physically he was starting to look better. Sam wished he could say the same for his friend mentally. He thought that visits from Carole and Will and Shannon would've perked him up but for some reason, Sam noticed that Puck was withdrawing even more. Sam also noticed he was one of the very few that was paying attention to that fact.

In the defense of his friends, they were all justifiably occupied. Santana, Blaine, Danni and Rachel had appointed themselves Puck's personal public relations team. They were dealing with the increasingly more invasive media hounds. Carole recruited a still guilty feeling Kurt along with Artie and Elliot to help her with making sure that their apartment was in fact wheelchair ready. Shannon, Emma and Will left a few days before and took Jake with them. The kid protested until he was blue in the face but ultimately common sense won out. No matter what, Puck was going to be at his graduation. Not to mention there was Skype and phone calls and Facebook. He was only a click of a button away. So it was just Sam. It was just Sam left to watch as his best friend mentally retreated behind walls so thick it was going to take an act of god to break through. Or a guitar…

"He's all yours, Sam," Sunny said as she passed him in the hall.

"How is he?"

She mustered a smile. "He did okay today. I can tell he's disappointed that he can't walk just yet but his leg was damaged further in the fall. He's got a lot of work to do to get that back to strength. But I'm mostly worried that he's not putting his all into sessions and that's going to set him even further back."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I feel like he's playing a role. He wants us all to believe that he's okay and he's expending so much energy on that. Too much energy."

Sam nodded. That's exactly what he had been thinking. Puck was acting. He was playing the role of a lifetime. Rachel would be proud. But Sam didn't want Puck acting. He wanted his friend to be healthy again. And the only way that was going to happen was to snap him out of the weird funk he settled in. He clutched the case in his hand tighter and shifted his plastic bag to his other hand.

"Thanks, Sunny," Sam offered the older woman a smile. "I think I might be able to get through to him." He gestured towards the items in his hands.

Sunny gave him a smile. "If it was going to be anyone, my money would be on you."

Sam said his goodbyes and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. Puck was sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs on the floor. He took a seat next to his best friend and waited for Puck to acknowledge him.

"Hey, Sammy," he whispered.

"Hey, dude," Sam whispered in return. It seemed like Puck wasn't putting on a show today. Or maybe it was just that he never put on the show with Sam. Either way, he was grateful. "How you feeling today?"

"Tired," he admitted, running a hand over his face. "Sunny worked me hard. I also didn't get that much sleep last night."

"Nightmares?" Sam asked, cursing himself mentally for going home the night before. Puck nudged him on the shoulder.

"No, Jake. He kept texting me all night to see if I was okay. I could hardly sleep with the weird little brat blowing up my phone." Sam snorted. Yeah, that sounded about right. "So how long before everyone else shows up?"

"You're looking at everyone else. I gave them all the day off."

Puck finally looked up. "Why? You didn't have to do that."

"Didn't I? Bro, I know you've been trying to pretend you're okay for our sake and we appreciate the sentiment but this isn't helping you. Remember I know you. I know you better than myself sometimes. And I know when you're not dealing. You're not dealing. You're not okay. You're really not okay."

Puck's fingers gripped the side of the bed tightly. "I'm trying." Sam placed his hand over Puck's and squeezed lightly.

"I know. I know how hard you're trying. And I know that right now you need a focus. I've seen you be lost before and I've seen what's worked. So I bought you something."

Puck shifted to the side as Sam placed the guitar on his lap. "My guitar? Where did you?"

"I took it before we left Tennessee. I figured you might want it eventually. Or at the very least, you might need it. Turns out, I was right."

It took a few minutes for him to adjust to holding the guitar with his arm in a sling. But eventually they were able to figure it out. Sam watched as some of the tension bled out of Puck's posture as his fingers strummed absently across the strings. He wondered how long it had been since Puck played. He doubted training in the Force allowed for much practice. And he definitely hadn't played in the past three weeks. He smiled at how natural and at ease Puck looked just having it back in his hands.

"I didn't get to play much," Puck said quietly. "It took a month of training before I even unpacked it. But I finally did when I was having a really bad week. I thought I was going to drop out that's how rough it was. I snuck away during dinner just to play for a few minutes. But Josh and Caleb… they followed me. They saw me playing and said that I was good. They wanted to form a band."

Sam grinned. "Did they play?"

Puck snorted. "Caleb was tone deaf and Josh was worse. But they said that it didn't matter because I had talent enough for all of us. They said they were just going to use me to score chicks. Of course, Josh was just talking shit because he had this girl he was crazy about. He was even talking about asking her to marry him. She would've said yes too…. But now…." Puck trailed off, his fingers sliding off the strings to fall heavily on his lap.

Sam saw the devastation flash across his best friend's face. This was the first time he actually mentioned either of the two men. He thought back to what Dr. Green first told them when they arrived in Tennessee. She told them that he was going to make a full physical recovery (or he would providing Kurt left him the hell alone) but she was concerned for his mental state. Sam was finally starting to see why she was concerned. He hadn't even acknowledged either Caleb or Josh. And those two were probably as close to Puck as Sam was. Maybe even closer. Not talking about them couldn't be healthy. Sam let out a slow breath.

"Tell me more," Sam said. Puck looked into his eyes again. "I only talked to them a few times. And I never got a chance to meet them. So tell me about them." He wasn't sure that Puck was going to agree until he heard the same melody he was absently strumming earlier start again.

"Caleb, was from some small ass town in upstate New York. Somehow this made him even more of a hick than Josh and he was from South Carolina. He was like the definition of a redneck. But he was a liberal redneck. Josh was confusing," Puck muttered, shaking his head. "They met on their flight out to the base. So they were practically best friends before I even got there. When I walked in the room, Josh said that I would do. He said I didn't look like a douche like a lot of the other dudes living on our floor. Caleb said those were horrible words to start a friendship off with but Josh didn't care."

"Josh sounded like a lot of fun."

"He was," Puck smiled. It was a faint smile but it was one that reached his eyes for once. "He was loud and a little crazy. He was a lot like a male Santana now that I stop to think about it. Caleb was quieter but that didn't mean you could mess with him. Dude was built like a house. He was even taller than Finn. But he was like this gentle giant. Except when it came to the cookies Rachel would send me. Then he was an asshole. He ate all of them."

"Well, Rachel's cookies are worth turning on you for."

"Yeah, I guess they are." Puck cleared his throat. "Josh told us at the very beginning that it was going to be the three of us throughout the whole time. He called us the Three Amigos. He said that we were going to kick ass. He wasn't wrong. We did. We got through training together. And they let us stay together. We would still be together…."

He trailed off again but this time didn't seem in any rush to start again. Sam could see the tears welling in his eyes. The tears that constantly formed but didn't fall. Sam didn't know if he wasn't crying because he couldn't or if he wouldn't let himself but he did know that it wasn't healthy. Puck was bottling all of the emotions he was feeling and that never ended well.

"Puck?"

"I," his voice cracked. "What am…? What am I supposed to do without them? Sammy, it was supposed to be the three of us but now I'm alone. They left me alone. I couldn't save them and now I'm alone."

Sam put his hand on Puck's shoulder and squeezed. "I know that I'm not Caleb or Josh but I promise that you're not alone. Not now and not ever. You have me, Jake, Blaine, Santana and Rachel. We're not about to let you deal with any of this on your own."

Puck chewed on his lip. "Why me though? Why not them? Caleb had this huge family that loved him. His sisters called all the time. And Josh was probably going to get married. Why did they have to die and I got to live?"

Sam let out a shaky breath. "I don't know, bro. I really don't know. But I'm not going to lie, I'm glad you're here. Because losing you would've hurt me. A lot."

"I know," Puck admitted quietly, pulling a watery smile from Sam. "I think I'm glad I'm here too."

"The jury will accept that answer for now," Sam laughed shakily. "You are never going to be alone, bro. I mean if you need some space, I will give you that. But you're not alone. I'm not going anywhere."

Puck stared at his hands before exhaling. "You promise?"

"Yes," Sam replied without hesitation. He knew it was kind of an impossible promise in theory. He could go out and hit by a car tonight but if it gave Puck even the smallest amount of peace he would promise the sun and the stars. "Hey, let's get you back in bed, okay?"

"Okay."

A few minutes later, Puck was stretched back out on the bed. His leg was elevated by several pillows. His guitar was resting lightly against his chest, fingers strumming absently. It was the same melody that he was playing earlier, Sam realized as he settled on the edge of the bed beside his friend.

"I've never heard that one before," Sam said, breaking the quiet between them.

"I think I might have just come up with it," Puck replied somewhat hesitantly. Sam grinned earning a puzzled look from Puck. Sam then presented him with the second part of his Puckerman rehabilitation. "A notebook?"

"Look we can all act like you didn't play a larger role in the songwriting when we were in high school but I was in that room. I know how much of 'Pretending' was Finn Hudson and how much was Noah Puckerman." Puck flushed but didn't deny it. "So I bought you a notebook so you can write some ideas down if you want. Doesn't have to be a song. It can be anything you want it to be. I just want you to start getting these feelings out."

"Okay," Puck whispered. He looked down at the notebook and then to his guitar. Sam watched as some of the darkness that surrounded his friend faded. Puck closed his eyes as he continued to play the same song. He was humming softly along with the melody. " _Please don't see. Just a boy caught up in dreams…. And fantasies. Please see me…._ "

Sam settled back against the headboard with a proud smile curving his lips. It was going to take longer than the physical but Sam was pretty confident that Puck was going to make a full emotional and mental recovery. The song stopped when both his and Puck's phones went off simultaneously. They sighed in unison.

"Freaking Jake."


	6. Somewhere I Belong

"Jake, we need to talk."

Those words never preceded anything good. The first time he heard those words were when he was seven and his mother admitted that he had an older brother and younger sister. Needless to say that knowledge sparked an anger that taken years (and some intervention from said older brother) to temper. He also only heard those words when his mother wanted to talk about a fight he got into at school or his bad grades. More recently, it was the whole cheating scandal with Marley that earned him those words. So Jake didn't feel like he was wrong for being hesitant at hearing the phrase 'we need to talk'. But for the life of him he had no idea why Kitty was the one saying them. To the best of his knowledge he hadn't pissed off her lately. He hasn't stopped her from calling the McCarthy kids, the Incest Twins, in awhile. Mostly because they're used to it and just don't even care anymore. So he really didn't know why she was using the words that only meant trouble for Jake.

"Talk about what?" he asked, eyeing his best friend warily.

Kitty sat next to him at the cafeteria table, brushing her skirt close to her legs as she settled in her seat. She sighed, clearly thinking about the best way to approach the topic. For a heart stopping moment, he thought something happened to Puck. Maybe that's why Sam wasn't answering him. He would think that Blaine would respond but he was also ignoring Jake's texts. Maybe that's why none of the other people he reached out to would answer him. Because they were scared to tell him the truth about his brother. They were going to let Kitty break it to him.

"Is this about Puck? I talked to him like two hours ago and he was fine. What happened? Did Kurt say something to him again? Was it reporters? He was supposed to go home tomorrow. Is that not happening? Did he have a setback? Oh god, did he have a blood clot? I read about those and….."

"Enough!" Kitty cried, slapping her hand over his mouth effectively ending the word vomit. "Do you even hear yourself right now? You sound insane, Jake! This is what I came to talk to you about. You're driving us all crazy! You won't stop texting everyone."

"I'm not texting everyone," Jake protested once she moved her hand.

"Really? You're not texting Dani and Elliot?"

"I like Elliot and Dani."

"I'm sure you do. And I'm sure they love you too now that you won't stop sending psychotic messages about checking in on your brother at like three in the morning."

"My messages are not psychotic."

"They are and everyone is tired of them," Kitty assured him. "That's why I have to do this. It's for your own good, Jake."

"Do what?" he asked just as she yanked his phone out of his hands. As soon as the phone was gone, he felt powerless. "Kitty! Give it back!"

"No," she countered. "This is for your own good. You've been obsessing about your brother since you got back. That's not what he wants you to do and you know it. He wants you to live your life. That does not include calling or texting everyone 24/7."

"It's not 24/7."

"Really?" Kitty asked. She unlocked his phone (wait, why and  _how_  did she know his PIN?) and tapped on the message icon. "You've text Sam four times this hour alone. You text Blaine six times. You have sent Puck ten text messages. You messaged Elliot, Rachel, Santana and Dani all about three times each. Again, this is only in the last hour! Sweetie, you have to stop. You have to stop or our friends are going to murder you."

"They're not going to murder me," Jake murmured.

"No, they really are. I got a call from Puck begging me to take your phone away from you at all costs before he finds a way to come over here and kill you himself."

"You're exaggerating…. Right?"

"I wish. That was actually the tamest message because he's your enabling big brother who knows that you're a freak. The others though… Sam's was truly inspired. His was more along the lines of ordering me to take your phone away through any means necessary and then shove it up your….."

"Okay!" Jake interrupted, eyes wide in shock. "I get it. I get the hint. They're annoyed with me for merely checking up on my brother. My brother who is lying in a hospital bed in New York while I'm stuck in here in Lima, unable to check on him myself." Kitty gave him a look that showed how unimpressed she was. Dammit. It worked so much better on his mother. Damn, Kitty. "Come on, Kitty! Please?"

"No, this is for your own good. You'll thank me for this one day," she paused. "Okay, you probably won't. But Puck and the others will. Yeah, that's worth it."

"Why would you side with them over me?" he whined, lowering his head to the table. "You're supposed to be my best friend."

"I am," she cooed, patting him on the back of his neck. "But of my Pucker ex-boyfriends, Puck Senior is definitely my favorite. So he asks and I come through."

"He's your favorite?!" Jake asked, lifting his head slightly to glare at her. She shrugged. "That is such bullshit."

"Life is bullshit, baby face," she reminded him. "Now chin up. People already think we're dating. Now they probably think I'm breaking up with you. As if I would break up with you in the cafeteria. That could really negatively impact my chances at being Prom Queen." Jake rolled his eyes and let his head slam back into the table. "Brat."

* * *

Puck really thought Kitty was going to last longer than just an hour. He thought she had a built in resistance to Jake's puppy dog eyes and sad face. Clearly, she did not. That boy was like living, breathing kryptonite. But at least he got an hour of peace. And when she did give his phone back, he learned a little restraint. Now he was only texting once every few hours. Puck could live with that. Most importantly, he could sleep with that. He finally got a good four hours of sleep without having a text message interrupting his sleep. At least he had that one issue taken care. He should've known that Sam would have the other one handled.

"So Blaine and I were talking about sleeping arrangements," Sam announced as he pushed Puck's wheelchair towards the apartment. The hospital offered to arrange for a cab to bring him to the front door but both men insisted that the walk would do them both a world of good. They had both been holed up in that room for far too long. They needed to be able to get some sunshine. And if that involved a trailing litter of press behind them, oh well.

Blaine had gone ahead with Carol in a cab with the gaggle of cards and presents he had accumulated during his month long stay at the hospital. The only thing they left behind for Puck to take with him was his guitar. He admitted that had grown rather attached to his guitar again during the past few weeks. It helped having it around. It helped his skin feel less itchy. And apparently it was helping his physical recovery as his doctors felt he had healed sufficiently enough to go without the sling. They still cautioned against him using his crutches for too long but they said he could practice for a little while every day. Puck had every intention on stretching that practice as much as he could. Being stuck in a wheelchair was not enjoyable. He found he developed a brand new respect for Artie.

"Sleeping arrangements, huh?" Puck finally replied. He tilted his head back, soaking in the sun's rays as they continued their walk towards the apartment.

"Yeah, I know that you're still not getting that much sleep, bro," Sam chided. Puck shrugged lightly. He wasn't trying to hide it from him. He just hoped that if he didn't mention it, the whole issue would go away. Clearly not. "So I was thinking that instead of me crashing on the couch, you could share the bed with me. That way you have someone there to wake up if you need. I know it's not the best solution but it's all I have for now."

Puck swallowed as he heard Sam very clearly not mention the word nightmares. He was grateful. Nightmares didn't begin to describe the crap he saw when he went to sleep at night. He was getting better at distinguishing the images during the day time but at night was when he suffered. At night there was no relief from the memories. It wasn't bad enough that he had to keep reliving the moment he saw two of his best friends die in front of his eyes. Sometimes it wasn't just Caleb or Josh, sometimes he saw some of the gleeks. One time he was holding Caleb's body and looked down to see Rachel staring back at him with blank unseeing eyes. Anything that could keep him from having to see that ever again would be the best thing to happen to him.

"Thanks, Sammy," he whispered. He didn't know Sam even heard him until he felt Sam squeeze his uninjured shoulder lightly.

They continued on in silence. It was a comfortable silence, the kind that really only happened with the person who knew you better than the all the others. If Puck ever had any doubts whether Sam was his best friend or not, this entire ordeal had erased that. Sam had gone above and beyond for him and Puck didn't know if he could ever even begin to think about repaying him for what he had done.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Sam asked with a teasing smile in his voice.

Puck snorted. "I was thinking about what illegal things you had to do to get rid of the others. I'm surprised Santana and Rachel weren't there when I got discharged."

"Hmm, about that," Sam said as they entered the lobby of his apartment building.

Puck was about to question him when he was approached by Andy Green, the doorman of the building. He had met the man on the handful of occasions when Puck had stayed with Blaine and Sam. He liked the older man. He was a military vet and took a special liking to Puck from the very first time he arrived still wearing his Air Force uniform. Andy wasn't rude or even invasive as he told Puck all about how he was a hero. He shook his hand and assured him that if Puck were to need anything he would have no problem getting it for him.

Eventually, Sam broke up the conversation. Whether it was because they really had something to do or because Sam could see how uncomfortable Puck was getting with each word that left Andy's mouth, he didn't know. He also didn't care. He was just so damn happy to get away from that conversation. He was definitely going to have to find a more independent mode of transport. Being stuck in a wheelchair was not fun. Again, his respect for Artie was growing in leaps and bounds.

"You okay?" Sam asked as they rode the elevator up to his floor.

"Yeah," Puck nodded.

Sam arched an eyebrow before slamming his hand on the emergency stop button. "You want to try that again?"

"Dude, you are not Gibbs and this is not  _NCIS_. Pretty sure you can't just do that."

"You're stalling," Sam said in a sing song voice. Puck rolled his eyes.

"Fine, you're right. It's just that…. Why do people keep calling me a hero?"

"Because you stopped the guy that was going to keep killing after he finished you off. And you did it even though you were injured yourself."

"If I was really a hero, then Josh and Caleb wouldn't be dead. If I was really a hero, Jackson wouldn't be dead. And people could know why he did it. All I did was let two really good men die  _and_  rob their families of an opportunity of knowing why they're gone."

Sam kneeled down in front of Puck, resting a hand on his knee. "I could tell you all the ways in which that's completely wrong but I'm won't. Because you're not ready to hear it yet. Or maybe I'm not the right one. I don't know. But just know that no matter what you think, you are a hero, Puck. Knowing why they lost a family member isn't going to change the fact that they  _did_. So having an answer as to why Jackson and his friend picked up a gun and shot up the base will not change the fact that they did. Nor will it change the fact that a lot of good and innocent people are hurt or dead. And a lot more would've been hurt or died if you hadn't done with you did. So yeah, you're a hero. Deal with it."

Puck chewed on his lip, giving a small shrug of his shoulder. He heard what Sam was saying. He felt like it was true and it made sense. But there was just something that….. He pushed those thoughts to the side for now. There would be plenty of time for brooding and existential crises later. Right now, all he wanted to do was get settled on the couch and fight with Blaine for control of the Netflix account. He had months of television to catch up on. But apparently that was going to have to wait.

He can't say that he was surprised to see all of his friends gathered in Sam and Blaine's not really built for that many people apartment. But he was surprised that it took them this long to get over to New York and find out what was going on. Then again, given the subtle warning looks the newcomers were getting from Blaine and Sam, he had an idea of exactly why none of them made an appearance until now. His best friends were so overprotective. It was kind of cute. But at any rate they were all there now. Brittany, Tina, Mike and Mercedes and… Quinn. Of course, Kurt was there, trying his luck again but Puck ignored him. The usual Puck Watch crew was gathered there that afternoon as well, along with Carole and now Burt. Yeah, the apartment was definitely not meant for this but they made it work. They made it work for him.

"Puck!" Brittany cheered, bouncing towards him with her arms wide open. He braced himself for pain that didn't come as the blonde gently tugged him forward into a careful, non-bruising hug. He lifted his good arm to wrap around her shoulders in return. She pulled away and smiled at him with teary eyes. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," he replied, feeling his own eyes stinging. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before moving over to Sam's side. And though Puck was engaged in his own conversation with Mercedes and Mike (who really where a thing and Blaine so owed him fifty bucks), he kept noticing that both Santana and Blaine were looking in the direction of the two blondes with a longing look in their eye. It was a look that didn't go unnoticed by Dani either.

"Two minutes out the hospital and drama central already," he muttered. Mike and Mercedes looked to the former couple in the corner and the seething factions they inspired and laughed. "Laugh it up, but when you guys go back to Los Angeles I need you to take me with you. I can't deal with this drama."

"I would love to, bro," Mike said sympathetically. "But there are a couple of reasons why we can't." Puck glared at him. Mike grinned and tossed a look to Mercedes.

"For starters, Sam would probably try to kill us if we took you anywhere. Or actually he would try to kill Mike and I kind of like having him around and alive."

"Fine," Puck moaned dramatically. He tilted his head to the side in thought. "You said there were a couple of reasons. That was just one."

The couple exchanged looks before looking around to see if anyone was paying attention. They were all involved in their own conversations. Mercedes held up her left hand where a small diamond ring sparkled under the fluorescent lighting. Puck's jaw dropped.

"No way," he gasped around a huge smile. "Way to go, Chang!" he held his hand up for a fist bump. Mercedes rolled her eyes fondly but nothing could wipe the smile off her face. They looked happy together. He held his up to Mercedes. "Way to go, Jones-Chang?"

"Just Chang," Mercedes corrected as she tapped her fist lightly against Puck's. "Luckily Mercedes is my stage name so I don't have to change that. But yeah, it's just going to be Chang."

"And when were you planning on sharing this news?"

"When we saw you all for graduation," Mike admitted. "Because there was a part two to that news, bro." Puck motioned for him to continue. "Well Cedes got a new label and they're based here in New York. So at the end of July, we'll be moving to Brooklyn to live full-time." Puck really felt like his eyes were in danger of falling out. Mike smirked. "So we can kidnap you a few times once we're settled in if they haven't gotten it together by then. Although I may have to kill them if they haven't figured this out by then. This back and forth dance is making me irritated and I don't even live here yet."

"You're really moving to New York?"

"Yeah," Mike grinned. "I can't let Sam, Artie and Blaine have all the fun."

Puck couldn't stop smiling which was so odd to him given the dark mood he was in before they got back to the apartment. But there was no way he could feel other than happy knowing that Mike (and Mercedes) were moving to New York. Now he would have all of his best friends on one coast and in one city. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Puck, you okay?" Mike asked, softly.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking. Kinda happy you're going to be around."

Mike nodded. "Me too. I missed you."

"Not to mention he was incredibly jealous any time you posted a picture of you hanging out with Artie, Sam and Blaine," Mercedes tattled earning a blush from her fiancé.

"Ah, don't be jealous. You know ours is a forever love, Ninja Star." Mike laughed. "Seriously, congratulations."

"Shhh, keep it down," Mercedes hissed, glancing around to see if anyone else noticed their conversation. "Today is supposed to be about you."

"I would actually love you forever if you distracted them away from me for even just a minute," Puck replied, running a hand over his face tiredly. "They're exhausting. I would love anything to get them all to back off."

Mercedes patted his leg. "Maybe when Tina goes back tomorrow. She definitely didn't take it well when she found out we were dating. I don't even want to know how she's going to react when she finds out we're getting married."

"You're getting married?!"

Kurt strikes again. Puck groaned even as a series of gasps and squeals erupted in the apartment. He winced as Tina's voice broke above the crowd. He wanted a distraction but this was definitely not the kind he wanted. Honestly, he didn't even know why Tina was acting this way. She found some new guy that, at least according to Facebook, was completely devoted to her. So Puck didn't know why she even cared if Mercedes and Mike were getting married. Except, he did. It's because no matter how much time went by, the members of New Directions would always be overly dramatic. And speaking of drama….

"Hey, Puck," Quinn said, smiling shyly.

"Hey," he murmured in return. He looked his ex over. "You look good."

"So do you," she replied. She flinched as the various arguments started to escalate in volume. "You want to go somewhere so we can talk?"

Not really, he thought. But he knew that it was something that needed to happen. They didn't really end on the best of terms the last time. So this conversation was long overdue. Besides he could hardly talk about Blaine being indecisive and dragging out this thing with Kurt if he didn't effectively deal with the unresolved issues of his relationship with Quinn. So he let her wheel his chair into Sam's empty bedroom far enough down the hall that the escalating madness from Mercedes and Mike's engagement wouldn't interrupt.

"So you wanted to talk?" he started once they were in the room. He pushed himself out of the chair and carefully shifted so that he was sitting on the bed.

Quinn sat beside him on the bed. "Don't be like this."

"Like what?"

"Closed off," she answered. "I know that I hurt you. We both made mistakes."

"Did we?" he asked. "Because I remember that all I did was join the Air Force and fail to jump when you wanted me to."

"That's not what I wanted," Quinn countered. "I did ask you to choose between me and the Air Force but not because I wanted you at my disposal or beck and call. I wanted you to be safe. Because I just kept thinking that eventually they were going to ship you out to some war zone and I would never see you again. And I didn't want that. I still don't want that. So I was scared to lose you. Then this happened…."

She trailed off and Puck wasn't in a hurry for her to continue. He never really thought about it that way. He was only thinking about how he felt. He never really gave too much thought to what she was thinking. Still…

"The Air Force gave me a purpose," he said. "It gave me drive and it made me focus. You told me that you liked the changes that you saw in me, but that was all because of what the Air Force taught me. I knew exactly what I was signing up for when I enlisted. And you knew exactly what you were signing up for when we started dating again."

"You're right. I did," she shrugged helplessly. "But you can't blame me for wanting to prevent something like this from happening. You can't blame me for wanting to keep you safe."

"No, but I can blame you for telling me that if I didn't drop out, we were done. You should've told me you were scared. You think I wasn't scared, Quinn? You think I didn't lie awake at night terrified that I could be shipped off to some country. You think I didn't worry every day that I might not live to see the next day. That I would be leaving you, Beth and Jake? Well, I did. And then it turns out I didn't even need to be shipped out."

Quinn reached for him but he pulled away. She looked up with watery green eyes. "I blew it, didn't I?"

He wanted to deny it. He wanted to tell her that right now he just wasn't in the right place to think about a relationship. So it wasn't that he didn't want to get back together with her one day…. It was just that he didn't want to get back with her one day. It was true, he was definitely not even remotely ready to think about trying to jump back into anything, much less a relationship as complicated as the one between the two of them. But the truth was, that it was always going to be complicated between them. It was always going to be dramatic and hurt and baggage and he didn't want to deal with that anymore.

"I don't think you blew it," he said. "But we can't keep doing this, Quinn. We're not good for each other."

She nodded slowly, absently wiping away a few tears. "Three strikes and we're out, huh?"

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But I… I'm different. I'm not the same person that fell in love with you. I can't be him again either. I don't know who I am anymore. But I do know that I'm not the right person for you anymore."

She chewed on her lip. "Friends?"

"Always," he gave her a wan smile. "Tell Beth I said hi?"

"Of course," she smiled sadly. "I know you don't want to Skype with her. But she's worried about you. She doesn't know everything that happened. Shelby has been pretty good about shielding her. But she knows that you're not okay. She just wants to hear your voice again. She's a total daddy's girl."

Puck swallowed. "Yeah, I'll call her tomorrow."

Quinn gave him another sad smile because even she knew he was lying. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I will always love you, Noah Puckerman. Even though we're not together and will probably never be, I will always love you. I hope you know that."

"I do. Just like I know that I will always love you, Lucy Quinn Fabray," he smiled at her eye roll. "No matter what happens between us, we will always have Beth."

"That we will," she gave him a more genuine smile.

"When are you going back?"

"Probably tonight," she admitted. "But you have my number. You know how to reach me. And I hope that you will. I don't want to go back to not talking to you. I almost lost you. So please don't shut me out again."

"Works both ways," he reminded her, though he knew he was definitely the biggest culprit when it came to blocking communications. She did try for a while to reach out to him following their last breakup. But he let the hurt and confusion override. He shut her out and didn't look back. That was his mistake. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

"I'll hold you to that," she winked. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and into a hug of sorts. "You take care of yourself, Puck. Our daughter needs her father."

"I will," he promised. "Or Blaine and Sam will."

"I'm sure Santana will be around to help. I definitely know Rachel will," she replied, slyly. He threw her a dirty look. She laughed. "Oh, like I wasn't supposed to notice that Rachel has been around a lot more. I'm just pointing out the obvious. I'm looking out for you,  _friend_."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Q!"

"Alright, I'm leaving," she said, laughing. "Take care of yourself, Puckerman."

"You too, Fabray."

She gave him one last smile before walking out the room. He sighed heavily and flopped down on the bed. This was not the first time he's crashed on this bed. And it wouldn't be the first time that he's shared this bed with Sam. The first time was the immediate aftermath of his breakup with Quinn. He thankfully was granted leave so he could deal with everything. Instead of going to Yale to speak with Quinn and sort it out, Puck found himself in New York. He stayed the whole weekend and drank, talked and in general ranted against the universe. And through it all, Sam was by his side. Sam was rapidly becoming one of the more stable constants in his life. He realized that when he thought of home, he didn't see Lima, he saw this apartment.

He knew he still had a few more weeks before anyone expected him to make a decision about going back to the Air Force. But lying there on the bed, staring up at the stucco ceiling, he knew that he already made his decision. He didn't want to go back. He wanted to stay with his family. He wanted to watch Blaine and Sam finally figure it out and get together. He wanted to watch Mercedes and Mike raise gorgeous blasian babies that could sing and dance their asses off. He wanted to be there for Jake. He wanted this life. He knew that he didn't belong there but damn if he didn't want to belong. Damn if he didn't want to try to belong.

He didn't know how long he was laying there but he knew some time had to pass. It was a lot quieter in the living room. The door to Sam's bedroom creaked open and Rachel appeared in the dim hallway lighting. She gave him a soft smile as she crept into the room.

"You awake?"

"Yeah," he murmured. "Party over?"

"Winding down," she answered. "Quinn dragged Tina out of here a little while ago. Carole and Burt did the same with Kurt. So it is now a drama free environment."

"Except the bizarre Santana-Dani-Brittany-Sam-Blaine clusterfuck."

"Yeah, except for that," Rachel giggled. "But they've calmed down a little bit. Well, Santana and Dani took it home at any rate."

"Good," he sighed, sinking deeper against the pillows. He saw her hovering in the doorway nervously. "Rach, is there any particular reason you're over there when you could be over here?"

She walked closer to the bed. "I saw you and Quinn come in here earlier. She left and she was smiling. So I assumed that…"

"You assumed wrong, babe," he whispered, holding out a hand to her. "Quinn and I are just friends. We're not getting back together."

"Oh," she said. "Well, I'm sure that if you give her time…."

"It was my choice," he assured her. "I could give it time but I don't want to. There's no point. We keep trying this and it never works out. I don't have the energy to keep trying anymore."

"What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"What was the other reason?"

Puck shook his head. How did she still know him that well? He sighed. "It's Beth. She keeps pushing me to reach out to her but…. I can't. I can't let her see me like this. I can't even talk to her right now. Everything has changed. I'm not the same man I was before. I'm not… I can't be her father like this."

"Noah, Beth adores you. She thinks you are the most amazing person in the history of the world. It doesn't matter what you're going through right now, your daughter loves you. And Quinn is right. She does miss you."

Puck sighed. "You don't get it. None of you. I can't be her father right now. I can't… I can't… I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not who I was before anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I just don't know."

Rachel tilted her head to the side as if debating something. Finally, she reached her own conclusion as she crawled on the bed and sat down beside him.

"Noah, I've known you since we were babies. When you weren't with Finn and Santana, you were with me. So I know you. There's no confusion about that. I know who you are. And to me, you're still the same person you were last year and all the years before that."

"But I'm not. I mean, I don't feel the same," he stopped, chewing on his lip. "I killed someone, Rachel. I'm not the same person. I did that. I killed him."

Rachel shook her head. "Stop. Just stop. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I've never been where you've been. I don't know what this is doing to you but I wish that it wouldn't. Because you didn't kill him."

"Yes, I…" he trailed as Rachel pressed a finger against his lips.

"No, that man killed people. He went into rooms while people were sleeping and he slaughtered them. He took lives on purpose. He took them with the intent to take them. You were defending yourself and your friends. You stopped someone who was going to keep hurting people. Someone who hurt you and your friends. You're not a bad person, Noah. You're not a killer. You're a hero."

There was that word again. Hero. It got thrown around like air these days. First it was Sam and now Rachel. Two of the people that meant everything to him. Maybe it was him that was wrong. Maybe he was a hero. But then why did….?

"I don't feel like much of a hero."

Rachel smiled sadly, moving her hand so that it was covering his. "You never do. Even though you've been my hero since we were kids."

"You don't see me any differently?"

"You're a little more bruised," she said, looking him over. "But you're still the same stubbornly loyal man with the big heart who wants to take care of everything and everyone without expecting the same in return. You're the still the guy that takes responsibility for his mistakes and doesn't hold the errors of others against them. You're still the same guy that chose glee over football."

Hit bit on his lip even as his eyes threatened to spill over. "Mr. Schue said the same thing." Rachel nodded her head.

"He has his moments of true insight," he laughed. She squeezed his hand lightly before wrapping her fingers around his. "He's right though. You may think you've changed into this horrible, irredeemable person but you haven't. You're still you, Noah Puckerman. You're still the same person we all know and we all care about."

She leaned down so that her head rested against his. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent that was pure Rachel. The tips of her bangs tickled his skin but it felt good. It felt good to have her here. Her unwavering support got him through some of the rougher days of training. But damn it was good to have her where he could see her, touch her….

"I want you to be okay, Noah. I don't want you to be okay because of any of us. I want you to get through this because you want to. I need you to get through this. I need you to want to live for you." She sighed softly. "I need you. I haven't won that Tony yet. And I need you to be there in the audience cheering for me. So that I means that I need you to try to move on. To try and live and be happy because that's not even close to what you deserve."

He lifted his hand and brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I'll try."

She kissed his forehead. "That's all I ask."

* * *

Blaine realized now why it was a horrible idea to get all of the alumni New Directions together in one room. The amount of hookups and complicated relationship webs was just ridiculous! The worst part was that he couldn't even judge because he was just as bad tonight as any of the rest of them. For a minute when he saw Brittany and Sam standing together with their heads bowed and giggling, he couldn't fight the irrational jealousy that flooded through him. He knew Sam. He knew that there wasn't anything but friendship going on between Brittany and Sam and yet he still couldn't help but feel jealous. Now he just felt embarrassed and really, really stupid. He ignored the signs of Sam moving around in the living room and focused on cleaning the little part that Carole didn't clean before they ordered her to go back to the hotel and rest.

He was so focused on the task of scrubbing a pan that he missed Sam's arrival in the kitchen. The blonde cleared his throat causing Blaine to jump and whirl around to face him. Sam was leaning against the doorway with his hands jammed down in his pocket. Everything in his body language showed he was feeling as awkward and weird as Blaine.

"So Britt is going to crash on the sofa," he mumbled. "I'm going to go check on Puck and then take a shower. So I guess, goodnight?"

"Yeah, goodnight," Blaine nodded, eyes flickering everywhere but Sam's face.

"Goodnight," Sam said one last time before he turned and walked away. Blaine let the pan slip out of his hands and into the water.

This was exactly what he didn't want with Sam. He never wanted to let things get this awkward. It wasn't even this weird when he told Sam that he had feelings for him. They managed to get through that. So why was this so difficult? Why was it so hard to be around his best friend these days? Whatever it was, he needed to get over it. Because he couldn't lose Sam's friendship. He also couldn't ruin this whatever it was with Kurt. Sure, he was still legitimately pissed about what happened between Kurt and Puck but he loved Kurt. He was engaged to Kurt. He couldn't just end that relationship… could he?

"Blaine?" Sam's voice beckoned from somewhere down the hallway. "Come here."

Arching an eyebrow, Blaine turned the sink off and hurried towards the chronic subject of his thoughts. He found his best friend standing just inside the door of his own room. He stepped up to Sam, intending on figuring out what was wrong with him when he saw it. He knew Puck had gone in the room to talk to Quinn. But she left a long time ago. They figured Puck stayed in there to take a nap (and avoid the drama) but it seemed like he wasn't as alone as they thought. Puck was lying on his back, slightly propped up against the pillows with Rachel curled up against his side with her head resting on the pillow next to his head.

"There is no way I'm moving them," Sam commented. Blaine snickered quietly. "Guess I'm going to have to sleep on the floor."

"Or you could sleep with me," Blaine said before common sense stopped the words. He flushed. "I mean you could sleep on the bed with me. With me there, not necessarily  _with_  me."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, sure," Blaine replied despite being completely and totally unsure.

Sam gave him a hesitant smile before he slipped into his room to quietly get some clothes to change into after his shower. Blaine retreated back to the kitchen to finish off that one last pan. Sadly, it didn't take as long as he hoped and soon he was back in his room, sitting on the bed and waiting for Sam to join him. This was a bad idea. This was a really bad idea.

"I can sleep on the floor," Sam said, dragging Blaine out of his thoughts.

"Do you want to sleep on the floor?" Blaine asked.

"No, but I don't want to make this weirder than it already is," he admitted.

"You won't," Blaine shook his head. "Come on." He patted the other side of the bed and desperately tried to ignore the part of his brain and heart that was telling him that this was right. That anything other than sharing a bed with Sam was wrong.

Sam settled in on the left side with a quiet sigh. Blaine turned the light off on the end table and sank down under the sheets. There was enough room between them to fit another person and Blaine both hated and loved it. He felt comfortable with the space between them but he hated it at the same time. He wanted to be near Sam. He always did. Possibly always would.

"Nothing is happening between me and Britt," Sam suddenly blurted out into the darkness. Blaine turned to face him. Sam was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I just mean that nothing is happening between us."

"I know," Blaine whispered in response. "But if there was, it's okay. Because I don't want you to be alone, Sam. I'm going to marry Kurt. We're going to work through this and we're going to get married. I don't want you to….."

"I know," Sam cut him off before he could finish the statement. Which was good because Blaine really didn't want to finish that sentence either. It was one thing that they both knew that there was this  _thing_  between them. It was another to acknowledge it and then deny it. "I'm not, you know? I just haven't found my Kurt yet. But I don't think its Brittany."

"Good, Santana might kill you if it was."

Sam snorted. "Yeah, I saw that. I saw Dani saw it too."

"They'll figure it out. I hope."

"They'll be fine," Sam said. "But what about Rachel and Puck?"

"Saw that coming from a mile away," Blaine laughed. "Kurt told me that somehow, someway, Rachel and Puck always wind up back in each other's orbit. Even back when she was with Finn the first time around, she was still somehow around Puck. I'm not surprised they're all over each other now."

"I don't think she's going to let him go this time around."

"Nope, looks like we just got a second unofficial roommate," Blaine snickered. Sam laughed, relaxing further. Blaine propped himself up so he could better look at his best friend. "Sam, are we okay?"

Sam sighed. The silence stretched on and after a while, Blaine figured that was all he was going to say on the subject. That is until he felt a warm hand brush against his.

"Yeah, we're okay. We'll get through this like we get through everything."

"Together?"

"Together."

* * *

Rachel yawned even as she eased herself out of Puck's embrace. She hadn't meant to fall asleep while talking but it just happened. She forgot how easy it was to talk to her fellow Jew. She forgot how easy it was to listen to him too. They talked about everything and nothing before they both finally gave into the sleep that really hadn't been happening since he was first hospitalized. Still, she should probably get home. She glanced at her phone and realized it was later than she thought. As she crept into the hallway, she noticed that everything was dark. The party was long over and all the guests, minus Brittany sleeping on the sofa, were long gone.

Then a thought occurred to her. If she was in Sam's bed with Puck… where was Sam? She peeked into the living room and found no sign of the blonde there. She really hoped he didn't end up spending the night somewhere else because of her. She walked into Blaine's room, intent on waking him to help her find his roommate when her search came to an abrupt, yet happy end. She found Sam sleeping in Blaine's bed with the man himself. She didn't know how they fell asleep but the way they were sleeping spoke volumes about their feelings for one another. It was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. Their legs were tangled together as they lay on their sides facing one another.

She gave a dreamy little sigh before reaching for her phone. Yes, she was Kurt's best friend but that didn't mean that she couldn't recognize the potential in the pair before her. Besides, Jake would probably kill her if she didn't take a picture. She snapped two shots before Sam stirred. She froze unsure if he was waking up or not. Thankfully, he simply snuggled closer to Blaine and settled in again. She giggled and backed up the way she came.

Now that she knew that Sam was definitely comfortable, the idea of going back to bed was pressing on her. Her bed was in the overly crowded loft with a no doubt bickering Santana and Dani. Not to mention, the seething and sulking Kurt. Yeah, her bed was definitely not piquing her interest. Not like Sam's bed which contained the very tempting Noah Puckerman. She shook her head. Like there was ever really a choice.

She crept back into the room where Puck hadn't stirred. She slipped her heels off and crawled back on the bed. Just as she was in the process of sliding under the covers, Puck shifted. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily.

"Hey. I thought you were leaving."

"Never," she grinned. "I was just indulging my inner shipper."

"Blam?" he murmured around a smile of his own. She nodded. "Let me see." She handed him her phone opened to the last picture. She watched as his eyes softened staring at his two best friends. "One day, they'll figure it out."

"God, I hope so."

He raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be on Kurt's side?"

"Not when it comes to this," she replied, firmly. "Kurt doesn't love Blaine. He loves this idea of him that isn't even real. You and Sam, you two love the real Blaine. You help him be the Blaine we all know he is when he's not around Kurt."

"He helps me too," Puck said, quietly. "They both do."

"I know. Trust me, I know how much they've helped you. And not just with all of this. I know they've helped in general. I'm so sorry Finn is gone but I'm so grateful that you have those two. They get you in ways that Finn never did."

Puck nodded slowly, clearly lost in thought. Finally, he sighed and looked up to meet her waiting gaze. "Rachel, do you think that… with Finn? Do you think that there was anything I could've done to prevent…?"

"No!" she cut him off before he even finished. "Never go there, Noah! And I swear to Barbra if I find out that Kurt went there, I will rip his balls off and staple them to his forehead." She paused. Horror slowly creeping on her face. "Oh, my god. Did he go there?!"

Puck didn't reply. But he didn't need to. Like she said before, she knew him since they could talk. She was more than familiar with reading his emotions and all the things he never said through his eyes. And everything was telling her that Kurt went there. Kurt poked a wound that haven't even begun to heal. A wound he had no business poking! She knew that Kurt and Finn were close. They were brothers through marriage. But Puck and Finn had even more history than that. They were brothers by choice. They chose each other and Rachel knew that a part of Puck died the night Finn died. She was only now starting to see that piece of him again. And it was only around Blaine and Sam. So no, Kurt had no business poking that particular wound.

"Noah," she started, feeling so far out of her depth because how dare he. "No one even remotely sane or logical blames you for what happened with Finn. It wasn't anything you could control or change. If there was a way, you would've done it. But there wasn't. No one sane blames you."

He gave her a small smile. It broke her heart to see him this vulnerable and confused. She knew he was hurting before Kurt attacked him. Neither Kurt nor Puck seemed keen on going in to detail about what was said that night between them but Rachel was going to change that. Next time she saw Kurt, she was definitely forcing him to tell her everything.

"Thanks, Rachel."

"None necessary," she assured him. "I only spoke the truth."

They laid in silence for a few comfortable moments. She felt herself relax further into the bed with each soft inhalation of his breath. She heard him shift again and knew he was looking at her. "Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not really going to rip his balls off... are you?"

She loved that he actually asked. "No, nothing quite that drastic. But I do think I might rip a few of his favorite designer pieces. You're definitely worth slashing a few Zac Posen's."

Puck snorted. "Nice."

Another few minutes passed in a comfortable silence. Well, comfortable for her. But she could feel each twitch coming from the body next to her. She propped herself up on her elbow and smiled down at him.

"You might as well just take it off," she said, pointing towards the jeans and shirt he was wearing. He gave her a look. "You don't sleep in this much clothing and you know it."

"Why do you know what I sleep in?"

"Seriously?! How could I not know? Camp every single summer from the ages of seven until we were fourteen? Any of that ringing a bell?"

"Valid point," he conceded. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and shifted so his legs were off the bed. She watched to make sure that he didn't further injure himself. Her eyes were locked on his body as he lifted his shirt over his head, revealing faint, long healed scars. She knew the origin of almost all of those scars almost as well as she knew him. She giggled when his shirt hit her on the head. "Stop staring, you perv."

She turned around even though she thought it was rather pointless. It wasn't like he was showing anything she hadn't seen before. They've been around each other since they were practically born. There was not an inch of his skin that she didn't know. Well, she thought blushing. That wasn't entirely true. But neither of them was even remotely ready to think about that particular area. Still if he was getting ready for bed. She might as well too. She picked up his discarded shirt with a smirk that would make him proud.

"Okay, I'm….." she heard Puck trail off as he finally turned around to see Rachel wearing his shirt and nothing else. "Oh, wow."

"I couldn't exactly sleep in my dress now could I?" she asked, coyly. "Now get in. If I'm your designated bed buddy for the night, I'm going to make sure you get some actual rest."

He nodded, easing back down and letting Rachel pull the covers over them both. He turned on his side so he could face her. Slowly his hand reached towards her, their fingers interlacing naturally.

"What are we doing here, Rachel?"

"Tonight? We're sleeping. That's all. Look, Noah, I'm not saying that we need to jump into this right away but understand that this is definitely happening. I almost lost you and that was enough of a wakeup call for me. I cannot lose you. I can't survive that. I know it."

"What about Finn?" he asked, quietly.

She swallowed the lump that always seemed to form when she thought of her ex-fiancé. Three years later and it was still like a fresh hurt every time she thought about him not being here. But it wasn't their relationship that she mourned, rather the potential that Finn had that was never explored. And it was time that she made that clear to Puck.

"Finn is gone," she replied after taking a deep breath. "And if I'm really honest with myself, we weren't together when he died. I don't think we were really ever going to get back together. I think we both knew it but just didn't want to say the words. But this thing between us, that has nothing to do with Finn. This is just you and me."

"So what does this mean?"

"This means we go slowly. That means tonight I'm going to be here to make sure you don't have any bad dreams. And then tomorrow, we're going to wake up together and guilt trip/emotionally blackmail your roommates into bringing us food in bed all day."

Puck laughed and it was a warm, infectious laugh that had her smiling in return. She loved the way his eyes lit up when he was genuinely smiling. His eyes were almost shining under the dim lighting that the streetlamp outside provided. She let go of his hand so that she could trace the planes of his face with her fingertips. His smile wavered slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"I could get used to this," he admitted. "Living here with Sammy and Blaine, helping Mike and Mercedes plan their wedding… waking up to your face every morning. I could get used to it."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I got used to Finn and Josh and Caleb."

She sighed, shifting closer to him. "Life is full of risk, Noah. You know that better than any of us. But I don't want you to give up on this because you're scared to lose us. Life is risk. Love is risk. But I think that this is worth the risk, don't you?"

He stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face before he closed the small gap between them and pressed his lips against her. It was a quick and chaste kiss but she knew him. She read the promises in that brief kiss. She read the words and emotions he was still too overwhelmed to share. She pecked him on the tip of his nose, pulling a laugh that was dangerously close to a giggle from him. She beamed at him.

"We're going to get through this, Noah."

"I know," he said, sounding more sure and firmer about that than he had in weeks. "But now we sleep."

"Now we sleep," she agreed, turning over so that her back rested against his chest. She settled down in his arms, smiling as his head settled against her neck. "Well, actually there is one more thing we need to do." She could feel his brow wrinkling. She picked up her long forgotten phone from the end table.

"You're spoiling him," he muttered. "And you guys call me the enabler."

"Shut up and smile for the camera."

* * *

Jake stared at his cellphone with something akin to longing in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to pick it up and text his brother (or any of the assorted people that associated with his brother) but he apparently reached his quota for the day. It was the only way he could get Kitty to agree to give him his phone back. He had to agree to a limit. And he reached that about three hours ago. So now he was just sitting there on his bed staring at the silent phone wishing someone would text him to tell him what was happening. But he seriously doubted that was going to happen. Because all of his brothers' friends (and his brother too) were jerks who didn't understand…..

His phone chimed at the foot of his bed, prompting him to sit up straight. He cocked his head to the side as he noticed it was a picture message from Rachel. He unlocked his phone and waited for the picture to appear. He was smiling before he even processed what he was looking at. The first picture was of Blaine and Sam sleeping. They were even more tangled in each other than the ones he had on his phone. He saved the image and then moved to the second picture. That one was of Puck and Rachel lying in what was clearly Sam's bed together. But that wasn't what caught his attention. He could only focus on his brother's face. He looked happy and settled in his own skin. He hadn't seen that version of his brother in a few weeks.

He quickly forwarded the text to Kitty but only after making a note to print the images out the next day. These were definitely going in his locker for the remainder of the school year. His phone rang a minute later. He picked up without even looking.

" _Go to sleep, fanboy."_

"Like you didn't squeal," he countered.

" _I_   _never said that I didn't_ ," Kitty snapped. " _Just go to sleep, loser_."

"Fine. I'll see you in the morning."

" _Of course. Oh, and Jake?"_

"Yeah?"

" _Thanks. These are so going in the album_!"

With that said, Kitty disconnected the call. Jake scoffed. And she called him a fanboy.


	7. In Between

Three months ago, Sam got a call at three in the morning that changed the lives of not just the residents of apartment 3B pretty much for good. Blaine liked to think that the changes they experienced weren't all that terrible. Sure, it exposed some rather huge weak spots in what he previously believed was a pretty flawless relationship with Kurt but they were working through it. Blaine was confident that they would find a way to come through this even stronger than they were before. So really Blaine didn't mind the changes that happened. Besides he could never mind anything that meant that Puck was living with them full time and not off on some base in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. He hated that Puck had to go through all that to get to this point but he wouldn't deny that he was glad Puck was here. Even if sometimes he got the feeling that Puck wasn't always as excited as them to be here. Sometimes like right now.

Blaine frowned as Puck failed to acknowledge his presence even as he sat down beside him. The older man had been sitting on the sofa staring off into space since Blaine arrived home twenty minutes ago. Given what they knew about his ability to get lost in his own mind lately, Blaine had a good feeling that he had been sitting there longer than that. Mentally, Blaine cursed Sam for finally getting back to work because he (and Rachel and Santana) were the best ones for this. But none of them were here now, so he was going to have to try his best.

"Hey, Puck," he started quietly. There was no reaction. Not even a shift in his way too tense body language to let him know that he had been heard. "What's going on? Did something bad happen with the exit interview?"

He waited a few tense moments and finally Puck shook his head. Blaine let out a sigh of relief. He was really disappointed that none of them could stay with Puck during the interview. But Puck insisted that he would be fine and wouldn't let them rearrange their schedules to accommodate him. That didn't mean that they didn't try. They just failed. And the interview was on Blaine's mind the entire time he was out of the apartment. Blaine's one fear was that they were going to either con Puck into coming back or guilt him for trying to leave the Air Force in the first place. But it didn't seem like any of that happened. That didn't explain what had his friend caught in his own headspace.

"What did happen with the exit interview?" he asked carefully. Puck let out a shaky breath and Blaine didn't hesitate to put his hand over his best friend's. "Whatever happened, you can tell me. We'll get through it together."

"My CO was there. I wasn't expecting that. I thought it was just going to be an administrator but he came too," he murmured. His voice was barely a whisper even in the silence of the apartment. But Blaine was used to the quiet that seemed to surround Puck these days. So he heard the words loud and clear. "He said… that he was proud of me. And that he understood why I wasn't coming back. That I didn't let him down. They, uh, also said that they're giving me an honorable discharge."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, that means I'm entitled to benefits and stuff," he replied, still staring off into space. "They're going to pay for me to get counseling and stuff if I wanted to go. They're also going to help me pay for college or whatever I wanted to do."

"That all sounds amazing. So what's the problem?"

Puck's still healing leg started to bounce up and down. Blaine knew it was a sign of the anxiety they were told would be with him for a while. Blaine reached over and placed his hand on his knee, stopping the motion. He then looked up to meet Puck's gaze.

"What else did they say?"

"They offered to move me into a new apartment… so that I didn't have to keep sharing a bedroom with Sammy. They said being more independent would help me adjust. I think they were right. But… yeah."

"Oh," Blaine said, starting to catch on to where this was headed. Part of him was angry with Puck's commanding officer for bringing up the subject when his friend was definitely not in the right mind to make these types of decisions but the rational part of Blaine knew that there was no way anyone other than the people constantly around him would know what Puck's mental state was like these days. He squeezed Puck's knee lightly before getting up to bring out his laptop from his room.

He felt more than saw Puck watching his every movement as he settled back down on the couch but Blaine kept his focus on the screen. Finally after a few minutes, he found what he was looking for. With a triumphant grin, he turned the screen towards Puck. He watched silently as Puck read the words and tried to understand what it was supposed to mean.

"Three bedrooms and two baths," he finally said aloud.

"Yeah, it's actually right down the hall from Artie. We wouldn't even have to leave the building. We were looking at that apartment when we first moved in but it was way out of our budget then. Technically, it still is. That is until you said that the government was willing to pay. I say we take full advantage. They didn't say you couldn't have some roommates."

Puck swallowed, looking down at his hands. "You still want me to live with you?"

"Of course," Blaine answered without hesitation. "Dude, we've wanted you to live with us since we first came to New York. And if you had to keep sharing a room with Sam for that to happen, that would've been fine."

"Might get a little awkward after a while," Puck mumbled.

Blaine snickered. "It would be very awkward after a while. But I know Sam would've been cool with that too. Because you would be here with us," he agreed. He nudged Puck with his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Puck sighed. He ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry about that, dude."

"Seriously?" Blaine asked with a faint hint of amusement. "Bro, after everything that's happened in the past few months, do you really think any of us expect anything from you? You're entitled to have a few moments. It's okay."

Puck nodded slowly. Blaine repressed the urge to sigh. He didn't blame his friend for the few moments when he let everything get to him. Those moments were few and far between. They were warned by Puck's doctors when he was discharged that his mental recovery was probably going to be a rougher road than the physical. That was evident in the way that Puck would apologize for any and all signs of weakness. They really needed to work on that.

"You think Sam is going to be okay with moving? He really likes this apartment."

Blaine didn't have a chance to answer as the man himself was making his way into the apartment at that instant. He stopped short upon seeing his two roommates sitting on the sofa, clearly in the midst of a deep conversation.

"Everything okay?" Sam asked hesitantly. "The meeting went okay? Kurt's not flailing about trying to murder people again is he?"

"Yeah, the meeting went well and no, Kurt is not trying to murder anyone again," Blaine answered for Puck, rolling his eyes at his blonde best friend in the process. He was an excellent at multitasking. Sam smirked. "Anyway, asshole, just a heads up, we're moving."

"We are? Where?"

"To that apartment down the hall from Artie."

Sam pursed his lips in thought looking between his two friends before shrugging. "Okay, cool." With that Sam resumed his journey to his room.

Blaine turned to Puck with a smug grin. The older man replied by elbowing him in the ribs. Blaine grunted but continued to grin in Puck's direction.

"Oh, shut up!" Puck hissed.

"Told you so," Blaine taunted. "You're ours now. We got you right where want you and we are not letting you go. Like ever."

"That was probably not supposed to be as creepy as it sounded, huh?"

"Oh, it was."

Puck shifted on the sofa to get a better look him. His hazel eyes were wide with Blaine guessed was supposed to be surprise but he knew his friend better than that. He could read the amusement there long before Puck broke down in a fit of laughter. He realized in that moment that it had been way too long since he heard his best friend laugh this openly and freely. It was a welcome sound. It made him believe that everything really was going to be okay.

"Was that laughter I heard?" Sam asked, emerging from his room wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He flopped down on the sofa on Puck's other side and draped an arm around the back of the seat so that his hand was resting in the space between Puck and Blaine's shoulders.

"Yes, it was," Blaine confirmed once the blonde was settled. "You heard the elusive and long sought after Puckerman laugh."

"Ah, a rarity these days," Sam exclaimed. "Almost like a unicorn."

"Did you really just call my laugh a unicorn?" Puck asked incredulously.

"I really did," Sam grinned, ruffling Puck's hair. "It's true though. It's rare to see you laughing without Rachel or Jake present. Speaking of… where is you're not really but yeah totally girlfriend anyway?"

Blaine bit on his lip to hide his smile at the dopey love-struck look that crossed Puck's face at the mention of Rachel. If Blaine had any hesitation about Rachel and Puck dating again, the effect she had on him would've erased those fears. Rachel made Puck lighter. Plus they were totally adorable. True to Rachel's promise to Puck (and subsequently Blaine and Sam), they were taking their budding relationship very slowly. It was fun watching the pair fall even more in love with one another.

"Burt and Carole are going back to Lima tomorrow, so she figured she'd spend a little time with Carole before they left."

"Oh that's nice," Blaine nodded absently. He glanced at Sam over Puck's head with a worried expression. Puck snorted, picking absently at his jeans.

"She's coming back tonight. Burt is making us all dinner and Carole is dropping off what Santana swears is enough leftovers to feed a small army for at least a couple of weeks."

"Oh good," Blaine replied, flushing at being caught worrying. It wasn't his fault. He knew that Puck had a rough morning. It was not unusual for him to have nightmares when he had a rough day and Rachel was officially the best when it came to dealing with his bad dreams. "Good to all of what you said. San coming over too?"

"No, she said something about Dani wanting to meet her to talk about something important. So they're both sitting this one out. She didn't sound too happy."

"Hmm," Blaine murmured thoughtfully. "I'm sure it'll work out. Dani and Santana are great together."

Even as he said it, the words felt hollow. He noticed the distance growing between the two women with each passing day. But despite the fact that they were moving further and further away from one another, they continued to hold onto their relationship. Neither one wanting to let go when it was clear that maybe some time and space would do them both a world of good. Blaine hoped that he never got that way with Kurt. That when the time came, that he could and would let go. Although he realistically knew that he would never really want to let go. He owed Kurt that much after the whole Eli situation. Kurt forgave him and took him back. He even agreed to marry him. The least he could do was hold onto what they had and try and make it work. So yeah it sucked that Dani and Santana might not make it, but he would be damned if he let the same thing happen to him and Kurt. They were going to make it.

They had to.

* * *

"And the prodigal roommate returns!"

Rachel repressed the urge to respond to Kurt's snappy comment by either a sharp retort or a full on retreat from the situation. She glanced around the loft and frowned upon seeing it devoid of anyone other than her and Kurt. This was exactly the reason why she was avoiding the loft. This right here.

"Where is everyone?"

"Dad and Carole are packing. Santana is over at Dani's. And I'm here wondering why I've barely seen my best friend in a month. And I know that you're not over at Blaine's every single night. So I wonder why you're sleeping at Elliot's apartment when you have a perfectly functional bed over here."

Great, Elliot snitched after all. She knew he would crack under the pressure. Feigning innocence Rachel shrugged off her bag and shoes with the intent of going to offer help packing to Burt and Carole. Well, it was her intent. Instead she had Kurt very suddenly appearing in her face, blocking any opportunity she had to escape.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not," she replied breezily. The lie came to her lips easily but even as she stood here in front of him, she could feel the same anger that had been simmering for the past few weeks thrumming through her veins. "Just leave it alone, Kurt. There is nothing to say here."

"I think there is. Ever since you decided to do this weird kind of dating thing with Puck, you've been distant. I think I deserve to know why."

"I really don't know what you're talking about. I'm not being distant. So there really isn't anything to say."

"Well, you're not acting like it. You wouldn't be avoiding me if you didn't have something to say. So just spill it already so we can move on already."

Rachel bit on her lip to quell the urge to yell but it still came out as a strangled scream. Kurt took a step back but it was too late. Everything she held inside for the past month came rushing to the surface.

"You never stop, do you? You just never stop! It's always about you! You never stop to think that people might not in the mood to hear you because of stuff going with them. Newsflash, Kurt, the world does not revolve around you. It never has and it damn well never will!"

"Rachel, I…."

Rachel cut off his no doubt offended and hurt response with a simple wave of her hand. "No, Kurt. You want to talk and that's what we're going to do. Because you're right. I have been avoiding you. Because I was hoping that a little time and distance would help me not want to hit you until you bleed."

"What did I do?" he sighed. "Is this still about Puck? I already apologized for that. So what did he tell you that's got you all up in arms?"

"I knew you said something horrible to him," she hissed in response. "I knew it and I was coming to terms with it. But then he let it slip. You went there. You went there and used Finn against him. How dare you?! What made you think you had any right at all to talk to Puck about Finn at all?!"

The smug exasperation on his faded as he realized the real source of her anger. He paled as he finally understood just how much Rachel was not playing with him anymore.

"I made a mistake. I was so angry in that moment and I just… I don't even remember everything that I said."

"That's great for you because he does. He remembers it all. He remembers that you blamed him for the death of his childhood best friend just a week after he saw two of his friends die. One of those friends died in his arms. Oh, and it needs to be noted that he would never had made either of those friends if Finn was still here. Maybe reminding him about his dead best friend the week after two other friends died wasn't the best of moves."

Kurt frowned. "It's not fair. Everyone is so quick to take Puck's side. But no one has even stopped to think about my side and what I was going through."

Rachel flung herself down on the sofa with dramatic flourish. "Well, go ahead then. Please tell me what possible reason you could have that any of us would accept as valid. Please tell me something that would justify verbally attacking someone in a hospital bed who could barely defend themselves."

Kurt sat on the sofa opposite from her. "I don't…. I can't…. Because it was wrong. I was wrong. Is that you want to hear? Will that take it back and make things okay with us?"

"No," Rachel shook his head. "I don't think it will. I don't really know if anything is going to make things okay with between us again."

"You're really going to throw away our friendship for your boyfriend? For Puckerman?"

"No, I'm not throwing away anything. Right now, I'm so angry with you. You hurt someone I've known and loved about since before I even knew what those concepts were. You hurt someone that Finn had known and cared since forever. Sam and Blaine might really believe that this was all about them but I'm not that naïve. I don't doubt that there wasn't some part of this whole mess that was about them but it wasn't all about them. I need you to be honest with me. If you care anything about me, tell me the truth. You wanted to hurt Puck that day, didn't you? You wanted to hurt him because you wanted him to hurt. You used Finn because you knew nothing you said or did would hurt him worse."

Kurt started to protest but eventually shifted in his seat. He sighed. "Yes, okay? I wanted him to hurt. I'm really trying to understand how, and  _why_ , you all defend him with everything you have but I'll never get it. Puck is and always has been a loser that gets by because people feel sorry for him. He bullied me and made my life hell for a whole school year. But I'm supposed to forgive that because he and Quinn had a love baby that they ended up giving away? I'm supposed to forgive Puck because he said he was sorry?"

"So instead you hold onto a grudge from when you were sixteen years old and use that anger to almost kill a man that has done nothing more than care about you and try and befriend you since our sophomore year?"

"I didn't try to kill him!"

"No, you just pushed and pushed after he begged you to stop. You pushed him so hard he almost had a stroke. He may have permanent muscle damage in his leg because he tried to walk on it too soon. He was trying to walk away from you! So you're sitting here and telling me some nonsense about a grudge from when were sixteen like that's supposed to make what you did okay. Yet you wonder why things between us will never be the same."

"You think I don't know how much I've screwed up? It's not just you. Blaine isn't the same anymore. He's guarded with me. I'm definitely not allowed back over there. Kitty won't stop writing insulting Facebook statuses about me and then tagging me. Santana constantly looks like she's one bad day away from taking her rage issues out on my face. Sam and Jake pretend that I don't exist whenever I'm around them. So yeah, Rachel, I'm aware of the fact that I've made mistakes. I tried to apologize for it."

"Why did you even bother? You clearly don't mean it," Rachel scoffed. "You clearly don't mean it and you would do it again if you had the chance." Kurt shook his head but the fact that he didn't protest was all the answer she needed. "Who are you? The Kurt I thought I knew would never…"

"Rachel," Kurt started, moving to put a hand on her but she pulled away as if burned. "So now what? Where do we go from here?"

"Now, I really don't know. I can't say that I will never be your friend again. But I can say that every time I think of what happened between you and Noah, I just…. I wasn't exactly willing to accept that you pushed him until he had a stroke but it happened and I was going to move past it. But you used Finn against him. Finn."

Kurt took a shaky breath, wiping a hand over his face. Finally he let out a deep sigh. "I'm shocked it took him this long to tell really. I thought for sure he would've said something the minute Carole showed up."

Rachel shook her head sadly. "You really don't know Noah at all do you? He didn't tell me anything. He definitely won't tell Carole anything. My guess is that he hasn't even told Sam or Blaine everything that happened."

"Then how did you…."

"How did I know?" Rachel asked. "I knew because of everything he didn't say. I've known Noah since before we could talk. I know how to read into what he won't say. He won't tell us anything about what you said. He didn't tell me about you throwing Finn in his face either. I only knew because he really asked me if I thought there was something he could've done to save Finn that night. Plus I know you, Kurt. You go straight for the jugular. You want your words to hurt the most. That really doesn't make you any better than the bullies that tormented us all four years of high school."

"I am not a bully!" Kurt protested shrilly.

"Oh, but you really are."

Rachel's eyes widened as she and Kurt glanced over the back of the sofa to find Burt and Carole hovering in the doorway of Santana's bedroom which had been loaned to them during their stay. Rachel only needed to look at the pale look of horror and disappointment on the Burt and Carole's faces to know that they heard more of the conversation than either of them intended. Great. Noah was going to kill her.

"Dad?" Kurt started, eyes watering already. Rachel bit on her lip to hide the growing smirk. Because he might not have gotten it when it was his friends telling him, but he was getting it now. About damn time.

"Kurt, you know that I have always had your back. I've always supported you. But right now," Burt trailed off, shaking his head. "Kid, I'm so disappointed in you."

"But I…." Kurt trailed off, shaking his head. "Carole, I'm…."

"No," Carole whispered. "I… I knew something happened. I know you and Blaine were inseparable before Puck came to New York. So I knew that something happened that changed that. I knew that he had another incident after he moved here. But I just never thought you could do something like this. I never thought you could be so cruel."

Kurt took a shaky breath. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"But it did," Burt replied with a helpless shrug. "I don't even know what to say right now. How could you even think what you did was acceptable or okay? I get that he picked on you when you were younger but even I think he's done his penance with you. He's been your friend since junior year."

"He has," Kurt admitted quietly. "Dad, Carole, I'm really sorry."

"We're not the ones you need to apologize to," Carole cut him off. "That's Noah. And you will do that any day but today. I was going to ask you to join us for dinner but that's before I knew what happened between you and Noah. I'm not about to ruin our last night together by stressing him with your presence." She cleared her throat. "Rachel, we will leave in twenty minutes. I need to have a very long talk with you, Blaine and Sam about keeping secrets."

Rachel bit on her lip, nodding sheepishly. Should've known this was going to back to me somehow. Still, she glanced out the corner of her eye to see Kurt silently contemplating his father and stepmother's words. She didn't know if it was going to have any actual effect on him. But he seemed to be giving it more thought than he had anything else in the past three months. So maybe there was some small hope for him yet. Maybe. Either way, she was content to leave him where he was as she ran into her room to pack a bag to carry over to the boys' apartment. She had a feeling she was going to be crashing there for a few more nights.

* * *

Puck was just settling back on the sofa with Sam sitting beside him, his left shoulder pressed tightly against Puck's right side and Rachel tucked under his left arm when the door to their apartment burst open. He knew it wasn't Burt or Carole as they left over an hour ago. They claimed they needed to have more words with their wayward son. Puck left them to it. So that only left one other person with a key. Blaine stopped short on his way back into the living room as the whirlwind of energy better known as Santana breezed into the room, heading straight for the bottle of wine still resting on the dining room table. Without a word to anyone, she uncorked the bottle and raised it to her lips. Puck raised an eyebrow as she took several long gulps without taking a break. That's when he noticed the damning mascara trails on her cheeks.

"Santana?" Rachel called out warily. She ignored her though in favor of continuing to chug the wine. Part of Puck wanted to be concerned with the amount of alcohol she was consuming but the other part knew better than to try and get her away from it. Unless he felt like prying it out of her fingers, that was never going to happen.

Finally, she had her fill and placed the bottle down with a heavy thud. She glared at the trio still huddled together on the sofa. "I hate you all."

"You came all the way over here and drank nearly a whole bottle of wine just to tell us that?" Sam asked, arching an eyebrow. "You could've just sent your usual text for that."

"Where's Dani?" Puck asked quietly. Santana's gaze softened as she looked him in the eye. He sighed. "She's gone?"

"She leaves at the end of the week," Santana confirmed with a heavy sigh. She then slumped down into the chair Blaine managed to push under her at the very last minute. "She got a record deal. They want her to relocate to LA effective immediately. She didn't even hesitate. She just agreed. She didn't think about us."

Puck saw the others exchanging confused and concerns glances. He sympathized. None of them really knew how to deal with Santana when she had her heart broken. They could deal with the rage fits and the insults but none of them knew how to deal with the woman underneath it all. Luckily, Puck has been dealing with the woman underneath all the swagger and bravado since puberty. He eased himself off the sofa to come into a kneeling position in front of his longtime friend. The move was not helping his leg but his momentary hurt was nothing compared to the palpable pain he could sense coming from Santana at that moment.

"She's leaving me," Santana continued in a quiet voice. "I offered to go with her and she said that it wouldn't work. She said I belonged here. With you guys. She didn't want me to go with her and resent her for making me leave you all." She let out another shaky breath. "She's right though. Remember I made a promise that I wasn't leaving you again."

Puck felt his breath catch. "You know that I would never…."

"Relax, Puckzilla," Santana teased with a small smile. "It wasn't just you. I got kind of used to my life here. I like it here. When I think of home, it's you losers. Not Dani. That's not right for either of us. So while the timing seriously sucks, I can't fault her for wanting to move on before we got way too deep in this to find a sane way of ending it."

Puck bit on his lip. "I guess. But just know that I wouldn't be mad at you for leaving."

"I know," she smiled a little brighter. It was then that she realized the position he was sitting in. "Dumbass, get off of that leg before you do even more damage to it. It's already messed up from Kurt's drama queen moment. You don't need to make it worse."

Puck rolled his eyes even as he felt Sam helping him stand up. When the blonde left the sofa in the first place was anyone's guess but he was right there with a steadying hand, ready to catch him if he fell. Like he's done every day since the hospital made that three o'clock phone call. He could see where Santana was coming from. He didn't want to leave these people either. They were more than just his friends. They were his family.

And that's how he found himself crammed on a sofa definitely not meant for five people watching random superhero cartoons and splitting the remainder of the wine between them all. It was the best night he had in a really long time.

* * *

The move didn't take nearly as long as he thought it would. Once Puck called the Veteran's Association things moved pretty quickly. Two weeks after his exit interview, the trio were now living down the hall from Artie. He knew that their neighbors probably hated them already. But really it was not their fault that they were all still fairly young men all living within throwing distance of one another with a proclivity towards mischief and pranks. Okay, maybe the wheelchair races in the hallways were a bit much but really Puck was all about getting the most out of that rental before it had to go back at the end of the month.

Aside from potential neighbor clashes, the move was working out pretty well so far. With three bedrooms, they each had their own space to breathe. And Puck no longer had to feel guilty when his wonderful, amazing hot girlfriend (because they finally just decided to call it what it was already) decided to sleep over. Rachel seemed to be a fan of their larger apartment as well. The fact was evident given that the bottom two drawers of his dresser were exclusively Rachel's. She also had her own coffee mug and a key. That's why he was surprised that she was ringing the doorbell.

He pushed himself off the sofa where he was admittedly dozing more than reading through the stack of brochures of colleges in the New York metro area and shuffled towards the front door. It didn't even occur to him that it could be anyone other than Rachel. For starters, most of the usual suspects had keys and were also busy. Rachel was keeping him company until Sam and Blaine got done with work and school. She only ran out to get them some lunch. That was a little over an hour ago. So when the doorbell started ringing, he just assumed she had too much in her hands to use her key. That's why he didn't hesitate to open the door with a sly grin on his face. The smile faded the moment he registered the person actually standing at his door.

"Kurt," he said flatly. "Blaine isn't here."

"I know," Kurt replied, quietly. "And according to Find My Friends app on my phone, Rachel should be here in another ten minutes."

Puck looked down at his socks for a brief moment before looking up to Kurt. "If you know that they're not here, why are you here?"

"Because I want to talk to you," Kurt replied automatically. "But I know that you have really good reasons to not let me in. So I can just wait here until Rachel gets back if that makes you feel more comfortable."

Puck narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what angle Kurt was working. There was always something with him. They had barely spoken since Puck got out of the hospital and Puck was quite okay with that. He really didn't have anything to say to Kurt nor did he believe that Kurt had anything to say to him. But clearly he did.

"Fine, you can come in," Puck finally muttered, stepping to the side to let Kurt enter. The shorter man hovered awkwardly in the foyer. Puck motioned for him to enter and have a seat. He closed the door behind them and took several shaky breaths before shuffling back into the living room where Kurt was waiting, perched on the edge of the sofa as if he were afraid to settle down any further. Puck found it hilarious that Kurt was the one on edge here. He sat down on the far end of the sofa and stared hard at the other man. "You have a key."

"I do. But I also know that you and Sam barely wanted me to have that key and it would defeat the whole purpose of why I'm over here today if I used the key without your permission."

"And that would be…."

Kurt bit his lip. It was a nervous tell that Puck recognized from their school days. Finally he seemed to reach some sort of internal conclusion. He reached for his bag that was lying forgotten on the seat beside him. He pulled out a small stack of papers. On the very top was a colorful brochure for NYADA. Puck narrowed his eyes once again.

"So I overheard Rachel and Santana talking about you applying to schools for the fall. But it didn't seem like NYADA was on the list."

"That's a performing arts school."

"Yes, and you're a performer," Kurt pointed out. He pushed the packet across the sofa cushion. "But anyway, I heard that they're starting a songwriter focus."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you are beyond talented and should be showing that off. Remember, I was there for our first bid at Nationals. I know I might not have acknowledged it at the time but I know how much of 'Pretending' was Finn and how much was you," Kurt said unconsciously echoing Sam's words. "You don't belong at some regular college or trade school. You belong at NYADA where you can really show off your talent."

"Why are you being nice to me?" Puck asked, still guarded. "No one is here, you already know that. So why are you being nice?"

"Because I suck at apologies," Kurt said around a tremulous laugh. "Puck, what I said to you… was unforgiveable. I get that now. I had no right to attack you much less say the things that I said. I'm not apologizing because I want to get in good with everyone else again. I'm apologizing because I hope that one day, you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me."

Puck crossed his arms over chest and carefully studied the other man. There was no hint of a lie or trick on his face. Kurt wore his emotions on his face. It was part of the reason he was terrible at lying (and spying according to Blaine).

"Why?"

"Because despite what everyone thinks, I do love Blaine. I love what's important to him. And you and Sam are important to him. I'm done trying to interfere or compete with that. You guys are his family. That means you're important to me. But most importantly, you were important to Finn. He wouldn't want me fighting with you. He would want me to make sure that you were okay. Since you have more than enough people to look after you physically and mentally, I figured I would help you along vocationally. I don't even know."

Puck cracked a small smile as he pulled the paper over. He expected to see a blank application and maybe further information about the program. Instead, there was a completed application with his new address and a stunningly accurate forgery of his signature alongisde a letter attached to the brochure. He frowned as he picked up the letter.

"Dear Noah Puckerman," he read aloud. "It is our honor to invite you to the 2019 graduation class of the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts…." He looked up at Kurt. "I got in? I didn't even audition."

"Technically."

"What do you mean technically? I never auditioned."

"I spoke with Madame Tibideaux. She's aware of your unique circumstances and she agreed to bypass a formal audition as long as she could see an example of your work."

"I don't have anything."

"You didn't but Mr. Schuester did. He recorded our Nationals performance. He recorded Rachel and Finn singing the song you wrote. I submitted that with the application that Carole filled out and voila."

Puck looked down at the letter once again. He hadn't even entertained the idea of NYADA. He knew the others weren't going to mention it if he didn't, so it was left out of discussion. But the truth was that he really did want to go. He just knew how much of a hard time Rachel and Kurt both had with getting in. If they struggled, he couldn't even begin to imagine applying himself. Except he didn't need to because Kurt of all people did it for him. And he got accepted. He actually got accepted.

"I know I crossed like a dozen boundaries but…."

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up," Puck said, shaking his head. He met Kurt's gaze and nodded. "Thank you for this. As far as apologies go, this was pretty awesome."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Puck laughed quietly. He looked down at his leg. "I forgave you already, you know? I mean you were right. I was pretty horrible to you when we were freshmen."

"You were also right," Kurt pointed out. "You apologized and I said that I forgave you. And I think at the time I did. But I lost sight of that. I lost sight of a lot of things. I got wrapped up in being jealous of you for being so close to Finn and Blaine and Rachel…. I forgot that you were my friend too. So I'm sorry, Puck. I'm so so so sorry."

"It's okay," Puck said, finally feeling like he meant the words. He gave Kurt a brighter smile. "How about we start over?"

"Ignore everything that's happened between us?"

"More like actually move past all the stuff that's happened between us. Between Finn, Carole, Blaine and Rachel, it's safe to say that we're going to be in each other's lives. The least we could do is try and get along."

Kurt smiled softly. "Yeah, I suppose that we could try that." He stretched forward. "My name is Kurt Hummel."

"Noah Puckerman," Puck replied, shaking Kurt's hand.

It would never be perfect between them. But Puck was hopeful that they could at least put a token effort at getting along. As much as he loathed to admit it, Kurt and Blaine were getting married. Kurt was marrying someone Puck saw as a little brother. That meant that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that his little brother was happy. He tolerated Kurt for Finn. He would work on trying to actually like Kurt for Blaine.

"You know you're welcome to hang out for a little while," Puck offered. "Like you said, Rachel should be back soon. And Blaine will be home in another hour or so."

"You don't mind?"

"Nah," Puck replied, easing back on the sofa. "Give me something else to do other than watch bad daytime TV or the back of my eyelids."

"That sounds both fascinatingly boring and amazing at the same time."

"Rough day at school?"

"You have no idea."

Puck pushed the power button on the remote and turned to give Kurt his full attention. He shrugged. "Enlighten me."

Kurt gave him a tentative smile before launching into his day. Puck was surprised by how much he was actually enjoying the story. It was funny hearing Kurt's usual dramatics directed at someone else. He was so engaged in the story he missed Rachel coming in. She stood gaping at the pair for a solid minute or so before finally shrugging, pulling out her own vegan pizza, offering half to Kurt, and handing Puck his own meal. She then curled up on Puck's side, listening as well. Once Kurt was done, she launched into her own tale. Puck smiled wistfully as the two best friends slowly started to heal the divide between them. Rachel might've denied it but Puck knew her. He knew that she missed Kurt. She wasn't the only one.

Exactly an hour after Kurt first showed up, Blaine entered the apartment. He stopped short at the sight of Kurt sitting on the sofa laughing and joking with a comfortable looking Puck and Rachel. Blaine met Puck's gaze, confusion evident in his eyes. He gave the younger man a sharp nod. He would always believe that Blaine and Sam would be a better fit but he wasn't going to push it anymore. If Kurt was what Blaine wanted, well then Puck wasn't going to fight it anymore. He just wanted Blaine to be happy and for the first time since they started dating, Puck really, truly believed that Kurt could actually make Blaine happy.

Jake was so going to kill him.


	8. Jealousy

Sam had a new factoid to add to his ever growing mental file on post tragedy Puck: he was not a huge fan of crowds. Especially crowds determined to approach him and ask questions about previously mentioned tragedy. Sam knew the airport was going to be a test of Puck's patience (and theirs) but he really underestimated just how nosey people could really be. Correction he underestimated how nosey and rude some people could be.

"So help me, magical sky deity that looks after idiots, if one more person comes over here, I'm not going to be held responsible for my actions."

"Pretty sure that's not at all how that works, San," Elliot pointed out never lifting his gaze from the  _Rolling Stone_  magazine he picked up from somewhere. He definitely didn't have it when they got there and Sam didn't remember Elliot going to a newsstand at any point. He wrinkled his nose looking at the new addition to their inner circle. "Quit looking at me like that, Sam. Rachel was holding it for me in her bag."

"How the hell did you know what I was thinking?!" Sam asked, gasping dramatically. Puck laughed softly, pulling his baseball cap down and sinking further into his seat between Sam and Santana. Elliot continued to focus on his magazine but Sam could hear his snicker behind the Tina Fey covered pages.

"Seriously though, Santana, don't get us arrested before graduation day. Pretty sure you're not going to get any brownie points for that."

Santana glared in Elliot's oblivious and uncaring direction. "Why is he even here? Why are you even here?"

"Because with Dani gone, you all are officially my entire social circle. I literally have not spent more than a passing few minutes with anyone other than you people for the past six months. So it was either go with you or be bored off my ass for the next three weeks. I went with the lesser of two evils though I'm having serious second thoughts."

"Was he always this sassy?" Santana mused aloud. "I feel like this a new thing."

Elliot shrugged, finally peering over the edge of his magazine to regard the rest of their gathered friends. "Group consensus?"

"He's been this sassy since I met him," Puck admitted. The others nodded in agreement. Santana frowned, clearly not believing that Elliot's snark (which was in fact a thing a long time before he even met them) wasn't some new side effect of Puck being here full time. She was only stuck on the topic for a moment longer. That's when she directed her attitude to the tourist currently approaching the group with a camera already primed in her hand.

"No!" Santana barked. The woman stopped short in surprise. "How would you like it if people took pictures of you while you were waiting for a plane?"

She punctuated the point by snapping a picture of the now flustered woman. Sam bit on his lip to repress the urge to laugh. As Rachel once pointed out, laughter only encouraged Santana and then they would never get her to stop. One day, he was going to really need Rachel to take her own advice. He gave up the battle against the laughs when he heard Rachel's almost song like giggles erupt seconds before another flash joined Santana's.

"Et tu, Blaine?"

His best friend snorted, snapping another picture of the beyond flustered and embarrassed woman. Eventually she took the hint and retreated to where her own group of friends were trying to pretend that they didn't know her. Sam would've felt bad for her but he didn't. Because it was getting beyond ridiculous. Everyone was treating Puck like he was some kind of side show attraction. He knew their culture was prone to make a celebrity out of anyone at this point but they couldn't have found a more reluctant candidate. Unfortunately that seemed to make people even more determined to invade his space.

"You know I always thought it would be cool to be followed around by TMZ and paparazzi," Kurt murmured. "It's decidedly less fun than I thought it would be."

"That would be because they're all terrible human beings," Artie chimed in. The wheelchair bound man sighed heavily as yet another person made their way over to the group. Sam shared his frustration.

"Okay, listen up, people," Santana yelled, standing up on her seat and attracting attention from the other passengers waiting for their flights. "We get it. He's been on the news. You're fascinated. But he's still a human being and he's not interested in talking to you. Any of you. So if you continue to harass him, it's going to be a problem."

"Nothing like making threats in an airport," Puck said, rolling his eyes. He yanked on Santana's arm, pulling her down so that she was sitting next to him. That didn't stop the woman from glaring at anyone who even happened to glance in their direction. The fact that they were sitting in front of the sign announcing when the plane was boarding just made things awkward.

Eventually Elliot managed to distract Santana from her single minded pursuit of murdering everyone in the airport with her thoughts alone and the people around got the hint that they needed to back off. After that, the rest of the wait for their flight went smoothly. Especially since they got to board first given Artie's disability and Puck's celebrity status.

After helping Artie get settled in his seat, Sam looked around to see that most of his friends were already seated. Santana and Elliot were in the front row of the three seat aisle with their heads already bowed together, no doubt plotting something. Rachel and Puck were struggling with shoving her not at all regulation sized carryon in the overhead bin. Blaine was cuddled with Kurt in the front row of the two seat aisle. Sam felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight. He immediately cursed himself for the moment of weakness.

Blaine was not his. Blaine was marrying Kurt. Blaine was ridiculously happy now that Kurt was actually participating in this relationship. And Sam was happy that Blaine was happy. He really was. Even though it felt like a kick to the heart every time he saw the pair together, Sam truly was happy to see Blaine smiling and happy. One day, he might actually be able to say that without it feeling like a complete lie.

"Sammy, you plan on standing the whole flight? Because if you stand there any longer, they're totally going to assume you're a terrorist. I think the lady in the back row is getting twitchy." Sam blinked and turned the back. There was a woman who was watching him warily. He gave her a wan smile before sinking down into his seat beside…

"Puck? What are you doing here?"

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Looks like I'm sitting. I know that this is a concept you just mastered but I assure you it's a pretty common practice on an airplane."

"No, I know what you're doing physically. But I mean… why are you sitting with me? I thought you would want to sit with Rachel."

"She's occupied," Puck replied with a shrug. He nodded his head towards where Rachel was now seated in between Elliot and Santana. The trio were all leaned forward and that did not bode well for anyone.

"Oh," Sam murmured. "You know if you want to sit by Rachel that's fine. I can switch with her and let her sit here."

"You really want to ride the whole way sitting between those two? This Blaine thing has you even more messed up than I thought."

Sam flushed and threw himself headfirst into straight up denial mode. He was countered pretty much immediately. Just as he could see through the moments when Puck threw up that fake smile to deflect attention, Sam's darling best friend could do the same for him. Sam made a mental note to apologize to Puck later. It was really annoying having someone see through your shit all the damn time.

"Seriously, Sammy. Talk to me."

Sam slumped further into his seat. "It's stupid."

"No, challenging our elderly neighbors to wheelchair races is stupid. You struggling with your feelings for Blaine is not stupid. And it also doesn't get any easier bottling it all up and trying to pretend that it's not happening."

"I know but… it's just…. I thought that maybe… I don't know," he trailed off, shaking his head slowly. He had no idea what he wanted to say. "I just don't know."

"I do. You thought that Kurt being on the outs with everyone would eventually convince Blaine to leave him. You thought that could be your chance. But now he's back in the collective good graces of New Directions and he and Blaine are closer than ever."

Of course Puck would get it….

"That sounds really childish and petty when you lay it all out like that."

"Not childish or petty. You're in love with Blaine. And I know that he's in love with you too. But he also loves Kurt. There's nothing for you to do in this, Sammy. You just have to trust that someday Blaine will be able to recognize who he loves the most and go from there. For the record, I'm reasonably sure that he loves you more."

"That doesn't mean anything when he's with Kurt though, does it?"

"No, it really doesn't," Puck sighed. "But trust me, dude. You don't want to be the consolation prize. You don't want to know that your entire relationship is based on the fact that Kurt wasn't available because he was a dick or because of insert reason here. You want to know that Blaine chose you for you."

Sam's brow furrowed. Though he understood the sentiment behind the words, he was a little concerned with the tone of Puck's voice. It was almost like he was speaking from experience. And then it clicked for him.

"Rachel."

"Yeah, Rachel," Puck nodded slowly. "I know that we have this long history of being almost something. But every single time we could've been something more, she chose Finn. And now I don't know whether she's with me because she finally picked me. Or if she's with me because she can't ever be with Finn again."

"Puck…."

"I know she loves me. I don't doubt that. But I will always wonder. It's just going to be a thing I do. I don't want that for you or for Blaine."

Sam nodded, leaning into Puck. "I don't want that either. You're right. I definitely want him to choose me. But you're also wrong. Because I know for a fact that Rachel Berry is completely in love with you. And even if Finn were still here, she would pick you."

"And you know this how?"

"Because I've seen her with Finn and I've seen her with you. You get Rachel in a way that I don't think Finn ever really could. And you know Rachel is smart enough to get that. She knows the difference. It would've taken forever but you two were going to work it out. Somehow, someway. It just made sense."

"Same with you and Blaine. I don't know how or when but it will."

Sam gave him a weak smile. He wished he could be as confident about him and Blaine as he was with Puck and Rachel but experience was showing him otherwise. He didn't blame Blaine. He knew his best friend was in a tough situation. He was in love with two totally different people. That was not an enviable place to be. But at the same time, Sam didn't know how much more of this he could take. He didn't know how much longer he could wait. Blaine all but told him not to wait for him but how could he not? How could he try and move on when there was the slightest chance that they could be together in the future? He groaned, burying his head on Puck's shoulder.

"Yeah, I know, Sammy. But on the bright side, I'm always going to be here."

Sam snorted. "Same, bro. Same."

"And I'll be here for both of you," Artie chimed in. they both sat up to peer over the seats separating them from their friend. The other man smirked. Puck snickered while Sam tried to muster the urge to glare. He settled on narrowing his eyes and smiling.

"You've been listening this whole time?"

"You're not exactly whispering. The others didn't hear you because one, those guys are busy plotting the mutual destruction of someone. And two, Blaine and Kurt are watching  _The Notebook_. Again. Seriously, one of you make them stop."

"Tried," Puck and Sam muttered in unison. "They really, really love  _The Notebook_."

Puck straightened up slightly to get a better look at Artie. "You're absolutely sure that none of them know we're coming?"

"For the last time, dude, yes. Kitty and Jake are clueless. Mr. Schue is going to have them in the auditorium practicing. We're going to show up during their rehearsal and surprise them."

"Not that I'm against this whole surprise early visit thing but how did you pull this off without Kitty or Jake figuring it out? Did you use magic? You used magic, didn't you?"

Puck laughed. "No, we didn't use magic. Jake thinks I'm going to be meeting with advisors and registering for classes all day."

"And Kitty thinks I'm at an all-day film seminar."

Sam nodded, eyeing his two friends. "Still think magic would've been a better answer."

"Idiot."

* * *

Practice sucked. Or rather, practice when he hadn't heard so much as a peep from his brother all day sucked. He knew that Puck was supposed to be occupied all day but that didn't stop Jake from worrying. It wasn't his fault, okay? Seriously, he never gave Puck's comings and goings any significant amount of thought until the day he saw his brother crying at Finn's memorial. He knew his brother and Finn were close but it struck him in that moment just how close the two really were. It hit him then that his brother lost a part of himself when Finn died. And in that moment Jake saw what it would be like if he were to lose Puck. The paranoia started then. He researched and assured himself that Air Force was probably the safest branch of the military to join. Except for the part where it wasn't.

So Jake really didn't think that anyone could blame him for being slightly paranoid or constantly concerned about his brother. He would feel better once they were in the same state. When he would be living just down the hall from him. Puck already promised him a key to the apartment when he moved into Artie's apartment over the summer. So he could come and go as he pleased. All he had to do was get through these next few weeks. Puck would be here in two weeks for his graduation. He promised to stay in town for a few weeks afterwards and then they would return to New York together. Then Jake wouldn't be reduced to just phone calls and occasional Face Time conversations. He would have Puck right down the hall. He just had to get through these next few weeks.

"Alright, guys," Will called out, getting their attention. He was in his usual spot, sitting behind the desk in the seats of the auditorium. The backdrop was dimly lit as most of the glee club was gathered on the stage. "Let's run through  _Uptown Funk_  again. But this time let's try it with Jake. No offense, Spencer."

"Dude, none taken," Spencer muttered, happily slinking back to his seat to cuddle with an amused Alastair. Jake snorted before taking his place on stage with Roderick, Jane and a few of the Warblers (those boys really loved to dance).

When Will first suggested bringing New Directions back together, Jake was initially hesitant to agree. But the man was nothing if not persistent and he gradually got his way. At first it was just the McCarthy twins, Roderick, Spencer, Jane, Kitty and himself. Marley, Ryder and Unique were keeping their distance and it hurt at first but he was kind of over it now. The new kids were actually pretty good. Then there was a fire at Dalton Academy and soon the Warblers and New Directions were one super team. They crushed the competition.

Jake liked to think that they were a talented group when he first started… then he met these guys. He knew that New Directions would be in excellent hands once he, Kitty and Roderick graduated. Especially once Will figured out that Mason should definitely be the male lead of the glee club. Dude might have been weird as hell but he was beyond talented.

As the music started, Jake tuned out his worries about his brother and focused on performing. As was tradition it seemed, New Directions would be playing prom. So they were focusing on songs they would be performing at the dance. They sounded pretty damn good. The music ended and the gathered teens sitting in the audience cheered. Jake grinned. New Directions was definitely a lot more fun these days. But it wasn't just them. There was another round of applause and a few whistles coming from the seats up top. Whoever was up there was shrouded in darkness. Jake narrowed his eyes, straining to get a better look. Then he heard a familiar snort of amusement.

"Keep that up, little brother, and you're going to burst a blood vessel."

"Puck?!"

The lights turned on just in time for Jake to see his brother strolling down the steps towards the stage along with the rest of the New York crew. Artie was already on the ground level with a lap full of Kitty. Jake stepped forward with an incredulous smile.

"I thought you had to register for classes."

Puck tapped him on the cheek. "I lied. Surprise, kid."

Before Jake could wrap his arms around his brother, another pair of arms were pulling him away. Jake rolled his eyes at Kitty. "Really?!"

"Screw you, baby face. I haven't had a chance to hug my favorite Pucker brother in ages," Kitty retorted from where her face was buried on Puck's shoulder.

Jake rolled his eyes before moving to greet the rest of his brother's friends. Sam and Blaine each greeted him with manly hugs before passing him off to Santana and Rachel. And then finally, he felt a familiar grip on his arm tugging him into a very welcome pair of arms. He ignored the coos from the girls (and Blaine) as he let his brother hug him.

"You can hug back, you know? I'm not going to break, kid."

Jake hesitantly lifted his arms to wrap them around his brother and smiled as Puck's tightened his hold on him. Four months ago, Jake thought he was going to lose his brother and now he was here, standing on his own and almost back to his normal weight. He was almost back to the brother he remembered. And he was here. He wasn't talking to him over the phone or through Face Time. He was really here. Right now.

"What are you doing here?" Jake asked, not bothering to pull away. Puck laughed softly.

"Why do you think I'm here? Nationals is actually in Ohio this year. Your mom made it a point to tell me I would be disowned if I didn't make it here for that."

Jake found himself laughing as well. He knew he should let go. He knew that everyone was most likely staring at him and wondering what was happening. But he found that he couldn't. Because Puck was here. He was actually here.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jake. I'm here until it's time to take you back to New York. So you can let go for now." Jake nodded and slowly let go. He took a step back, meeting his brother's smiling face. "See? Still here."

"Yeah, I see," Jake grinned. Puck smiled brighter and wrapped an arm around him.

"So this is the new New Directions. Good group. You guys are even better than you were before," Puck pointed out. Jake agreed.

He glanced around the auditorium and smiled at his fellow glee club members. The former Warblers were all falling over themselves to talk to Blaine and Kurt. Jane and Mason were talking with Rachel and Santana. Kitty was once again on Artie's lap while she introduced him to Roderick. Alistair and Spencer were talking to Sam and Elliot.

"You really feeling okay?" Jake asked, quietly.

Puck chewed on his lip. "I'm getting there. Not going to lie, seeing you is helping a lot."

"So I'm not driving you insane?"

"Oh, no you and your damn text messages are driving me completely and totally insane," Puck countered. "But it also helps a lot. I don't tell you this enough. But thanks for being there, little brother. I don't know where I would've been if it wasn't for you, Sammy and Blaine."

Jake smiled, leaning into his brother. All the anxiety of the past few months faded away in that moment. His brother was on his way to recovering (mentally and physically). They weren't going to be separated anymore. Everything was as it should be. Well, not entirely everything.

"Don't think this means you're forgiven. You're still a traitor."

"Dude, I didn't sink the Blam ship. Also you have really got to stop shipping your friends, by the way. It's a little weird."

"Whatever," Jake muttered, narrowing his eyes at Kurt and Blaine standing entirely too close together for his comfort.

"Seriously, Jake. Relax. It's going to happen. I know those two almost as well as I know you. They're going to be together. It's just a matter of when."

"Yeah, but Kurt and Blaine have been doing this tired dance for like four seasons now. Isn't it about time that we let it die?"

"Seasons?" Puck asked, narrowing his eyes. "Seriously, even in this story?"

"Yeah, happens sometimes," Jake shrugged. "But back on topic here, you keep promising that Sam and Blaine are going to get together but I'm not seeing that. All I see is Kurt and Blaine getting closer and closer to setting an actual date. I don't have to tell you that's not going to end well, do I?"

Puck bit on his lip in the interest of not laughing. Jake knew his brother and he knew exactly what he was imagining. Kitty and Jake were far from the only ones in their inner circle that didn't approve of the ongoing Kurt/Blaine thing. He actually hoped the pair eloped if only to avoid the long line of people that would have more than a few objections during the ceremony.

"Take a chill pill, brother of mine. They'll get it together. You'll see."

"Okay," Jake sighed. He trusted Puck. Puck knew Sam and Blaine better than he did. So if he truly believed that they would eventually pull their own heads out of their asses and get together than he was going to let it go…. For now. But if they weren't together by the time he got to New York, Jake made no promises as to what was going to happen.

He met Kitty's gaze from across the room. Her eyes darted briefly in Kurt and Blaine's direction before meeting his again. They nodded in unison. Operation Blam was in effect the minute they touched down in New York.

* * *

Puck learned a new factoid to add to his ever growing mental file on his friends: Santana, Elliot and Rachel were never ever allowed to spend any amount of time together without proper supervision. Because apparently while Puck was busy reassuring Sam that everything would work out in time, those three were planning an intervention. It seemed that Jake and Kitty weren't the only two sick of the constant dance between Sam and Blaine. But while Jake and Kitty were willing to pull out all the stops to ensure that their "favorite couple" would be together forever, Elliot, Rachel and Santana just wanted the moping and pining to stop. That meant that Sam needed to move on somehow. This somehow led to them ambushing him the second they stepped in the door of Shannon's house.

Admittedly Sam was moping quite a bit since Blaine decided to spend the night at Kurt's place. Puck tried to point out that the likelihood of them getting on at the Hummel-Hudson household was slim to none. That, understandably, did not help Sam feel any better. So he was moping and probably weeping on the inside. That's probably why he didn't notice the Terrible Trio until it was too late. That's also why he was more susceptible to their terrible, terrible idea of helping him to move on. Because somehow they got it in their heads that the most effective way for Sam to move on from Blaine would be to find out for sure if he was partially into dudes or just Blaine-sexual. This led them to them hanging out at Scandals.

Of all the places Puck thought he would end up at when they got back to Ohio, the only gay bar within a fifty mile radius was definitely not it. But here he was, standing at the bar waiting for the bartender to take his order while keeping an eye on his friends. The newly minted Terrible Trio were dancing together, completely owning the dance floor. Sam was somewhere in the mix. The blonde was definitely on the receiving end of some not exactly unwelcome attention. Puck wasn't doing so bad himself. Hence why Rachel wrote the word TAKEN on his forehead in glow-in-the-dark lipstick. His sanity depended on not knowing where she got it from or why she even had it. At any rate, he was actually having fun. Sam was actually having fun and that was the important thing. He would endure whatever craziness those three pulled out of their deep well of insanity, if it meant seeing his best friend smiling.

"Puck?"

That was definitely not Sam or Elliot. That sounded a lot like Blaine. Blaine being the one person that Puck really, really did not think needed to be here right now. He swallowed before turning around slowly to see that Blaine was in fact standing right there with Kurt beside him. Lovely.

"What are you doing here? And why do you have the word taken on your forehead?"

Puck absently pawed at his forehead before forcing a smile on his face. "I, uh, figured you might come here because liked it so much when we lived here. And I, uh, I missed you. Like a lot." He reached forward and pulled Blaine into a hug.

"Aw, that's kind of sweet," Kurt said.

"It's also total bullshit," Blaine retorted pulling away from Puck. He took a few steps back, glaring up at Puck with that strangely intimidating look that someone his height shouldn't really be able to pull off. "What's the real answer?"

"Uh," Puck raked a hand through his hair and went with the more acceptable version of the truth. "Satan wanted to come here."

"Oh, so you're all here?" Blaine mumbled, looking like he wanted to be hurt about that even though he really didn't have a right to be. He was the one that agreed to date night with Kurt. What were they supposed to sit around and wait for him to hang out with them? "That's great."

"Yeah, it's great." Puck turned around, scanning the room for Sam. It would be best to grab the blonde and get the hell out of there before things got ugly. And then Santana was bouncing over to him with a wide smile and apparently completely oblivious to Blaine and Kurt standing right beside him. She was practically jumping up in down in glee (heh) prompting him to put his hands on her shoulders. "What the hell has gotten into you, Satan?"

"Sammy might be getting laid!"

"What? Here? Now?!" Puck forgot about Blaine and Kurt in that moment as he looked around again. He heard Santana scoff.

"No, idiot." He felt her turn him around until he finally spotted Sam sitting at one of the tables, head tilted towards the man sitting beside him. "So he's definitely 55:45."

"The hell does that even mean?"

"That's his gay to straight ratio. He's definitely leaning more towards dudes these days."

"So he's bisexual?"

"55:45."

Puck pursed his lips in thought. The guy definitely had a good looking profile. He looked like he walked straight off of a runway. It was hard to get a really good look at the guy because his head was similarly bent in Sam's direction. But Puck could make out dark brown eyes and curly black hair. Yeah, Sam totally had a type. It was then that Puck remembered Blaine.

"Oh," Blaine said, watching the same scene with understanding in his eyes. "That's great for Sam. You know? He deserves it. He deserves someone who…. Someone that can be there. He deserves to be happy." He raked a hand through his hair. "I need to get some air."

Puck cursed silently as Blaine spun on his heels and practically ran out the bar. He started to follow after him when he noticed Rachel and Elliot already on that path. Sam was now clued in that something wasn't quite right. Puck motioned for him to stay in his seat. Sam did so but with a frown on his lips. He knew that Sam wanted to follow Blaine but honestly this was getting ridiculous. This whole situation was just so stupid.

He loved both Sam and Blaine equally. They were his best friends, his brothers. That's why watching them do this stupid back and forth thing was kind of killing Puck on the inside. The two idiots were in love but in this case love wasn't enough. There was one thing stopping them from being together. And Puck was determined to put that to an end. Because he got it now. He understood. There was no way that either of them could ever be happy if Blaine married Kurt. There was no way that they would be happy with anyone that wasn't Sam or Blaine. He got it now. And it was time for Kurt to get it.

"This shit has got to stop, Kurt."

Kurt stared at Puck with wide eyes. "What did I do? I'm trying to fix it with him."

"Why?! It's broken. It's been broken for a while. And you're holding onto this broken joke of a relationship because you're scared to be alone!" Puck snapped. "Blaine is just… he feels guilty for cheating on you that one time. He didn't even sleep with the guy but he feels guilty. So he's going to stay with you because he hurt you."

Kurt swallowed. "Blaine loves me."

"He does. But he loves me. He loves Santana. He loves Rachel, Artie, Jake, Brittany… the list goes on. But he's in love with  _Sam_. He's willing to ignore that and marry you because he's a loyal idiot and too selfless to follow his heart which has been with Sam since their senior year! He's going to stay with you until the bitter, ugly, loveless end."

"I…"

"And I'm not saying this to be mean to you," Puck continued, ignoring Kurt's attempt at interrupting. "Because you deserve more than that, dude. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that's in love with you too. Blaine isn't in love with you. He's in love with Sam. And you know it. And you know that it's time to do the right thing and let him go."

"What let him go to Sam?" Kurt asked, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape. "Sam who won't even admit that he's gay. He's hiding behind the bisexual label because he's scared to commit."

Santana started to step forward but Puck held her back. "It doesn't really matter what you think about the subject, Kurt. Because the fact of the matter is Sam might like dudes and girls but he loves Blaine. And Blaine loves him. So stop kidding yourself, Kurt. This shit has gone on for far too long. Just let it go."

Kurt shook his head before leaving them as abruptly as Blaine did. Puck sighed, sagging against the bar. Santana wordlessly slipped her arms around his waist.

"If it's any consolation, you did the right thing. And you said it better than I would have."

"You would've mostly sworn and thrown stuff," Puck said, laughing softly.

"Exactly!"

They stood like that for a few minutes before Elliot and Rachel returned announcing that Blaine and Kurt went home. Apparently Blaine was "happy for Sam. Really. Totally happy" and Kurt was so mad, his face actually had some color on it. Puck has mentioned how much he adored both Rachel and Elliot, right? Because he did. He also loved the man walking over to them with a confused look on his face.

"That was Blaine, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, buddy. It was," Puck replied, sympathetically.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"That depends," Santana said, detaching herself from Puck. "Did you get that guy's number?"

"No."

"What the hell were you doing over there if you didn't get the digits?"

"We were talking about stuff," Sam muttered, barely audible over the music playing in the background.

"Oh, Sammy," Elliot sighed. "You had a hot guy right in the palm of your hand and you talked about your ongoing gay crisis? You're special."

"Was that bad?"

"Yeah, Sam. It was pretty bad," Santana shook her head. "Did you at least figure it out?"

"Yeah, I mean I felt something. He was hot. Like really hot. But… it's just that he was, you know. He wasn't…."

"He wasn't Blaine?" Puck suggested.

Sam groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, my god, I'm pathetic. I'm officially pathetic."

"You kind of are," Rachel said, patting him on the back. "So tonight has been a rousing failure all around. Want to just get out of here?"

"Sure but first, there's something I need to do," Elliot said.

"And that is?"

"Get that guy's number."

"But Sam isn't interested in him. He only wants Blaine!" Santana replied in a singsong tone. Sam flicked her on the shoulder.

"I didn't say I was getting it for Sam," Elliot winked, spinning on his heels and heading in the direction of Sam's jilted admirer.

"On the bright side, at least someone might getting laid on this trip!"

* * *

They didn't stay much longer after that. Elliot in fact did not get that guy's number leading to him sulking in the backseat of the car. Sam sat in the front next to Santana, enjoying her colorful commentary on driving in the rain. The storm hit out of nowhere. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky before they went into the bar. He supposed he should've made some poetic connection between his mood and the sudden rainstorm but his brain was way too overloaded for this. Because he really didn't know what he was supposed to do.

If he waited for Blaine to choose him, he was going to be miserable. It was hard watching Kurt be the one that got to hold Blaine, it was hard to watch Kurt be the one that got to kiss him. But if he tried to move on, Blaine would be miserable. And it wouldn't be right because Sam was always going to be in love with Blaine. He's loved him since senior year of high school and it's only grown the more time they spend together. There was no happy ending here. He sighed.

"You okay? Do we need to go back and get Puck?"

"No, I'm fine," Sam lied. "Let Puck and Rachel have tonight. Besides, Rachel's dads haven't seen Puck in like forever. I can bother him with my crap tomorrow."

Santana glanced at him out the corner of her eye. She chewed on her lip absently before nodding. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

That was all that needed to be said. The rest of the drive back to Shannon's house was done in silence. Sam welcomed it because it helped him to process the swirling mess of thoughts in his head. He thought this thing with Blaine would get easier over time. But it was only getting more and more difficult.

He was more than grateful when he saw Shannon's house up ahead. All he wanted to do was climb in and try and forget that the world existed for a little while. Santana parked their rental car on the front lawn before exchanging looks with the two men in the car. There was no way they were getting to the front door without getting soaked. They grinned. Might as well have some fun. They opened the doors with a loud whoop, grateful that they weren't likely to wake Shannon as she slept like the dead. They were soaked before they even got close to the front door. But Sam strangely didn't care. The rain felt liberating. Despite the fact that his clothes were practically plastered to his body, Sam felt lighter in that moment as he raced around the front yard with Santana and Elliot.

As sudden as his good mood arrived, it disappeared when he spotted the bedraggled looking figure sitting on Shannon's front steps. From the dim street lights, Sam could see that his best friend was shivering slightly. Kurt and Blaine left the bar barely ten minutes before them. He knew they spent a little time at Rachel's place when they dropped her and Puck off but seriously…. How long was Blaine sitting out here?

"Blaine?" he asked, stepping closer to his friend almost against his will. "Are you okay?"

Blaine ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "No, Sam. I'm really not. We need to talk."


	9. Definitely…. Maybe?

The tension in the car was suffocating as Kurt drove away from Scandals. Blaine wanted to break the silence and assure Kurt that everything was fine… but he couldn't. He couldn't find the words to keep lying because it wasn't fine. Everything was messed up and he was more than a little aware that it was mostly his fault. Okay, actually it was entirely his fault. He was the idiot that went and fell in love with two people. Or rather, he's the idiot that fell in love with one guy, cheated on that guy, broke up with that guy and then fell in love with another guy who was with another girl so he ignored his feelings and got back together with the first guy. Only those feelings weren't going away. They were getting stronger and harder to ignore with every passing moment of every passing day. Sam was kind of an addiction. .

Blaine really thought that with time, he could learn to deal with his feelings for Sam. But the more time he spent with Sam, the more he realized that loving Sam was easy. It was natural. He didn't have to put any extra effort into his friendship with the blonde. It was so easy that he didn't really understand until recently that was what a relationship was supposed to be. It wasn't until he saw Rachel and Puck together that he got it. They were so in tune with one another that they complemented one another. They made the other stronger and better. That wasn't the case with him and Kurt. Blaine thought about who he was in high school when he was with Kurt versus who he was after their breakup. He was remembered being terrified to audition for a lead role in the school play because he didn't want Kurt to be mad at him. That's not how a relationship should be. That's not what he wanted his relationship to be.

"Were you really going to do it?" Kurt asked, startling him out of his thoughts. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice that the car had stopped. Blaine glanced at his fiancé out the corner of his eye. Kurt was staring at something ahead. Blaine didn't bother to look up. "Were you actually going to marry me?"

Blaine shifted in his seat, staring at his hands. "Yes, I really was."

"Even though you're in love with Sam?"

"Even though."

Kurt laughed. It was not a happy sound. It was brittle and wounded and this is why Blaine avoided having this conversation. Things were so good in the past few weeks. They were back to the way things used to be between them. Or at least they were pretending. But pretending was exhausting. Especially when both people in the relationship were faking it.

"I don't know what's sadder… that you don't see why that's wrong or that a huge part of me wants to ignore everything and go through with it anyway."

"Kurt… I…"

"No," Kurt shook his head, cutting him off. That was for the best because Blaine had no idea what the hell was going to say. What he was supposed to say in this situation. "You could've broken up with me before… after everything with Puck. Or better yet, you didn't have to get back together with me in the first place. So why did you?"

"Same reason you got back together with me, I guess. I didn't want to be alone. I was falling in love with Sam and he was with Brittany and then that weird thing with the school nurse. And I wanted someone to help me ignore that. And I do love you, Kurt. You're my first love. At the time, I thought that was enough."

"And now?"

"Now, I know that it's not," Blaine answered. His voice cracked slightly. "I never wanted to hurt you. Not with Eli and not with Sam."

"You think marrying me while you were in love with your best friend wouldn't hurt me?"

Touché, Blaine thought.

"Besides," Kurt continued, not giving him a chance to reply. "I've been giving a lot of thought to what everyone's been telling me for the past few months. You're not the only one that made mistakes here. I… I pushed for this. I knew it wasn't right, that it wasn't working but you're right. I was scared to be alone. But Puck was also right about you. You're stupidly loyal. You really would've married me."

"I would've. Also remind me to kick Puck's ass later."

"You're not going to kick his ass because he was right," Kurt replied, laughing softly. "Plus you love him way too much to do that."

Blaine slunk lower in his seat, muttering something none too complimentary under his breath. Kurt laughed even harder. Jerk.

"So just for clarification purposes… we're breaking up, right?"

"Yes," Kurt answered. His voice was steady. Blaine turned to face him and saw that while he might hurting, he was at peace with the decision. "We're breaking up. But hopefully, we can stay friends?"

"Definitely," Blaine smiled.

"And I promise to actually be your friend this time around."

"You weren't that bad," Blaine assured him. Kurt gave him a look. He snickered in response. "Okay, so you were definitely not the most subtle friend ever but nonetheless you were still a really good friend, Kurt. One that I would be sad if I had to give up."

Kurt placed his hand over Blaine's. "Well then it's a good thing you don't have to give me up. And despite your endorsement, I know that my friend skills were severely lacking. So I'm hoping that I can try and be a better friend. Starting right now."

"What do you….?" Blaine trailed off as he finally realized where they were. "Shannon's house… I don't understand… Why are we here?"

"Seriously? You love Sam. You want to be with him. He loves you. He wants to be with you. Honestly, you two make sense together. Not to mention this is also where Puck is and he's your family. I'm really sorry that it's taken me this long to recognize that. This is where you belong."

Blaine smiled and shifted so that he was holding the hand Kurt still had on him. He squeezed his hand lightly before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. This was the most physical intimacy they had displayed with one another in a while. They both knew this was over. But Blaine wasn't wrong when he said that he didn't want to lose Kurt's friendship. He was a good friend.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Kurt whispered. "Now off you go! It's time for us both to get what we need and what we deserve."

Blaine hesitated with getting out of the car. "Where are you going now?"

"Now? I'm going to go separate Rachel from her boyfriend for the evening and force her to eat junk food and watch chick flicks with me. Then tomorrow I'm going to start figuring out what am I even doing with my life because I clearly have no idea!"

"You know I never wanted to hurt you with any of this, right?"

"I know. You're not. Trust me, this kind of pain is good. It's the kind that helps you grow. Besides if we did actually go through with the whole marriage thing… it wouldn't have ended well for either of us. We would've been miserable. At least this way, we stand a chance at being happy."

Blaine gave him a wider smile. "Yeah." He got out of the car but leaned through the open passenger window. "I adore you, Kurt Hummel."

"And I you, Blaine Warbler," Kurt laughed. "I'll see you later? I expect details!"

"Thursday at the Coffee Bean?"

"It's a date," Kurt paused. "Or not a date but…."

"I get it," Blaine assured him. "It's a date."

"Great. Good luck!"

Blaine gave him one last smile before stepping away from the car. He took a deep breath even as Kurt drove away. It was one thing talking about this in theory but it was another actually going through with it. For the first time in three years he and Sam were on the same page. They were in love with each other and unattached. It was perfect. And yet Blaine wanted nothing more than to call Kurt back and beg him to hide him for at least the night. He couldn't do this. What the hell was he thinking?!

"You going to stand here all night you coming inside?"

Blaine jumped at the sudden voice. He blinked up at Shannon who was giving him the same fondly amused look she used on Puck all the time. He smiled faintly in response. It was no secret that he didn't have the best relationship with his parents. So when Shannon all but adopted Puck, she took him at a buy one get three free price. She accepted Blaine, Sam and Jake as easily as she had accepted Puck. It was something he wasn't used to just yet but he would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate it.

"They're still out?"

"Yeah," Shannon replied, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and steering Blaine towards the house. "They said they were heading to Scandals."

"Oh, I know," he laughed bitterly, before launching into the story about the night's events up until this moment. In the end, they were sitting side by side on the porch steps. Shannon kept a steady arm around his shoulders and Blaine was grateful for the comforting weight there. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say."

"Say whatever comes to you. It's Sammy. You two have been attached at the hip since you were seniors. You're going to be fine." Blaine let out a shaky breath. Yeah, this was going to be fine. Shannon patted him on the back before rising to her feet. "Well, I have work in the morning so I'm going to lock up. You want to wait inside?"

"Nah, you gave Sam the key. I'll just wait out here. If I go inside I'm going to be tempted to hide. This way, I have no choice. Plus it'll give me a chance to figure out what to say."

"Just speak from the heart, Blaine. You two little dorks belong together. Everyone with a brain knows that." He smiled faintly. She walked to the door. "Last chance to come in. You know I sleep like the dead."

"Yeah, I know!" he ducked as she aimed a halfhearted swat to his head. "But yes, I'm sure. It's nice out. It'll be good to just think for a minute."

"Okay, goodnight, Blaine."

"Night, Shannon."

And for the second time that night, Blaine found himself alone with his thoughts. He pulled his knees up to his chest, thinking about the situation he was currently facing. On the one hand, he was going to finally confess his love to Sam with the knowledge that it was returned. He knew that he and Sam had the potential to be really good together. But, on the other hand, three years ago, he was certain that was the case for him and Kurt too. He thought Kurt was the one and he very clearly wasn't. But while their relationship was easily turned back into strictly friendship, Blaine didn't know if he and Sam could do that transition back to what they were. He didn't know if he could ever go back to just being Sam's friend if they crossed the invisible line between them and it didn't work. But he also knew he couldn't lose Sam. Not to mention what breaking up would do to Puck. They would have to split him like some kind of divorced kid. But this was Sam! That would never happen. But what if did?!

"I'm going crazy," he murmured to himself. "At least it can't get any worse than this."

He closed his eyes as he felt the first drop of rain hit him on his nose followed very closely by several more. Soon the previously cloudless skies were unleashing Mother Nature's wrath on them. He groaned. Because of course… of course! He curled up as best he could on the steps and sat in cold, shivering silence as he waited for the others to come home. He didn't have that much longer to wait. Twenty minutes after he first sat down to talk with Shannon, the rental SUV they picked up from the airport earlier that day pulled into the driveway. He cracked a small smile despite himself as the doors opened and Elliot, Santana and Sam launched themselves out into the rain.

He knew they didn't notice him at first as they were too busy darting around on the slippery grass enjoying the heavy rain. They were soaked the second they opened the doors. The thin white t-shirt Sam was wearing was plastered against his body and practically translucent. Blaine finally understood the appeal of wet t-shirt contests. Or maybe just the appeal of Sam in a wet t-shirt contest. Sam was beautiful and perfect and Blaine couldn't do this. Because he could not afford to let Sam go. Losing Sam would destroy Blaine. He knew that in that moment. He would rather live in horrible state of limbo than lose him by taking such a huge, stupid risk.

Blaine was prepared to sneak off the porch and call Puck to beg him to pick him up when Sam suddenly stopped short and met his gaze. Blaine sat up slightly straighter as Sam approached him hesitantly. Blaine shuddered and it had nothing to do with the chill that was setting in his body and everything to do with the man currently walking towards him.

"Blaine?" Sam asked, stepping closer to the porch almost against his will. Even with his hair practically glued to his head from the rain and the slight frown on his lips, Blaine couldn't help but think Sam was gorgeous. He couldn't lose this man. "Are you okay?"

Okay was such a subjective term. But Blaine knew exactly what Sam meant with that question just as he knew the answer. He ran a hand through his wet hair and shook his head. "No, Sam. I'm really not. We need to talk."

* * *

If there was one thing Rachel Berry knew to be true in this world, aside from the obvious fact that she was destined for stardom, it was Noah Puckerman. She knew the words that he didn't say. So despite the fact that he was all smiles and charm chatting with her fathers before they retired for the evening, Rachel knew something was off. Despite the obvious unpleasant ending to their evening, Rachel couldn't think of a reason why Puck was so tense. She chewed on her lip as she sat in the window seat of her bedroom while Puck got ready for bed. The rain was pouring outside now. She made a mental note to text Santana and make sure that they got home safely when a thought occurred to her.

"I am so sorry!" she blurted as Puck entered the room wearing a tank and shorts. He raised an eyebrow. "This is the first time you've been away from Sam since you got out of the hospital!"

He nodded, eyebrow still raised. "Yeah, but why are you sorry about that?"

"I just thought that maybe the reason why you seem off is because you miss Sam," Rachel replied, feeling a little silly when he continued to stare at her in disbelief. "But obviously that is not the case. So why don't you tell me why you're off."

"I'm not off," Puck scoffed, throwing his day clothes onto her desk chair and flopping down on the bed. Rachel didn't hesitate to join him. She crawled onto her bed, sitting so that she was resting by his hip. Her fingers traced the visibly still healing wound on his shoulder.

"Noah, aside from probably Santana and definitely Sam, there is no one on this earth that knows you better than I do. So please don't try to lie to me. I know something is off with you."

He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling for a few tense moments before sighing deeply. "It's just…. This whole Blaine and Sam thing. I went along with everything at first because it was fun. But it's not fun anymore. They're hurting. They're hurting each other and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think I can."

Rachel reached down towards his hand. She lifted it up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss there. "I wish I had an easy answer for this. I wish that Blaine could've taken the initiative and just broken up with Kurt while you were in the hospital. Maybe it would've been better that way."

"No," Puck shook his head. "It wouldn't. Sam thought the same thing but it wouldn't have been better. Because Sam would always think that the reason why he finally got what he wanted as because Kurt was a jerk and not because Blaine loved him more. I told him that he definitely doesn't want to go down that road."

Rachel nodded. That made sense. If Blaine and Sam had gotten together while Kurt was on the outs with the rest of the group, there would always be a lingering doubt about whether they were really together because they loved each other. If… when Blaine chose Sam over Kurt, there would be no doubt. That would be the ideal situation… if the idiots could ever get it together. She paused as she thought about the end of Puck's statement.

"You told him he didn't want to go down that road… but it sounds like you're speaking from experience."

Puck scoffed. "Do you and Sam share a brain or something?"

"No, just an incredible ability to see through your crap," she giggled as he grunted. She squeezed the hand she was still holding on to. "Talk to me, Noah. Why do you think that's the case for you? Does this have something to do with Quinn or…? Oh. It's us. You think that I'm only with you because Finn is gone."

Puck sat up so that he was facing her. He never let go of her hand. "Rach, I know that you love me. God knows that I love you too. And I don't want you to ever feel that I'm wondering about our relationship. I know where we stand. I know that you're with me and we're together forever, Rach, because you're my happy ending."

She smiled faintly. "Well as romantic as it is that you're quoting  _once Upon a Time_ to me, you're not entirely right here."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "I mean that… you don't have any reason to doubt whether it was you or Finn. Because it was you. It was always going to be you. I just… didn't get a chance to tell you that before everything went to hell."

He tilted his head to the side. "I don't understand."

"I'm sure you know all about everything that happened in New York two years ago," she said, rubbing circles his hand with the back of her thumb. He nodded, silently encouraging her to continue. She sighed. "I realized after everything with Brody and Finn that… I didn't want to be with either of them. Finn was never going to leave Lima, I knew that. Brody understandably wasn't the right one for me at all. Moreover, I just didn't want them. There was only one person that I knew would not just support me but also push me to grow and be better."

"Jesse?" Puck suggested with an embarrassed grin. She hit him on the shoulder. He smiled a little wider. "I know it's me. But if you knew this two years ago… why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Because you got back together with Quinn," she replied, quietly. "I was going to tell you when we came back to the school when the glee club was disbanded but I couldn't because you and Quinn and…. I never worried about losing Finn to Quinn. It was always you. I know how much history you have between you two. And I worried… still do… that one day Quinn was going to figure out how amazing you are and you'd be together forever."

Puck was silent for a few moments. She had no idea how she expected him to react but laughing was definitely not how she thought this was go. She started to pull her hand away from him when he used the grip to tug her into his arms. She settled into the familiar warmth of his embrace even though he provided a poor support given his almost hysterical laughter.

"You mind sharing the joke? Because I seem to be a bit out of the loop here."

"Babe, we're idiots!" he choked out. "All this time we've been letting Quinn and the ghost of Finn come between us. We're complete and total idiots. The only reason I got back together with Quinn was because I didn't think I had a chance in hell with you."

She bit her lip to repress the giggle that threatened to emerge. It was a futile effort. Soon they were both laughing holding on to each other, realizing for the first time that they weren't each other's second choice. They were number one and always had been. She didn't realize until he started talking how much she really did live in fear that Quinn would one day come between them. Now she knew. Now she really understood how much she meant to Noah Puckerman.

"We wasted so much time," she sighed against his cheek.

"Well, that's the joy of making mistakes and figuring them out while we're young," he pointed out. "We screwed up but now we have the rest of our lives to get it right. We won't make those same mistakes again."

"No, I suppose you're right," she smiled at him, leaning up for a kiss. "I still regret not having the courage… or the brains to just tell you how I felt sooner."

"Yeah, I mean think about it. We could've been married by now if you had."

"Married?" she squeaked, pulling away to look him in the eye.

"Rachel, I have been half in love with you since we were six years old. There isn't a part of me that doesn't want to marry you at some point in time. But I know how much your career means to you, so I'm willing to wait. Basically all you have to do is tell me when you're ready and I'm all yours, Rach. I have been since we were six and I will be until we're gone."

Rachel felt herself melt. This was what she wanted when she broke things off with Brody. She wanted someone who would think about her dreams and her goals and encourage her to pursue them. But she also wanted someone who wouldn't let her get lost in those dreams and forget the world around her. She leaned her head against his and smiled.

"Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm ready." Now it was his turn to pull away. She could see the hope in his eyes mixed with slight tilt of his mouth. She closed the small space between them to press a kiss against those lips. She shifted slightly, not away but far enough for him to hear her. "Noah Puckerman, will you marry me?"

"Are you for real right now?"

"You can't say things like that and not expect a girl to swoon, Noah," she chided playfully. "I'm not saying we get married tomorrow but I kind of like the idea of introducing you to people at NYADA as my fiancé. So what do you say? You want to let me put a ring on it so those skanky dance bitches at school know you're mine?"

Puck laughed loudly and brightly. She grinned up at him, watching him with amused eyes. It's been so long since she's seen him this relaxed... this at ease. It felt good know she was the reason he felt that way. Finally, he sobered and chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "Well, when you put it that way…. Yes, Rachel Berry. I will let you put a ring on it so those skanky dance bitches at school know I'm yours. But all they really have to do is look at me. I've always been yours." He kissed her forehead. "Also you're not allowed to spend time with Santana anymore. It's clearly murdering your vocabulary."

Rachel giggled before pushing him down on the bed and straddling his waist. His arms moving up to hold her close. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. They sat in silence for a few moments before she felt him laughing again.

"What?" she asked, already amused.

"We seriously just got engaged," he answered with genuine awe in his voice. She sat up somewhat propping her chin on her hand so she could see him better. "Four months ago, I thought I was going to die. And now I'm engaged to the woman I've loved most of my life. I'm going to NYADA for music like I've always wanted. I'm living with the best friends I could've ever asked for. It just really different from where I was four months ago. It just caught up to me, that's all. Sorry."

"Do not apologize," she ordered sternly, brushing her hand against his cheek. "You're right. You're a long way from four months ago and we still have even longer to go. And I'll be right by your side the entire time."

"Oh, you will?"

"Yes, I will, Noah Puckerman. Is this okay with you?"

"Sounds great, Rachel Berry."

"I like Rachel Puckerman so much better," she grinned. He arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I think I like that too." She let her fingers dance across the sharp planes of his face. He was starting to gain back the weight he lost after everything but he was still a work in progress. He still had some ways to go. And she would be there every step of the way. "I'm always with you, Noah, because you're my happy ending."

He surged up meeting her with a kiss more passionate than the others they had shared through the last few months. They both agreed to take it slow and had held on to that. But right now, in the wake of realizing how much time they lost because they both failed at communication, slow was not on the agenda. They had the rest of their lives for slow. Tonight, she was going to be selfish and she was going to…. Answer the damn door.

"Are you kidding me?!" Puck shouted, flopping down on the bed. Rachel patted his chest in agreement before adjusting her clothes. She was halfway to the stairs when she realized that he was following her. At her questioning look, he shook his head. "It's almost two o'clock in the morning after Sam and Blaine just broke each other's hearts for the thousandth time. It's most likely one of them. I'm actually surprised that Sam let me go."

"I am too," Rachel snorted, making her way to the door. "He kept looking back at the house through the side mirror. It was sad yet kind of funny."

"You're twisted, babe. I love it."

Rachel was tempted to let whoever was still ringing the bell stand out there all night. But it was raining and probably chilly. And Puck was right. It was most likely either Blaine or Sam. It wouldn't be fair to either of them to keep them waiting. She opened the door and did a double take because that was neither Sam nor Blaine.

"Kurt?" Puck questioned, even as he pulled their friend into the house. "What the hell are you doing out in that storm?"

Kurt didn't answer. He merely shivered. His eyes were red but there was a visible weight lifted off of his shoulders. He sighed, raking a hand through his soaked hair. "I did it."

"What exactly did you do?"

"In the immortal words of Elsa, I let it go. In this case, it would be Blaine."

Rachel exchanged a confused look with Puck. "Huh?"

"You know the saying, 'if you love something, let it go'? Well I did that. I let Blaine go. But I swear if he tries to come back I cannot be held responsible for my actions."

Puck held up a hand as he tried to obviously piece together what Kurt was telling them. "You and Blaine broke up?" Kurt nodded. Puck's brow furrowed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, surprisingly. I didn't think it would feel good to have it be over but it does. You were right, Puck. Blaine and I should've ended this a long time ago. But better late than never, right?"

"Yeah," Puck glanced down at his hands before letting out a deep breath. "Where's Blaine now?"

"Relax," Kurt grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. "I left him at Coach Bieste's place. The others weren't back yet but I'm assuming they're there by now. With any luck, they'll be Facebook official before Jake wakes up in the morning."

Puck laughed, shaking his head. "Kurt, I know that this sucks… but you did the right thing. I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of me too."

Rachel smiled at both of her boys. This was all she wanted out of life. To have the love she deserved and to have him get along with Kurt. Still there was a tradition that needed to be upheld. And even though she and Puck were in the middle of something themselves, she owed it to Kurt to be there for him. Thankfully, she had the best boy… fiancé in the world.

"I'm going to let you two do your thing. If you want me, I'll be crashing on the sofa," Puck grinned. "If I'm really lucky, I can con either Satan or Elliot into live texting their conversation."

"I'm pretty sure you won't have to con them," Kurt pointed out. Puck nodded before blowing Rachel a kiss and saying his goodnights. Rachel watched him go with a dreamy smile on her face. A smile she didn't catch until Kurt cleared his throat. She gave him a sheepish grin in response. He nodded. "That's what I was missing. It's been awhile since I looked at Blaine like that. It's been awhile since Blaine and I were anything like you and Puck. You got a good one, Rachel. Don't let him go."

She smiled softly to herself thinking about what they just talked about. No, she definitely wasn't letting Puck go anytime soon. She made a mental note to start shopping for rings in the morning. She meant it when she said she was ready to marry him. It was different than her engagement with Finn. Then, he was just trying to hold on to her. Puck just wanted the world to know that he loved her. He didn't want to hold her back or tie her down. He wanted to share his world with her. And that's all she wanted too. Definitely looking for rings in the morning. But for now….

"So you want  _The Notebook_  or  _Into the Woods_?" she asked, looping an arm around his. Kurt hummed thoughtfully.

"You know, I'm actually in the mood for something funny. Let's watch  _Pitch Perfect_."

"You know Noah is going to make his way down there at some point. He can't resist singing along."

Kurt grinned. "I know."

Rachel gave him a look before pressing a kiss against his cheek. "I'm proud of you too, Kurt. And thank you."

"Thanks for not giving up on me when I was acting like a jerk."

"I sent a girl to a crack house once. I literally have no room to judge anyone for having a long term selfish moment."

"Oh yeah," Kurt said, laughing. She nudged him on the shoulder and led him down the stairs to the theater room. Sure enough, not twenty minutes into the movie, Puck was hovering in the doorway, quietly singing along to the audition scene. He stood there until Kurt ordered him into the room (but not before retrieving three pints of ice cream from the freezer). By the time the riff-off happened, all three of them were singing along loudly and without care.

As much as it sucked that Kurt's engagement was over, Rachel couldn't help but be happy. Because this was the Kurt she missed while he was with Blaine. She missed her friend who didn't mind being silly or goofy and just wanted to hang out. For the first time since she heard the horrible news about the shooting at the base, Rachel felt like she could truly breathe. Because now they could be the way they were always meant to be. They could be the family they always claimed they were but were too caught up on their old petty bullshit to be much concerned about getting along. But now there was nothing between them. They were finally past all the drama. Rachel giggled as Kurt and Puck took turns pretending to be the Bellas and the Treblemakers. She really wondered if she be concerned that her boyfriend insisted on being a Barden Bella or not.

At any rate, things were looking up from here on out. Really, the only way this could go wrong would be if Blaine and Sam screwed it up and didn't get together after everything. But there was no way that was ever going to happen…. Right? She paused for a moment considering who she was actually thinking about.

"Oh god, they're going to screw this up so bad."

* * *

"No, Sam. I'm really not. We need to talk."

Sam bit his lip at those words. Blaine didn't look happy. Actually, he looked pretty damn miserable and Sam knew that it had little to do with the rain that was soaking him through. He felt his stomach twisting into knots. Everything in him wanted to walk straight past Blaine and into the house where it was warm, dry and safe from potentially world ending conversations. Instead, he let out a quiet sigh and sat down on the porch beside Blaine. Distantly, he heard Santana and Elliot announcing that they were going inside but Sam didn't respond. Instead he sat stiffly beside Blaine, terrified to say anything. He was scared to speak, to move… to do anything. He didn't know what Blaine was there to say.

And so they sat in tense silence. It was never tense between them… or rather it wasn't until this  _thing_  between them surfaced. Then it got tense and weird. He hated it. Everything would be perfect if he could just stop being in love with Blaine. If he could just see Blaine the same way he saw Puck. If they could just go back to the way they used to be in high school. Wait, no, Blaine was in love with him in high school and then Sam went through that whole thing with the nurse which was just a way of trying to avoid thinking about Blaine (it didn't work). He sighed. He really needed to just get over Blaine. Starting right now, he was going to get over this thing with Blaine Anderson.

"Kurt and I broke up."

Sam swallowed at the surge of hope and anxiety that flooded his system with those four little words. That was not the way to react when your best friend (love of your life) announced that he broke up with his fiancé (the competition). He should be supportive. He took a deep breath and moved his arm so that it was resting on Blaine's arm.

"Oh," he finally murmured. "Are you okay?"

Blaine snorted. "I thought we just established that I was not."

"Right," Sam rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. "Did you… is this because of what happened at Scandals?"

He regretted the words the second they left his lips because why? Why the hell did he have to bring Scandals up at all? Because yeah, of course this had something to do with Scandals! He wasn't blind. He saw the look of hurt on Blaine's face when he was talking to that guy. And Kurt wasn't an idiot. He probably saw it too. Oh, god. What if Kurt finally had enough and dumped Blaine because he couldn't take this ambiguous thing between Blaine and Sam? What if Blaine hated him for being the reason why he was suddenly single?

"Did you hook up with that guy?" Blaine asked, cutting into his thoughts. Sam glanced at him out the corner of his eye. His best friend was absently picking at one of the store manufactured tears on the knee of his jeans.

"No."

"Did you want to?"

Sam contemplated how to answer that before deciding that honestly was just the best way to go from here. They were in some strange place but he had a feeling that whatever was happening between them was going to be resolved before the night was over… one way or another. He fought the shiver that had nothing to do with the cold.

"Yes and no," he answered at last. Blaine tilted his head towards Sam with a raised eyebrow. Sam smiled weakly. "Yes, because he was gorgeous and he really liked me and I kind of liked him too. But no because… because he… wasn't… because he wasn't you."

Blaine let out a wounded sound that had Sam reaching for him immediately but the shorter man reared back, creating a gap of space between them. Sam frowned.

"Blaine, you said you wanted to talk but this isn't talking."

"I'm scared," Blaine admitted.

"Of me?" Sam asked, heart dreading that answer. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"No, idiot. I'm scared of… this," Blaine retorted, motioning the space between them. "I'm afraid of this thing between us."

"Why? I mean why are you scared now? It's always been there. It's never bothered you before…. right?"

"Right. But it's just that… it's growing. It's changing. And it's starting to scare me. Because next to Puck, you're the most important person in my life. I'm not sure I want to risk losing you as my best friend just to see what we could be."

Sam bit his lip. He totally understood where Blaine was coming from. Blaine and Puck were the two most important people in his life. He knew it was different for Puck. Puck had them but he also had Santana and Rachel. Puck wasn't as dependent on them as they were with each other. But that was also because they had the thing… really had to just call it what it was. They had the whole in love with each other thing going on. Puck didn't have that with either of them. He loved them but he wasn't in love. Although….

"Puck and Santana."

"What?"

"Puck and Santana dated for almost a year in high school. They were best friends and they crossed the line."

"And it damn near destroyed their friendship," Blaine pointed out. Sam winced.

"Yeah, but it didn't kill it. If anything I think it made them stronger. Look at them now. Puck is with Rachel and he's happy. Santana is happy for him. And they still hang out and snuggle and it's not weird. They're stronger than they were before. They didn't fall apart because they broke up." He waited as Blaine processed that thought. He watched as his best friend's brown eyes flickered briefly towards that tear in his jeans before finally meeting Sam's gaze shakily. Sam hated the wariness he saw there but he knew this conversation needed to happen. Maybe they could find some sort of peace after this.

"You think that could happen with us?"

"Maybe," Sam shrugged. "But honestly, I'm kind of hoping that we don't break up." Blaine gave him a look though the full effect was ruined by the slight tilt of his lips. "Blaine, I can't promise that we will stay together forever. I know that I want that but I can't say that we will. But there is one thing that I absolutely can swear to you without any doubt in my mind."

"What's that?"

"That I'm always going to be with you," Sam said, knowing in his heart that it was true. He flashed him a smile. "I'm with you until the end of the line."

Blaine snickered, rolling his eyes. "So I'm the Bucky to your Captain America, huh?"

"Yeah, but let's not wait seventy years to be together, okay?" Blaine shifted somewhat closer but not close enough. Sam reached out to hold his hand. This time Blaine let him. Their hands fit together seamlessly, fingers tangled together like they belonged together. And they did. He knew they did. "Blaine, I promise you that if we cross this line and it doesn't work, we're going to be okay. But I'm pretty sure this is going to work because we're awesome together."

"You do have a point," Blaine mumbled, his eyes focused on their joined hands.

"Nothing has to change. We're still going to be us. We're going to hang out with Puck and watch comic book movies and  _Doctor Who_  and be nerdy together. We're still us. Just with kissing." Sam paused. "There will be kissing, right?"

Blaine arched an eyebrow again before finally giving Sam the smile he loved so much. Sam felt warmed just by looking at that smile. He squeezed Sam's hand, still smiling softly. "Yeah, I mean I hope there will be kissing."

"Awesome," Sam grinned. He knew that his smile was just a touch too wide and totally goofy but he couldn't help it… he didn't want to help it. He was just handed the thing he literally wanted the most out of life for the past three years. He was going to be goofy if he wanted.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"That was your cue."

"My huh?" Sam muttered, feeling his brow furrow in the thought. Oh! His cue! He missed his chance to make his move. What the hell?! He wasn't this bad with any other relationship. But that was just it. This was Blaine. This was different than every relationship he's had in the past. Everything with them was natural and a little too effortless. Two minutes after they finally agreed that this thing could be an actual relationship and Sam was already messing it up. No wonder Blaine was hesitant to start something with him. He was shaken out of his thoughts at the sound of Blaine's amused laugh.

"You're an adorable idiot," Blaine mumbled, brushing his free hand against Sam's cold cheek. "And I'm glad you're mine now. I love you, Sam Evans."

Sam didn't have a chance to reply in kind as there were suddenly a pair of warm lips pressed against his. Neither of them moved. They sat and enjoyed the change in routine for the two of them. Sam had imagined kissing Blaine a thousand times during the years but none of them came even remotely close to this moment. None of them came close to this kiss. He shifted his hips closer to Blaine, lifting a hand to run his fingers through Blaine's still damp hair like he always wanted to do.

Blaine sighed against Sam's lips prompting the blonde to deepen the kiss. He tilted his head to the side and opened his mouth, content to explore everything that made Blaine who he was. He could taste the ridiculous fruity drinks he favored whenever they were drinking. Sam could even taste a hint of the mint gum Blaine was chewing before they showed up at Scandals. There was something else there. Something else that was all Blaine. And Sam wanted it all. And he knew that he could have it too. Just not right at this moment because breathing was becoming a problem. Stupid breathing. He pulled away, ignoring the breathy moan they both let out as they separated.

"Hi," Sam whispered, resting his forehead against Blaine's.

"Hey," Blaine laughed, pressing a soft kiss against Sam's cheek. "This is going to sound really stupid, just so freaking stupid, but can we take this slow? I mean I kind of did just get out of a five year relationship. So slow?"

"Yeah, of course," Sam shook his head. He didn't care what Blaine wanted from him. as long as it was clear that Blaine was with Sam and nothing short of a zombie apocalypse was going to separate them. And even in that case, they had a plan. "We can take this as slow as you want. Is kissing and cuddling too fast?"

"Nope," the smile Blaine flashed was almost blinding. "Sounds perfect to me."

"Awesome," Sam leaned in, meeting Blaine's eager lips for another kiss.

This one was definitely different from the slower, tentative kiss from before. This one was passion and about three years of frustration let loose. Sam admits that he may have lost track of time for a moment or two. That's the only excuse he had for why Blaine was suddenly straddling his legs while Sam's hands were tracing rather intimate patterns underneath Blaine's shirt.

"What happened to slow?" Sam asked, even as Blaine started to press a trail of kiss down his neck. He tilted his head to the side to give his best friend… boyfriend more room to work.

"Screw slow," Blaine murmured, leaning up to kiss him again.

"Works for me," Sam mumbled against his lips. Blaine shifted forward on his lap causing them both to groan. Yeah, slow was definitely not happening today. He felt Blaine's hands moving up his chest. His own hands were dipping into the waistband of Blaine's jeans. And then the porch lights came out.

Both Blaine and Sam yelped at the sudden flood of light pouring over them. Sam leaned his head back, not at all surprised to see Santana leaning against the front door with a smirk that the Cheshire cat would envy. He let out a small groan when he saw her newfound partner in torturing the hell of Sam standing beside with a similar expression.

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?" Blaine grumbled, his face buried on Sam's shoulder.

"Is it too late to give Elliot back to wherever we got him from?"

"Unfortunately yes," Blaine replied, sitting up and glaring at the pair still lingering in the doorway. "Santana really likes him. He's her new shiny toy. I think she would murder us in the face if we gave him away."

"Can we give Santana away?"

"No, Puck would pout and be really sad if we did. Trust me, I've thought about it."

They both ducked as what looked like Santana's shoe went flying past their heads. They turned in unison to face their pissed off friend. She arched an eyebrow before finally joining them on the porch steps. Elliot took a seat on the swing behind them.

"I'm really happy that you two pulled your heads out of your collective asses and are together," Santana started. "But just know that I will straight up murder you both if you ruin this. I love you both and I don't want you to hurt each other. Okay?"

"We won't," they promised in unison.

"Great. Now can you two please move the potential dry humping inside? As much as Shannon adores us, I don't think she's going to love knowing that you two were trying to make Blam babies on the stairs leading to her front door."

"Why do we like her again?" Blaine muttered.

"I'm wondering that myself," Sam retorted. Blaine shifted off his lap (damn cockblocking friends) and rose to his feet slowly. He held a hand out to Sam who took it gratefully and allowed his boyfriend (heehee) to help him up. Once he was standing, Sam used their still joined hands to tug Blaine into his arms. The shorter man went willingly.

"Ah, you two are just so cute. Like a human cavity," Elliot cooed sarcastically.

"Wow, not getting any makes you bitter," Sam laughed at the dark glare Elliot was throwing his way. Blaine snickered as well.

"Who was Elliot trying to get some from? You haven't even been in Lima for a whole day yet, you hussy!"

"He was trying for Sammy's reject," Santana answered, giggling slightly at Elliot's grumbling in the background. "Oh, it was for the best. That dude was clearly a Blaine clone. And it was going to be hella awkward waking up to that."

"I wouldn't know," Sam said pointedly.

"Oh, like you two are going to be all over each other the second we get back inside," Santana scoffed. She stood up, rubbing her hands on her jeans as she did so. "Well, I'm officially bored now. Trouty Mouth and Hogwarts are together at last. The midget and Puckerman are going strong. I'm officially out of things to do or care about while we're in Lima."

"You could always work on finding someone for Elliot," Blaine suggested with a completely fake innocent smile on his face. Elliot hissed in their direction even as Santana turned a thoughtful look his way.

"You might be on to something there," Santana nodded, still eyeing the increasingly more nervous Elliot. "Yes, it's official. You're my new project. Come on, Gilbert. We're going to get you a man!"

Santana marched up the stairs, pausing only to grab a protesting Elliot by his shirt. Sam stifled a laugh as he heard Elliot switch from rational counterarguments to straight up whining. He laughed before facing Blaine once again.

"Where were we again?" he asked with a small smile. Blaine pulled him into the house, locking the door behind them. Sam let Blaine lead him to the sofa where they fell together in a tangle of limbs that was a combination of endearing and really hot.

"I believe we were right here," Blaine whispered before kissing him again. Sam could live the rest of his life kissing this man every day and need nothing more (well, other than Puck's happiness but that went without saying).

It seemed that the minor interference from Santana and Elliot did nothing to tamper down on the heat between them. Just as Sam was contemplating whether Shannon would forgive them for at least moving to the sofa, he heard his phone ringing in his discarded shirt pocket. It was a very distinctive ring. It was the one assigned for Puck. Blaine pulled back immediately and without protest. He saw the concern building in his boyfriend's eyes as well.

"Puck? What's wrong?"

He heard Puck laugh and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding onto that moment.  _"Something needs to be wrong for me to call my best friends?"_

"No, but I thought you were with Rachel. I didn't think you'd want to be bothered tonight," Sam shrugged. He settled back down on the sofa, still pleasantly tangled up in Blaine. "Why are you calling anyway?"

" _I believe congratulations are in order. Along with a hefty dose of 'it's about damn time, losers. I'm going to assume Blaine is there. Hey, Blaine!"_

Blaine laughed, pressing the speakerphone option on the phone. "Hey, Puck. Why are you calling and how soon can you go away?"

" _Is that anyway to talk to your best friend? Besides, I'm doing you guys a favor and giving you a heads-up. Aren't you at least mildly curious as to how I know you finally got together?"_

"I assumed you knew because Kurt was there."

" _Wrong. Actually Rachel and I were pretty sure you two were going to screw this up. Kurt had faith in you two though. So there's that."_

"Thanks, asshole," Sam groused. "So how'd you find out if it wasn't through Kurt?"

" _Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Elliot_ ," Puck replied, clearly fighting the urge to laugh.  _"Also I get that you guys are in the honeymoon phase and all but seriously? We all use those steps, bros. I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life wondering if that suspicious stain on the porch is white paint or…."_

"Okay!" Sam cut him off, hating that he was blushing. Hating that Puck probably knew he was blushing. "Please tell me he didn't post a picture of us making out on Facebook."

" _I could tell you that but I try not to lie these days. My karma is clearly jacked up enough without purposely going against it."_

"So if you saw it then by now….."

" _Oh, yeah,"_  Puck laughed this time. Sam usually felt pretty good hearing his best friend laugh that freely. But right now he was annoyed. Because if Puck was looking at pictures of them making out on Facebook, then that meant so was his pain in the ass mini me. " _Don't worry. I'll be back first thing in the morning to drag him off to school."_

"You really think he's going to wait until morning?"

" _I made it worth his while to wait until the morning,"_  Puck said. "I  _gave him something a little bigger than you two finally getting together. But it wasn't that big. Can't hold him off indefinitely. So please make sure to give him breakfast."_

"Yeah, yeah," Sam muttered. "You're an ass, I hope you know that."

" _I do. And I love you both."_

"Love you too, jerk," they muttered in unison before ending the call. Sam looked at the time. Morning was a lot closer than they thought. He let his head slump back against the pillows.

"I hate our friends," Blaine griped against his neck. Sam snorted.

"You mean our family. You hate our family."

"Uh huh," Blaine replied around a yawn. He shifted so that his head was tucked under Sam's chin. "I hate those jerks."

"Me too," Sam yawned as well. "But I love you, Blaine."

"Love you too, Sammy."

Sam heard a camera click somewhere in the background but he was far too warm and cozy to care. He had the man he loved snuggled against his chest. His best friend was well on his way to mentally recovering (and apparently had some news of his own to share). And for once all of his friends were on the same page. He could care less what Elliot and Santana were up to at the moment. Everything was awesome.


	10. At Last

Jake would like the record to show that he was not a complicated kind of guy. He only had a few burning desires and wishes from this world. He wanted his mother to find a job that she loved and that brought her joy. And she did. She worked her way up from waitress to manager. The promotion made her happy. She was still stressed all the time but Jake knew it was the happy kind of stressed. She enjoyed her work and that made her practically glow. Jake didn't want much more out of life than that. Well, except for one thing. He wanted the same thing for his brother. He wanted Puck to have happiness, love, and a job where no one was attempting to murder him in his sleep. His acceptance to NYADA put Puck one step closer to the latter but his love and happiness always rested with one Rachel Berry. The same Rachel who would be Jake's sister-in-law one day. And while he pretty much always knew that was going to happen, it still made him more than a little giddy to know that his brother and one of his favorite people in the world were engaged. Combine that with Blaine and Sam finally getting their act together, and Jake was on metaphorical Cloud Nine. He would probably say or do anything at this point because he was just that damn happy.

And that's exactly what landed him in this situation in the first place. Had he been a little less giddy over his favorite ships finally making progress in their romantic lives, he would've recognized the obvious trap he just walked into. But he didn't. He was still buzzing off the sugar high that came from breakfast at Shannon's house where Santana and Elliot treated him to a recap of Sam and Blaine's dramatic coming together over Blaine's dangerously sweet chocolate chocolate-chip pancakes. That was then followed by Puck picking up Jake and the stray Kitty that appeared over breakfast to drop him off at school and promising that he would be there after glee to take them with him to help him find a ring for Rachel to make it official. Yeah, he was definitely riding a serious emotional high. That was the only explanation for the words that came out of his mouth.

"I'll take your sister to prom."

He was so sure of his words at the time. So certain that it was the right course of action. He was like Cupid. He was helping True Love find its way. Mason just wanted to spend some time with Jane. And it was prom. It was a time for romance and love. Okay, so historically that hasn't been the case for mostly everyone in New Directions but damn it, if there was ever going to be a time it was going to be now. Jane and Mason were all sorts of adorable together. And if asking Madison to prom could help them move past the adorable soft smiles in the hallway stage of their budding relationship, Jake fully volunteered as tribute…. Except he really didn't think this one through that well at all. Because while he was sort of friends with Mason, Jake couldn't think off the top of his head of one conversation he had with Madison that didn't consist of "hi" or "bye" exclusively. And in that order. Still, he couldn't back out now. He promised. Besides he was smooth. He had game. He could totally convince Madison to go to prom with him.

"Hey, Madison," he greeted, sliding next to her as she stood at her locker, putting away her books before practice. Hazel eyes flickered in his direction before her mouth turned slightly upwards. "So, I was thinking…."

"Yes, Jake, I'll go to prom with you," she said, rolling her eyes with a smug twist to her lips. He must have looked as confused as he felt as she laughed softly, closing her locker. "I can only assume Mason begged one of you guys to take me to prom so I couldn't horn in on his date with Jane."

"Uh," Jake floundered.

"I have to admit I'm surprised it was you. I really thought Roderick would've been the one to cave first. But I guess he's more afraid of me than I originally thought."

Jake held up a hand, shaking his head gently. "Okay, hold on a second. You knew?!"

"Of course, I knew," Madison retorted, though he saw the smile growing. "Mason is the least subtle guy in the world. He likes Jane. A lot. And she likes him back. I get that. And I know that he thinks I'm smothering him." She paused, lips twisting into a frown. "I get why he thinks that way but it doesn't matter. I figured he would pull something like this. And I finally realized that I'm going to go along with it because… despite what he thinks, I don't want him to be miserable. So if me going to prom with one of you would help him feel better… I'll do it."

"Have you ever tried telling him any of that?"

"Yeah, right. Mason will never see me as anything other than his overbearing sister," she sighed softly. "I can't help it. He's younger than me. I always had to look out for him. It's just that… our mother. She… she loves us. I know she does. But she didn't want children. She wanted performers. She was so busy signing us up for singing or dancing lessons that she didn't always notice when we were hungry or needed money for school supplies or when Mason would come home with bruises because the kids at school thought, and still think, that he was 'too weird." I had to step in and be the mother we both deserved. And because of that, I lost a chance at being a sister to my own twin."

"That sounds… rough," Jake admitted, leaning against the lockers beside hers. She surprised him by closing her own locker and slumping against it as well. What surprised him the most was seeing the sadness reflecting in her eyes and the pit that formed in his stomach at the look. The pit that was urging him to do or say anything to fix it. To make it better.

"It's difficult. But I don't mine. Really. I had to. Mason, he's not... he's like this bright, shining star. And sometimes I feel the world is trying to snuff him out. They're trying to take away everything that makes him who he is. And I want to protect him from that but I just come across as this psycho beast of a sister."

Jake snorted, earning a somewhat wounded look. Madison started to move away when Jake caught her wrist gently, trying to rush and reassure her of what he was really trying to say. "I was definitely not laughing at you. That was more of a snort because I know exactly what you're going through. You're talking to the guy that allegedly lost his mind so badly after his brother was short a few months ago that his best friend had to confiscate his phone to protect him from the people that wanted to kill him."

He saw the reluctant twitch of her lips. "Allegedly?"

"I still say that I was just worried about the guy. He did almost die and I was almost six hundred miles away. I feel like sending a few text messages to his friends wasn't that far out of the realm of concern."

"How many was a few?"

"Before or after Kitty took my phone away? I had to beg for hours to get that thing back. Pretty sure I offered up my soul and the soul of my firstborn child. So you know my future wife is pretty screwed."

Madison laughed, finally giving into the urge to smile that had been growing throughout their entire conversation. Jake found himself smiling as well. He wasn't blind. He was aware that Madison was beautiful but this was the first time he was ever really alone with her. The first time that they spent any time together really away from her brother, Kitty and the others. It was the first time that he noticed that she could actually be a really great friend… or possibly more.

"You and Puck are really close, huh?"

"Yeah, we are… well, we are now. We weren't always that way but it got better. We got closer. He wouldn't let me ignore him. He forced his way into my life and became like the father we both needed. So I get where you're coming from."

"It's different though," she said, shrugging a little but still not moving away. "You're the little brother. He protects you."

"You've obviously never spent more than five minutes around my brother," Jake laughed dryly. "He tries to protect everyone around him at the expense of his own feelings and more often than not, it ends up hurting him. It's like…. I get what you mean when you say your brother is this bright thing that the world is trying to take out. Well in my case, the world literally tried to take him out." Madison let out a small giggle. "So I get where you're coming from."

"I really think you do," Madison smiled up at him. "Thanks, Jake."

"You're welcome. And not for nothing but Mason seems like a perfectly reasonable guy. I think if you just sat him down and had a talk with him, it would make things better. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to go out with one of us just to make your brother happy. Sacrificing your happiness for his won't end well for either of you. And I know you both love each other. Mason might think you're overbearing sometimes but he loves you. He doesn't want you to be miserable either. Everyone can see you two care about each other."

"We do," Madison agreed with a faint smile. "Maybe I will talk to him."

"Great!" Jake grinned. He was still working for love. Maybe it wasn't romantic but he knew all too well that the love between siblings was just as powerful.

"Guess you don't need to take me to prom now," she said, with a hint of something in her voice. Jake didn't know what it was exactly but he did know he felt the same.

Sure this whole thing started as a way to keep Madison out Jane and Mason's relationship but he was walking away with a deeper understanding of the girl next to him. He found he liked what he understood.

"Or maybe… now I can ask you without the ulterior motive?" Jake asked, haltingly. He was met with a blindingly bright smile from Madison. One that he found himself returning. He swallowed the nerves suddenly creeping up on him. "So is that a yes?"

"That's a yes," she replied, biting her bottom lip briefly. "For the record, this is a date?"

"It's definitely a date," Jake agreed. She nodded before leaning up to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth.

"Well then, date. Pick me up at six on Friday."

"Yeah," Jake murmured, slightly dazed as Madison sauntered away.

He watched her meet up with Mason at his own locker further down the hall. Mason glanced briefly in Jake's direction before saying something to his sister. Whatever she replied with prompted Mason to wrap an arm around her shoulders in a hug. The younger of the twins looked towards Jake again and gave him a weak smile. Jake nodded in response. He watched as the twins stepped out of their hug but kept an arm wrapped around the other as they walked down the hall towards the choir room.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Jake jumped, turning to face an all too smug Kitty who materialized by his side from seemingly nowhere. "A new hookup in New Directions?"

"No!" Jake immediately protested, except it kind of was. "I mean I'm not…. I wouldn't do that… Kitty, you know I wouldn't…" he stopped when Kitty slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up. I was just kidding, nerd. I'm only teasing you. Actually, I'm beyond excited that your silent pledge of chastity is finally over. You've been punishing yourself for Marley for the past two years. It's nice to see you back in the saddle."

"I'm not… I haven't been punishing myself for Marley." Kitty gave him a look that showed her thoughts on that subject. He pouted.

"Oh, quit with the baby face guilt trip. You know it's true. We all know it's true. You've been martyring yourself ever since the whole Bree thing happened. Stop it. It happened, it sucked but it's over. And stop being afraid to get out there and date again. There's nothing to be afraid of. Especially not with someone like Madison. She's not Marley."

"I know that," Jake grumbled. "I know that Madison isn't Marley. But I also know that she's going to be here in Lima and I'm moving to New York in like a month."

"So?" Kitty argued, raising an eyebrow. "Artie and I were together for the past two years of him living in New York and me here in Hell, I mean Lima."

"But at least you were dating for a year before he moved. Madison and I have been dating for literally a minute and a half!"

Whatever reaction he thought Kitty was going to have, the wide slow building grin that appeared on her lips was not it. She clapped her hands together and looked actually delighted for a moment. He mentally replayed his last sentence but couldn't figure out what was making her that level of happy.

"You like her!" Kitty blurted. "Oh my god, you actually really, really like her! How long has this been happening? How did you miss this? Better, how did I miss this?!"

"Shut up!" he hissed. "I don't know. I guess… I mean, I don't know."

"No, it's cute! Besides, she's a junior. So you only have a year on long distance. I have it good authority that she and Mason are both auditioning for NYADA and applying to NYU. We all know that despite being a total weirdo, Mason is totally getting into NYADA. Madison seems pretty set on going to NYU. But let's face it. They're a package deal. NYADA would be completely insane to turn either one of them away. So they're definitely going to end up in New York in some way at the end of the next school year."

"So you're saying that I should try and see where this goes?"

"Yes!" Kitty all but yelled. "Because I want you to be happy and have someone that you love. You've been so devoted to making sure that all of us are happy and in love but you ignore yourself in the process. You think that because you cheated on Marley, you don't deserve another shot at love. But you do."

"I don't think that….."

"I hate to break it to you, kid, but you really do."

Jake turned with wide eyes to face his brother. Kitty took one look between them and muttered something about waiting in the choir room. Puck leaned against the locker where Jake was still standing, shoulder pressed against his.

"Did you know that I was dating Santana when I slept with Quinn?" Jake snapped his head in his brother's direction. "Yeah, I cheated on Santana with Quinn. I slept with my best friend's girlfriend and then got her pregnant. I was pretty much the cautionary tale of New Directions. Do you think I deserve to be happy with Rachel? Do you think I have the right to be engaged to her?"

"What?! Of course you do! You and Rachel belong together!"

"But I cheated on my ex-girlfriend. Doesn't that make me likely to do it again?"

"Of course not! You made a mistake. A really big, huge sad one but you've grown up since then. And Rachel makes you happy. Plus I'm pretty sure she'd murder you in the face if you even thought about cheating on her because she doesn't take your shit, so you can't let your past mistakes define your future. You were a teenager and shit happens and we move on and oh, this wasn't about you. Was it?"

"Nope," Puck snickered. "It was all about you, baby face. The kitten is right. You've been punishing yourself for Marley for far too long. She's not even dwelling on it anymore. She's with Ryder now. They look happy. So that whole phase of your life is over. You need to stop holding back and let yourself be happy."

Jake chewed on his lip. "You think that maybe I could be happy with Madison?"

Puck shrugged. "Maybe or maybe not. But I think the important thing here is that you try. Madison could be the one or maybe she's not. No one is expecting you to get married tomorrow. We just want you to be happy. And if there is a small chance that Madison could make you happy, then go for it. Hell, if you want an answer to that question before the prom, you should ask her to the Blam Celebration Bash tomorrow."

"The who and the what now?" Puck rolled his eyes.

"I know, it's ridiculous. Apparently we're throwing a party to celebrate Blaine and Sam finally getting their heads out of their asses and getting together. We're inviting all of the gleeks, new and old."

"I mean I know I'm not exactly Kurt's biggest fan, but this seems a little… wrong. Doesn't it? Like they're rubbing it in his face?"

"Who do you think is throwing the party?" Puck snorted. "Your future sister-in-law, Kurt, Santana and Elliot have decided that this is the best way to spend their time. Sam and Blaine are going along with it because they're terrified of Santana, Rachel and Elliot."

"Shouldn't you be trying to help them?"

"I'm sorry. Have you met Rachel, Elliot and Santana? I'm not going anywhere near that pile of crazy. They're scared of them and they should be. But because I'm an awesome bro, I already have a plan to take some of the attention from them at the party."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. And it involves you helping me pick out the perfect ring today. I refuse to let Rachel steal all the glory of proposing first."

Jake laughed. "You do know that even if you do the flashy proposal tomorrow, the fact still remains that Rachel asked first. And that you said yes first."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Logic?" Puck pouted. Jake rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. I'm on the side I've always been on. Yours, you idiot."

Puck slung an arm around his shoulders. "I know you are, but what am I?"

"An idiot!" Jake retorted from where his face was pressed against his brother's underarm. "I hate you."

"No, you don't," Puck replied cheerily as he guided them down the hall.

"No, I don't," Jake quietly agreed.

* * *

The Blam Celebration Bash was well under way when Sam felt a disturbance in the proverbial force. The party had been going on for a few hours when it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't seen Puck in a while. In the early stretches of the party, Sam was tracking his best friend's movements. He didn't know why at the time but he felt like something was off. But Puck appeared to be fine. He stayed by Rachel's side, only straying away to gently tease Jake and his date (!) or to snicker at whatever Santana and Elliot were up to. Overall, everything seemed to be going fine. So Sam forced himself to relax. Instead he focused his attention on his boyfriend and the friends that were determined to harass them for taking so long to get together. Jerks. All of them were jerks.

He was content and was actually enjoying the party despite his friends when that off feeling grew. He suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. A tight band formed around his chest and squeezed. In that moment, his eyes darted around the room trying to lock onto the one person that could ground him with just a single look. But that person wasn't there. And that's when he realized that this had less to do with him and everything to do with Puck. He calmly excused himself from the conversation between Blaine, Mason and Spencer and went in search of his best friend. He climbed the stairs leading out of the basement and continued outside of the house. He found his target seated on one of the porch swings, hunched into himself and breathing wrong.

Wordlessly, Sam sat beside him, making sure that their shoulders, arms and legs were pressed together. After a few minutes of listening to the harsh and too short breaths coming from the man beside him, Sam offered his hand. Puck latched on. His grip was firm but not so tight that Sam was uncomfortable. He laced their fingers together before pushing back on the seat so that it started to sway gently. He didn't know how long they sat there, swinging together in silence before he heard Puck let out a shuddering breath.

"If the next words out of your mouth are anything resembling an apology, I'm totally telling everyone that Rachel proposed first." Puck's mouth closed so quickly, Sam could hear his teeth click together. So predictable. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I feel like… this is stupid," Puck murmured, attempting to free his hand still enclosed by Sam's. Sam held tight. "I shouldn't be doing this anymore."

"Why? Do you seriously think that just because things are kind of good right now that everything bad goes away?" Sam scoffed, gently. "Because it doesn't, bud. I hate to break it to you. You still went through something really traumatic and unfortunately, it's going to stay with you for a while."

"I'm ruining your party."

"You're definitely not," Sam assured him.

"You should be inside having fun. Not trying to hold me together. I shouldn't be upset to begin with!" Puck countered. "Everything is going well. So why can't I… I just can't…."

"Hey," Sam cut into the growing self-deprecation fit happening beside him. "How many people have told you that it wasn't going to be an overnight thing? You're still healing but you're not a hundred percent yet. And what did your therapist tell you about that?"

"I might never be," Puck answered, his voice barely a whisper. "But that's okay too."

"Bro, take a look at our crew. I don't think any of us are at a hundred percent. We all have hang ups and issues. But together we somehow all form a complete picture." Sam paused. "Did you think I was a burden when I was moping about Blaine?"

"Of course not!"

"So why would you think you would be a burden to me? At least you have some justifiable stuff to deal with. I was upset because I was in love with a boy who loved me back but was with someone else."

"That's a valid problem," Puck argued. Sam squeezed his hand.

"So is being the survivor of a mass shooting," Sam replied. "It's going to take time. Not just four months but actual time. Puck, you're not even fully healed yet. No one is expecting you to bounce back from this right away. You're going to slip every now and then. And we know this and we accept it. The only thing you need to do is understand that when you do slip, we're all going to be there to help you back up again."

"I just want this to go away," Puck confessed. "I just want to go back to the way things used to be. I don't want…. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"I know," Sam sighed, giving up and just pulling his older friend into his arms. "I wish that I could take it away for you. That I could make it better."

"You are. This... you... it helps," Puck admitted from where his head rested under Sam's chin. The blonde smiled softly. "Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that I don't have to say sorry… but can I say thank you?"

"You don't need to do that either. But if you need to."

Puck snorted. "Yeah, I need to. Thanks, Sam."

"No problem, Noah."

They sat in a comfortable silence listening absently to the music drifting up from the basement party still in effect. He didn't know how long they sat there until the door opened once again and the sounds of shuffling feet had him looking up to see Rachel and Blaine staring down at them with concerned looks on their faces. Rachel crouched down by Puck's legs and tangled the fingers of his free hand with her own.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," she smiled softly. "Feeling better?"

"A little… wait, you knew?"

"I always know when you're not okay," she replied with a smirk that was more Puck than she knew. "But I also knew that Sam had it under control."

"It's why he's my best man," Puck snickered, finally pulling away from Sam to sit up on his own again. Rachel immediately placed herself on his lap, carding her fingers through his hair.

"I feel like Jake is going to pitch a fit about that," Sam grinned.

"Eh, it's okay. He can be the ring bearer," Puck laughed. Sam found himself smiling wider. True, he was still having moments and episodes but they were fewer and farther between. And despite what Puck thought about his own healing, he bounced back from them sooner. He had been through hell and back again but Sam knew he was going to come back from this stronger than before.

"So you ready to come back inside yet and do your ridiculous proposal yet?"

"You knew about that too?"

"Of course I did. Kitty told me."

Sam snickered as Puck immediately started whining about the fickle nature of cats and how dogs were clearly superior. It was inane and more than a little ridiculous but it had been far too long since Sam heard Puck sound anything close to that. So he settled back to listen even as Rachel started trying to talk over him. Blaine squeezed onto the swing with the three of them and just like that, the Force was restored and everything was at peace once again.

* * *

Puck smiled softly as he caught sight of his brother and Madison slow dancing together a few feet away from him and Rachel. The two teens were pressed close together and were smiling and gazing adorably into the other's eyes. They were more swaying together lightly than dancing to the charming mashup Mason and Jane were singing on stage. If Puck wasn't holding hands with the woman he knew he wanted to spend his life with, his fiancée twice over now that Rachel said yes to his proposal, then he might have been inclined to make a few snide comments about all of them being cavity inducing levels of sweet. However, he was holding hands with the woman he's known since the age of six that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. And she did agree to marry him when he went through with his truly over the top proposal involving a surprise guest appearance from Quinn, Mercedes, Mike and Brittany. So he had no room to mock anyone. Instead he just tugged Rachel into his arms and rested his chin against her hair. She held onto the hands wrapped around his waist and he didn't need to look to know that she was smiling. Despite his minor meltdown during the party two days ago, Puck was feeling better about everything. He was starting to feel like everything was looking up. And then he heard a commotion from the other side of the gym.

He glanced away from the stage to see a few teachers, Sue, Shannon and Will among them, arguing with what looked like a man with a TV camera. Puck sighed knowing exactly who they were there for. He started to cross the length of the room, determined to interfere before any stupid paparazzi or budding journalist could ruin his baby brother's prom when he saw the one arguing with an increasingly more angry Shannon and Will. It had been two years since he actually saw her in person but her talk show circuit shortly after the shooting kept her image fresh in his mind.

"Mom," he whispered, not realizing that his feet wouldn't, couldn't, move him past that point. He hadn't prepared for this. It wasn't just that his mother was there at prom. He stupidly hadn't prepared to deal with his mother period.

He knew on some fundamental level that there was a chance that he would have to see her when they got to Lima. But he also knew that he was constantly surrounded by people who were never huge fans of his mother before Finn died and were even less fond of her after that. And that was all before she blabbed her son's identity to the media in order to gain her own fifteen minutes of fame. So Puck didn't prepare. He figured that his mother wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything at Shannon's house. She also wasn't dumb enough to try it with Carole or Tanisha either. But apparently she was stupid enough to try it at Jake's prom. And with a television camera no less. She was forcing his hand. Either he gave her the tender, tear-jerking reunion she was angling for or he blew up and even more of his dirty laundry would be out in the open for everyone in the world to know.

"Noah?" Rachel asked, drawing his attention to her. She was smiling softly at him but he could read the worry in her eyes. "You don't have to go over there. I'm reasonably sure Will and Shannon will be enough to get rid of her. If they need assistance, Elliot is the only thing standing in Santana's way."

Puck turned his head slightly to see that the man was indeed the only one holding her back. Sam, Kurt and Blaine were standing slightly to the left, clearly of the mindset to just let her have a go at Puck's mom. He snorted. His friends were amazingly ridiculous. They had been sheltering him from everything from the very beginning. But it was time he took back the control. They got him this far. He could handle the rest.

"It's okay, babe," Puck murmured, kissing Rachel on the forehead. "I need to do this."

She grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. "Okay, we do it together."

"Always," he agreed with a smile he genuinely felt. He squeezed her hand lightly as he finally approached the doors to the gym. Shannon had managed to move the drama to outside the door. Will and Emma were hovering nearby waiting for anything to spark between the two women. Puck smiled a bit wider as he cleared his throat ending all conversations.

"Noah," his mother whispered, staring at him with she probably thought was genuine affection. He shook his head before looking to Shannon.

"It's okay," he assured her. "I think I need to do this."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but you're not going anywhere, right?"

"Never," Shannon smiled. "I'll be right there with Will and Emma. Carole and Tanisha are on their way too."

"Then I can do this," Puck replied, actually believing it himself. He turned around to face his mother, not even surprised to see that the camera was rolling. "Hey, Ma"

"Noah, it's so good to see you," Debra said, her voice trembling. It was a great act.

"I'd like to say the same to you but, well, you know," Puck shrugged. "So it's kind of funny how I've been back in town for a week now and this is the first time I'm seeing you. Or even hearing from you. Come to think it, honey, when did I get shot?"

"About five months or so ago," Rachel replied. "Give or take."

"Hmm, so it's been about five months since I was shot and I didn't hear from you. I get into town and don't see you. And now you turn up with a cameraman at my little brother's prom. It's funny."

"Noah, I don't know what type of game you're playing here but…."

"No games, ma. I'm not playing any games. I'm too tired to play games with you. Especially with you. Look around, these people are the ones that have been supporting me since the day they heard I was in the hospital. Hell, Shannon has been supporting me since the day you told me you wished it was me that died instead of Finn Hudson."

He heard Emma and Will gasp. Oops, apparently he never shared that part of the story with them. He was going to hear about that one later. Oh well.

"That was just a misunderstanding, Noah. You know I didn't mean it."

"Really? Then why is this the first time we're coming face to face? Why did it take a public setting where I had little to no way to get out of talking to you for us to finally see each other? You want to talk about games yet this is the biggest mind game yet."

"Noah, I'm just concerned about you."

"No, you're just concerned that people are starting to move on from you. People are starting to question why the mother of the McGhee Base Hero is never actually with her son. Isn't that what the problem really is, Ma? So here. I'll smile next to you. Take pictures and make you look good. Because that's all you really care about. But only if you promise to just leave me alone in the future."

"Noah, you're my son," Debra pleaded.

"The hell he is," a new voice snapped. Debra and her cameraman whirled around to find a seething Carole and Tanisha standing behind them. "Debra, you have always had a lot of balls but this? This is pathetic."

"It's not bad enough you separated our sons for most of their lives but you also want to ruin Jake's prom by hurting his brother? If you really want to talk this out with Noah. If you're genuinely interested in how your son is doing, then come to dinner on Sunday. We're having a family dinner. And despite what I and basically every rational adult in this room feel, you are Noah's family. You are his mother."

"By blood," Carole pointed out. "But I digress. Tanisha is right. If you're actually here because you suddenly decided to give a damn about your son for the first time in twenty two years, then you'll come to dinner on Sunday. Even if you don't, it's beyond time for you to go."

"Noah?" Debra tried. He shook his head.

"I learned a lot time ago never to pick a fight with Carole. It doesn't end well," he grinned. "See you on Sunday, Ma."

Debra huffed and puffed for a few more minutes before realizing that no one was backing down. She threw one more plaintive look in Puck's direction before hissing something under her breath and turning on her heels. Tanisha and Carole both gave him sympathetic looks before following after her to make sure that she was really gone.

Puck wanted to feel bad about how it ended but he just couldn't find it in him to care that much. He would worry about it on Sunday. For now, he just wanted to get back to his friends and brother. He said as much to the worried adults gathered around him. Shannon gave him a bright smile before kissing him on the forehead. He didn't know how he got so lucky that he found these incredible people who supported him no matter what but he was undeniably grateful for it and to them. As he and Rachel slipped back in the gym, they heard Roderick finishing up an amazing rendition of 'Thinking Out Loud'.

"You okay?" Santana asked once they had joined their group of friends. Puck nodded. She narrowed her eyes but must have found that he was telling the truth as she said nothing more. Sam slung an arm around his shoulders and Puck cursed the slight height difference between them that let Sam believe he could get away with that. Well, the height difference and the fact that Puck didn't hate it as much as he pretended.

"Ahem," Mercedes' voice cut across the gym. "Hello Class of 2016! Some of you may not remember us but my friend, Artie and I are graduates of the Class of 2012. We're also two of the founding members of your prom night entertainment, the New Directions." There was a loud whoop from all the past and present members of the glee club. "Now that's what I like to hear! But I just wanted to interrupt their previously scheduled playlist to sing a duet with my boy. This is dedicated to a few people in the audience tonight. To those making a fresh start or finally taking a second chance at love. All we have to say is….at last!"

Puck playfully rolled his eyes as the opening notes to the song started to play. He held a hand out to Rachel who giggled and accepted as he dragged her out onto the dance floor where Sam and Blaine, Jake and Madison, Santana and Brittany (whoa), Jane and Mason, Spencer and Alistair, and Kurt and David Karfosky (seriously whoa) were already dancing. He wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist and leaned down so that his head rested against hers.

"I love you, Rachel Berry."

"I love you, Noah Puckerman." She pulled away slightly to look up at him. "I can't wait to marry you."

"I can't wait to marry you either," he whispered, leaning down to meet her waiting lips.

No, everything wasn't perfect. His mother was still going to be an issue. He knew it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. He was still an emotional wreck. But he realized more and more every day that he didn't need to be at a one hundred percent. He had friends… no, he had family that would be there to shield him from the world when he needed it and to support him when he wanted to fight his own battles. So no, it wasn't perfect. But it was as close to perfect as he could expect given his life. And that was more than okay.


	11. Closing Time

Family was a weird concept for Puck. One that he struggled to wrap his head around sometimes. For so many years, family meant rejection and pain, and not just the emotional kind. But recently, well ever since he joined the New Directions for all the wrong reasons, he learned a new side of this thing called family. He learned that family could mean safety, happiness and support. When he joined to keep tabs on Quinn and their daughter, Puck never imagined getting anything more out of it. He never thought that just five years later, he would find himself surrounded by people who loved him unconditionally. He never thought he would have a sibling that looked up to him but also looked out for him. He never thought he would have two best friends who would drop everything to leave the state for him at three o'clock in the morning. He definitely didn't think he would have a world where he was engaged to Rachel Berry. Or that he could ever have Santana back in his life. He definitely never envisioned a world where he had all of that and so much more. It was weird but it worked at the same time.

So of course this meant that his mother had to rear her ugly head once again. He really shouldn't have been surprised that she was back so soon. He should've known that his mother wasn't going to take her humiliation at the hands of Tanisha and Carole on Friday lightly. She also wasn't going to risk another confrontation when both of the women would be together. So naturally it made more sense for her to try and force another face to face when he was hanging out at Jake's house helping him and Kitty rehearse their salutatorian and valedictorian speeches two days after prom. The logic made sense really. Since their arrival in Lima, Puck was usually at one of four different places: Shannon's, the Hummel-Hudson residence, the school or with the Berry's. His mother wouldn't dare try and have a conversation with him at any of those places. For starters, Shannon scared the crap out of his mother, so that made the school a no go now and her house was similarly off limits. Carole was more likely to punch her in the face than to listen to her these days. She burned her bridges with the Berry's years ago. So really, it made sense for her to wait until he was away from the scarier of his mother figures.

Unfortunately (for her), Debra once again greatly underestimated just how well guarded Puck was these days. She also greatly underestimated just how far Tanisha Wilson would go for her children. And ever since their fight following Finn's funeral, Noah Puckerman was as good as hers. Puck didn't know how he got so lucky to be born with an awful set of parents as Debra and Elijah Puckerman only to end up with three amazing surrogate mothers. But he wasn't complaining. Especially when one of those surrogate mothers was slamming the door in the face of the aforementioned awful mother.

"I don't know whether to be grateful Sam and Blaine aren't here or really pissed," Jake mused as they watched their mothers arguing through the closed door. "On the one hand, Sam goes Kentucky Thunder real fast when it comes to you. On the other hand, Santana goes Lima Heights equally fast and that's like twenty times scarier than Kentucky Thunder. So it might be nice to have backup when it kicks in. I'm honestly just weighing the pros and cons of just calling the police now. It might be nice to give the EMTs a head start before the carnage starts."

"She's not that bad," Puck protested, though he kept an eye on his longtime friend.

"Bro, it took me, Elliot, Sammy and Blaine to hold her down after that one nurse tried to sneak a picture of you to the press when you were in the hospital. And despite that she still managed to fling a bedpan at the man. I don't even know where she got the bedpan from. Or why it was full. But never mind that, it took four of us, Puck. Four!"

"That was a bad time," Puck mused, still eyeing the Latina warily.

Santana was staring at the door with an icy calm that rarely boded well for anyone. Kitty and Artie were watching the drama unfold with genuine, and slightly rabid, curiosity evident in their eyes. They were definitely not going to be any help. Rachel looked like she was about two minutes away from either encouraging Santana or jumping over her to be the first one at Debra. But the ones that caught his attention were the McCarthy twins. To say that Madison and Jake barely spoke prior to their first date earlier in the week, they were almost attached at the hip. That naturally meant she wanted to hear his speech. So of course that meant that the other attachment to Madison's hip was invited along.

Right now they were looking between everyone in the room with increasing uneasiness and Puck immediately felt sorry. Neither of them had any real idea of what was happening outside of Jake's hasty explanation on prom night that "Puck and his mom have issues". That was a supreme understatement and it was pretty evident in this moment. It wasn't fair that they were being dragged into the Puckerman family drama. Puck sighed. This is why he couldn't have nice things. This bullshit right here.

Without saying a word, he rose from the armchair Jake was perched on. Santana was at his side faster than he could process. She was silent and he knew that she was willing to follow his lead. For now. He walked over to Tanisha and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No, sweetheart, you don't have to do this. Again."

"Yeah, I think we both know that I do," he answered honestly. "She's not going away until she gets what she wants and for the first time in her life, it's actually me. So let's embrace this moment. Besides I really want to get back to figuring out who's going to make people cry more: Jake or Kitty."

"Noah," Tanisha started, squeezing his shoulder lightly. She bit her bottom lip as she searched his face for something. Eventually she sighed. "Okay, but I'm calling Carole and Shannon. Teach her to try and sneak attack me. She has no damn idea whose she's messing with. It's like she never learns a damn thing. Ever."

Puck smiled weakly at her vehement defense. She patted him on the cheek before leaving to call Shannon. Puck heard Rachel already on the phone with Carole. One day, he would wonder about the steep decline in the formerly prim and proper Rachel's vocabulary. But for now, he was just wanting to get this over with. All the bravado from prom night was gone and he didn't actually know how to deal with this. His hand shook slightly as he opened the door to find his mother impatiently standing on the porch. His sister was hovering behind her with a matching expression of annoyance and disdain. He very suddenly wanted to slam the door shut and hide.

"What do you want? And how long will it take to give you what you want so you can go away and never come back?" Santana asked in a hurried rush of words. Debra glared in the younger woman's direction prompting Santana to smirk. Puck knew she was mentally adding points to the list she kept in her head. She got more points for the quicker she could get under Debra's skin. It was a game she made up when they were younger. It helped him a lot to know that she still played the game. She brushed her hand against his, earning a nod in response.

"Why are you here, Ma? Pretty sure Tanisha told you that dinner was Sunday. I know I've been kind of out of it lately but I definitely know that it's not Sunday."

Debra frowned and a look of hurt flashed across her face. If Puck believed for even a second that it was genuine, he might have felt bad. But unfortunately, he was more than familiar with his mother and her machinations. He was regretting opening the door with every passing second. He let out a shaky exhale.

"Noah, I just want to talk. I realize I was wrong to ambush you at the prom like that and I apologize. But can you blame me? You come to town and see everyone but your mother. I'm worried about you. Your sister was worried about you. We just wanted to know if you were doing okay since… everything that happened."

"Everything that happened? Oh, you mean everything since two of the guys from my platoon lost their collective shit and went on a murder spree? Guys that I've known since the first day at the Academy? Or are we talking about since I had to stab one of them to death because he was trying to shoot my roommate again? The same roommate that died anyway. You mean since all that?" Puck asked, the words slipping out without him really noticing. Now that the seal had been broken though, the things he was trying to keep quiet were emerging. "Or how about while I'm lying in a hospital bed trying to deal with all of that, I suddenly have to deal with the press digging into my life and dissecting every action and decision I've made since I was born. And it was all because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut!"

"I… I never… I never meant for…." Debra stammered.

"You didn't mean to tell the press that your son was the McGhee base hero?" Santana asked incredulously. "Like what did you call one of those stupid hotlines they had going and accidentally blurt out all of that?"

Puck gave a shaky laugh as Santana shifted the attention away from his response. But he wasn't stupid to enough to think that she was going to let it go. But he knew she would let everything he said pass for the moment. That was the most he had spoken about what happened that night since his initial report to the investigators. He hadn't even told his therapist and now he just yelled it out to the person he trusted the least in the world. Hopefully, his mother would leave soon because he was starting to feel shaky again. The tremors in his hands were back with a vengeance. His breath caught in his throat and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. And then it stopped. He felt Santana's smaller hand wrap around his bicep and squeeze gently. They learned early on that touch helped him to focus. And he wasn't at all surprised that they were all aware of the signs of an impending anxiety attack.

"Noah, I just… I was proud of you," Debra's voice cracked and Puck realized with a start that this was probably the most honest she had ever been with him. "I wanted the world to know who you were. You saved those people. I was… I was proud of you. And I just thought that others should be proud of you too."

"If you even knew the slightest bit about me, you would know that I didn't want that. You say you were proud of me? I didn't do anything worth being proud of. I was too slow to help and had to watch one friend be slaughtered in his sleep. I tried to protect my other friend but he died anyway. I was attacked and had to actually stab a man to death with his own knife to stop him. A man that I served with. A man I shared a plane to the base with on my very first day. He died on top of me. Why would I want to celebrate that?! People keep throwing around the word hero but they don't stop for a second to think maybe I don't feel that damn heroic. I feel horrible all the time because I lived and better men than me died. I have literal blood on my hands. I'm not a hero. I'm just… me."

Santana looped her arm around his waist, resting her head against his shoulder. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He couldn't afford to lose it now. Not with his mother here. Especially not with his little sister present. Though they were close when they were both younger, there was nothing between him and Sarah anymore. Sarah looked at him with the same annoyance that their mother did. And while it hurt initially, he found that he had filled the void where his once beloved little sister existed. He didn't need Sarah. He had enough people in his life that were content, proud even, to think of him as a brother and one that was proud to actually be his brother. He didn't need to hold on to the dead weight of that relationship. And with a sickening pang, he realized the same was true for his mother. He didn't need to hold onto her anymore. If this whole fiasco taught him even one small thing, it was that he was loved. He didn't need to try and jump through hoops to earn his mother and sister's affections. He had it in spades from literally everyone else.

"Go home, Ma," he finally said out loud. "I can't do this anymore."

"Noah?"

"No," he shook his head. The way too familiar burning was back in his eyes. He was definitely going to have words with his therapist. She was supposed to be helping him get this crying thing under control. "Ma, it's a never ending cycle with us. You push me away and I run and do whatever I have to do to make you love me. But I shouldn't have to do anything. I'm your son! Sarah has made mistakes and you never rode her half as hard as you did with me. I've never even seen you yell at her."

"Maybe because I'm not a perpetual screw up," Sarah retorted.

"Say that again," Jake's voice sounded from beside them. He raised an eyebrow and sought the source of the voice. Jake grinned from his place on the other side of the porch. Of course the brat walked around the house. Of course he did. Sarah stared at their brother with the same mixture of disdain and disappointment that she gave Puck so often. At least they were on even ground. Jake shrugged her attitude off with barely a blink of an eye. "You know I used to be so jealous of you when I first met Noah. You got to have him as a brother from the minute you were born. But you never appreciated him, did you?"

"You don't know the first thing about me."

"Yeah, and I don't really want to find out about you either. Like I said, I used to want to be your brother so much. But if you can't see how amazing Noah is, then you're not worth the effort, to be honest. So I'll put it simply. If you don't want Noah in your life, I'm more than happy to fill that role. I'll be a better sibling than you either way."

Puck had to laugh at that. Mostly because it was so painfully true. Jake didn't just take from Puck, he was also there to give back. For all the times that Puck drove his little brother to school or stayed up with him while he was going through his breakup with Marley, Jake was there to listen to him panic about a certain class requirement or to bitch about missing Santana before they made up. He also forged a relationship with Beth. On his own. Puck never asked him to do it but Jake declared that she was his niece and he would be damned if she got any older without having him in her life. Puck wasn't even sure Sarah knew her niece's name.

"Noah…" Debra's sad voice brought him out of his head. He looked up to meet his mother's eyes. The same eyes she shared with her daughter. "I know I haven't always been there for you. But you can't really be thinking about cutting me out of your life."

"I am really thinking about it," he admitted, with a sad tilt to his lips. "I never wanted to but I see now that it's too late. We're never going to be a real family. I don't want you to learn to love me. I want you to love me. I want you to be proud to tell people that you love me. But you're not proud of me. And I don't think you've ever really loved me. And it should hurt a lot but it doesn't. I'm strangely okay with it now. Because I don't need you, Ma. I might have in the past but I don't need you now. And I don't think I ever will."

"Noah, be reasonable."

"Oh, I am. I'm reasonably warning you that if you come back here without an invitation, I'm calling the police. You're not welcome in my life anymore. So can you and your daughter please get off my stepmother's property?"

"You have thirty seconds," Santana chimed in with a devilish grin. "Twenty nine, twenty eight…."

Debra opened her mouth to say something more but the words seemingly died on her lips. Puck didn't know how long he stood there staring at the woman he always wished would love him but never could. Even Santana's mocking countdown faded to the back of his mind as he stared at his mother. His beautiful, wonderful mother who never loved her son the way she should. He didn't know what he did to deserve her inattention and hatred and lately he found that he didn't really care that much either. Because the attention and love he got from Carole, Shannon and Tanisha was more than enough to make up for his mother's failures and then some.

So he didn't bother to wait for Santana's countdown to finish. He simply turned his back on the whole sad scene and walked back into the house. He knew that it would hit him eventually that he just cut his mother out of his life for good. He knew that Santana, and possibly Jake, would be bothering him about everything he blurted out to his mother. He knew he was about an hour from being cuddle piled to death by Sam and Blaine. But right now, he pushed all of that to the side because there was only one person in the world that he needed to speak to. That he needed to see more than anything in this world.

He sat down on a chair just inside the foyer. He figured it was the best spot for everyone to see him and know that he was fine. Actually, as the phone finally connected and a smiling face greeted him, he was better than fine. Hazel eyes with brown and gold flecks that were the perfect combination of both her mother and father lit up as she laid eyes on Puck. He felt his own heart skip a beat and a bright smile pull on his own face as he saw his daughter for the first time in almost eight months. She clapped her hands, looking excitedly at something just beyond the screen. No doubt she was looking at Shelby.

"Hey, Munchkin," he said, trying to keep the wobble out of his voice. "How are you?"

"Daddy! I missed you."

Puck closed his eyes and sighed softly. "I missed you too. I'm so sorry that we haven't seen each other in really a long time, pumpkin. But no matter what, I just want you to know that I will always love you. You're my princess."

"I know," Beth replied honestly. "I love you too, Daddy. Uncle Jay said you weren't feeling okay. Momma said you had ouchies. Do you feel better now?"

"Now that I see you, sweetheart, I feel so much better. So catch me up. What have I missed in the life of Princess Beth?"

"So much!" Beth squealed. Puck laughed as she launched into a story detailing some kid at her kindergarten that was being mean to her prompting her to push him into the dirt and sit on his back. He laughed and marveled at this tiny person who he helped create, who helped raise in his own way.

As he listened to his daughter talk, Puck finally started to realize what the others had been trying to teach him all along. He actually got it. Because it was hard not to feel like a hero or someone important at least when you had this perfect little girl looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. It was hard to believe he wasn't worth it when he had Shannon and Carole both dropping kisses on his head on their way into the house. It was hard to believe that he couldn't be loved when he had Rachel, Santana and Jake all peeking into the hallway periodically checking to make sure he was alright. He had no doubt in his mind that his crazy best friends would be over sooner rather than later to check on him.

And he was right, of course. He had just hung up with a strangely giggly Beth, after promising to see her very soon, when he was tackled to the ground by the oddly familiar combined weight of Blaine and Sam. That right there was another way he knew that he was getting better. In those first few weeks of his recovery, every sudden movement triggered his anxiety and had him spiraling. But now it was almost expected. As was Rachel, Santana and Jake burrowing their way into the tangled pile of limbs. He wasn't even surprised when Madison and Mason found their way into the cuddle puddle happening on the floor.

"I love you, weirdoes," he whispered. He felt Rachel and Santana both press soft kisses on either side of his face.

"We love you too."

* * *

"And now welcome to the stage, your class salutatorian, Jacob Puckerman!"

Jake ran his suddenly sweaty palms over his robe as he made his way to the podium. He didn't get where the sudden case of nerves was coming from. He could sing and dance in front of thousands of people without even breaking a sweat but a speech in front of his classmates had him losing his mind. Then again, this was far from just a regular speech. Not for the first time, he wondered if he should just go with the speech he rehearsed in front of Puck. It was a good speech and it managed to convey some of what he wanted to say without potentially causing his brother to have a full-on emotional breakdown.

He paused as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He scanned the message quickly, trying to ignore the grin that was tugging at his lips against his will. He read Kitty's text warning him not to screw this up for everyone. He knew that while this may have been his idea, everyone was more than willing to go along with it because they all wanted Puck to know how they felt as well. He let out a slow, deep breath and made his way towards Sue who was patiently waiting for him. She clapped him on the shoulder once before moving to join Kitty backstage.

"Hello Class of 2016!" there was a round of cheers from the audience. "I'm sure most of you know me. Either because of my old man, my own stellar reputation or because of the best brother anyone could ask for." Jake paused a moment to make eye contact with Puck. He was sitting on the opposite side of the graduating class and towards the front. He was also wearing a look of absolute confusion because this was not the speech they practiced. Jake smirked.

"I had a whole speech prepared today about hope and the struggles that I've gone through to get to where I am today. And while they're all still true, I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about my brother, Noah. I want to talk about Noah Puckerman. Now I want to say this easily could've been an entire speech of me gushing about my mom, but we both agreed that she gets my college graduation speech and Noah gets the high school."

There was polite laugher and some loud whoops from his annoying friends. He risked looking at his brother and wasn't surprised to see that he looked uncomfortable and was squirming in his seat. He had no idea what was coming.

"If you know me, then you know my brother. And you know that I spent what felt like forever trying to be anything other than a Puckerman. I mean really our reputation in this town isn't… well, good. That is until my brother helped me see that we're so much more than our father and his legacy. We're our own people and we can forge our own path. When I first met Noah, he had this belief drilled into his head that he was going to be nothing more than a Lima loser. He would never be anything more than that. I think it's safe to say that he proved everyone who ever said that to him or even about it wrong.

"I could literally talk for hours about what an amazing human being Noah is. But I'm reasonably sure that he would spontaneously combust from the embarrassment while simultaneously kicking my ass to next Tuesday. So I'm just going to say that Noah is one of the two most important people in my life. He helped me drop the angry, angst-ridden teen act and get my crap together. But I'm not alone in that. I'm not the only person that has had their lives affected by Noah Puckerman. Puck has changed so many lives and now in true New Directions form, we're going to, hopefully, show him how."

Jake took a deep breath and stepped away from the podium. He knew that everyone was staring at him but it was his brother's gaze he felt the most. He knew if he looked at Puck, his face would be a mix of confusion, embarrassment, anger and fear. And he had no idea just how deep this was going to go.

_Have you ever felt like nobody was there?_

_Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?_

_Have you ever felt like you could disappear?_

_Like you could fall, and no one would hear?_

_Well, let that lonely feeling wash away_

_Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay_

_'Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand_

_You can reach, reach out your hand_

_And oh, someone will coming running_

_And I know, they'll take you home_

_Even when the dark comes crashing through_

_When you need a friend to carry you_

_And when you're broken on the ground_

_You will be found_

_So let the sun come streaming in_

_'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again_

_Lift your head and look around_

_You will be found_

_You will be found_

_You will be found_

_You will be found_

_You will be found_

Jake risked looking at his brother. Not because he needed to see the effect he was having on Puck but rather because he needed his brother to ground him. Singing in front of people was great when you were with a bunch of other people. But right now, singing this on the stage alone. It was a little nerve wracking. He knew it wouldn't be for long and it was necessary but that didn't change the nerves. He met Puck's gaze and found his brother giving him a tentative smile. Jake nodded and finished his portion of the song, fighting the urge to sigh in relief as Jane and Mason joined him, followed by the rest of the current incarnation of New Directions. Kitty came to a stop beside him, looping her arm through his.

_There's a place where we don't have to feel unknown_

_And every time that you call out_

_You're a little less alone_

_If you only say the word_

_From across the silence_

_Your voice is heard_

_(Someone will come running)_

_(To take you home)_

_Even when the dark comes crashing through_

_When you need a friend to carry you_

_When you're broken on the ground_

_You will be found_

_So let the sun come streaming in_

_'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again_

_If you only look around_

_You will be found (You will be found)_

_You will be found (You will be found)_

_You will be found_

As the song continued to build, more and more voices joined the chorus. Jake smiled as all of the New Directions past and present stood together. Puck's eyes were wide even as Tanisha started to tug him up and out of his seat to join the others on the stage.

_Out of the shadows_

_The morning is breaking_

_And all is new, all is new_

_It's filling up the empty_

_And suddenly I see that_

_All is new, all is new_

_You are not alone_

_You are not alone_

_You are not alone_

_You are not alone_

_You are not alone (You are not alone)_

_You are not alone (You are not alone)_

_You are not_

_You are not alone (You are not alone)_

_Even when the dark comes crashing' through_

_When you need someone to carry you_

_When you're broken on the ground_

_You will be found!_

Tanisha walked Puck to stand next to Jake and Kitty. It was just in time for a blond streak to race across the stage and right into her surprised father's arms. This was the part that Jake was the most nervous about. Because he didn't know how Puck was going to react to seeing Beth again. It had been awhile since he even spoke to his daughter. Jake knew for a fact that Puck hadn't gone more than two days without checking in on Beth before the shooting. And then he went a whole eight months without even saying hello. The conversation the other day was a good start but Jake was worried that seeing his daughter would somehow setback all the progress they made in his recovery.

But his worries were for nothing. True, Puck looked a little unsteady as Beth crashed into him but he also looked beyond happy to see her as well. He dropped to his knees folding his little girl into his arms. All around them the rest of their friends continued to sing. Sam, Rachel and Jake kneeled next to father and daughter. Jake was happy and not all surprised to see tears in his brother's eyes. He met Sam's gaze over Puck's head. Finally.

_So when the sun comes streaming in_

_'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again_

_If you only look around_

_You will be found_

_Even when the dark comes crashing' through_

_You will be found_

_When you need someone to carry you_

_You will be found_

_You will be found_

* * *

"So how long did it take for you to pull this off?" Puck asked later that evening. The song went over well and had everyone in tears. Shortly after that it was just a matter of the graduates actually graduating and it was over. His time at McKinley was a mix of good times and some bad times. But looking back he wouldn't trade a single minute of it for anything in the world. Especially since McKinley gave him the man squashed on the sofa next to him. All around them the party for the newest graduates of New Directions raged on but here, there was peace.

Beth was knocked out on her father's lap. She hadn't let him out of her sight for much longer than it took for either of them to use the bathroom and Puck didn't seem particularly opposed to the idea either. Jake knew he missed her. So he did what any bratty little brother does. He acted on what his brother wanted and needed regardless of what the idiot said. And look. It worked.

"It actually didn't take that long once I got Rachel involved," Jake replied, nudging his brother slightly. Puck shifted allowing him to tip to the side and lean on his free shoulder. "Rachel got everyone organized. She's quite the dictator that one."

Puck snorted softly. "You have no idea."

"But you love her."

"Yeah, I really do," Puck answered. His eyes drifting to his fiancée who was chatting with Madison and Mason. Jake didn't know what they were talking about but it was a lively conversation. Jake couldn't help but smile as Madison laughed at something Rachel said, leaning against her twin as they both cackled in delight. "You really like her, don't you?"

"Yeah," Jake sighed. "I really do."

"Good because otherwise the way Rachel has practically adopted them would be super awkward," Puck laughed. Jake snorted, sinking deeper into the sofa. "Hey, Jake?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thanks for today. For everything you said… and just thanks."

"You get it now, right?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Good. Took you long enough."

Puck chuckled, brushing a kiss against Beth's forehead and squeezing Jake's shoulder. "Yeah, sometimes a guy just needs to take the long way around."

"Drama queen."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Jake snickered before finally closing eyes and doing just that. They still had some work to do but for the first time since the phone call that changed everything, Jake really truly believed that it was all going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *and this is pretty much the last chapter. There might be an epilogue or a couple of chapters that take place when they're all in New York. If you have any interest or ideas, feel free to let me know. It might jog the creative train.


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